This was ironical!
It is the man who is running... And the dogs who are sunning!!!
Are we not always in hurry? We are often running to catch our own tail, and we do not even stop to consider the fact that it might be impossible to do so.
How many of you have played the game of trying to touch the tip of your nose with the tip of your tongue? It is a biological impossibility. The longest tongue cannot reach the part of our anatome that leads our body headlong into all the mess we create for ourselves.
We do not even take a moment to pause the buttons on our ever hectic life and simply keep going on. Were we to press Pause, we would realise the futility of trying to touch the tip of our nose with the tip of our tongue. Rather we would contemplate the physiology of what makes this, the most prominent feature of our face, the least used for its natural uses.
Why have we stopped using our noses to smell out the dangers and the pleasures? What makes this sense the fastes to adapt? How can we be in the moment NOW, and know that we are cared for- always?
e would also pause to let silence prevail rther than the noise that overpowers us in the city each day- day after day. We would be able to look, feel, and hear more completely, and more pofoundly. We would be more open to recieve what the Universe WANTS to channel to us.
The doors keep knocking. The door bells keep ringing. But we are in the slumber that makes us more aware of our alarms to wake up- that too, into a groggy, foggy existence- each moment.
We do not stop- like the dog- to simply let the sun wash over our soul and our body. We do not allow the mother to fill our cup... we are too busy thinking about the next moment to really relish the present one.
And we are all rushing to keep our rendesvous with the only certainty in our life- death.
A poem my children used to sing when they were tiny-
Stop... Look... and Listen!
You don't know what you're missin' till you
Stop...
Look...
'n Listen...
So take a moment- And relish JUST that moment!
Why run all the time?!
Do you write to be read? ... Or to write?
This is a question I have often encountered in myriad ways, in many situations...
Why do I want to do Medicine? I was often asked when I was a middle school student. It was somehow not enough that in the foggy reality of teen age, when everyone else was just trying to make sense of their own worlds, I knew mine and saw mine so clearly that I did not have to think about what I wanted to do with my life. It was always what, and then I was supposed to explain why! Why was it not enough to want to become a doctor because it thrilled me?
I had no fancy and lofty ideas about altruism and wanting to become a doctor because I would 'get the opportunity to do some good in the world'. Ouch! Yes! I never wanted to become a doctor for the others in the equation. I wanted to become a doctor because it thrilled me to know I COULD do so much. And that would be different and perhaps more than an ordinary mortal could. I still enjoy the challenge of solving biological mysteries each day, several times each day. Yes... someone else is benefited in the bargain. Yes... someone else feels better in the process. Yes... it gives much love and adulation... And yes... it is a different day each day.
My primary reason was the sense of satisfaction of DOING, and making a difference. It was not making a difference FOR others... but simply making a difference. And I knew that if I did this job well, someone would feel better for having been touched by me. It was all a Divine plan. It was not for others but for my own deepest desire to DO a new thing every day that I wanted to become a doctor.
And all those who want to become a doctor for all the good they can do FOR others, forget that it requires immense amount of passion, drive and dedication to keep doing something so well that it can make a difference.
Now I face the same question- why do I write? Do I write to write or to be read?
Is it not enough that I try to make sense of a world in which there are as many tunes as people? Is it not enough that I write? And have the courage to put it up- bare my soul- so to speak- open, vulnerable and shared. I write to write. Of course, it feels great to be read. Of course, it is good to know that there are kindred spirits who feel similarly and cry and laugh at similar things. Of course it feels good to know that I am not alone- in my thoughts and my world. There are others who are touched by the same words and who will also share openly. Without judgement and be as open about sharing their own inner world.
The bottomline is that I would write even if I was not read by another soul. I would write it if it was a pesonal journal that would never be read by anyone else! I would write because it satisfies my creative urge to write. I write because it serves to take me to a deeper place within me and allows me to be myself-
And each time I see someone achieve something extraordinary, I cry a silent tear- of immense happiness and satisfaction. It takes a lot of courage to be yourself- and do something so well that doing it becomes the reward in itself.
I get very sentimental and emotional for that child who walks up the steps to the stage and proudly claim the reward the world gives for having done well. But... would that child not do what they can if that was not coming?
I feel overwhelming emotions WHEN I see love and achievement...
Why do I want to do Medicine? I was often asked when I was a middle school student. It was somehow not enough that in the foggy reality of teen age, when everyone else was just trying to make sense of their own worlds, I knew mine and saw mine so clearly that I did not have to think about what I wanted to do with my life. It was always what, and then I was supposed to explain why! Why was it not enough to want to become a doctor because it thrilled me?
I had no fancy and lofty ideas about altruism and wanting to become a doctor because I would 'get the opportunity to do some good in the world'. Ouch! Yes! I never wanted to become a doctor for the others in the equation. I wanted to become a doctor because it thrilled me to know I COULD do so much. And that would be different and perhaps more than an ordinary mortal could. I still enjoy the challenge of solving biological mysteries each day, several times each day. Yes... someone else is benefited in the bargain. Yes... someone else feels better in the process. Yes... it gives much love and adulation... And yes... it is a different day each day.
My primary reason was the sense of satisfaction of DOING, and making a difference. It was not making a difference FOR others... but simply making a difference. And I knew that if I did this job well, someone would feel better for having been touched by me. It was all a Divine plan. It was not for others but for my own deepest desire to DO a new thing every day that I wanted to become a doctor.
And all those who want to become a doctor for all the good they can do FOR others, forget that it requires immense amount of passion, drive and dedication to keep doing something so well that it can make a difference.
Now I face the same question- why do I write? Do I write to write or to be read?
Is it not enough that I try to make sense of a world in which there are as many tunes as people? Is it not enough that I write? And have the courage to put it up- bare my soul- so to speak- open, vulnerable and shared. I write to write. Of course, it feels great to be read. Of course, it is good to know that there are kindred spirits who feel similarly and cry and laugh at similar things. Of course it feels good to know that I am not alone- in my thoughts and my world. There are others who are touched by the same words and who will also share openly. Without judgement and be as open about sharing their own inner world.
The bottomline is that I would write even if I was not read by another soul. I would write it if it was a pesonal journal that would never be read by anyone else! I would write because it satisfies my creative urge to write. I write because it serves to take me to a deeper place within me and allows me to be myself-
And each time I see someone achieve something extraordinary, I cry a silent tear- of immense happiness and satisfaction. It takes a lot of courage to be yourself- and do something so well that doing it becomes the reward in itself.
I get very sentimental and emotional for that child who walks up the steps to the stage and proudly claim the reward the world gives for having done well. But... would that child not do what they can if that was not coming?
I feel overwhelming emotions WHEN I see love and achievement...
I wish...
A few days ago, as I was doing my yoga class in the evening, I got a few calls on my cell phone. All of them were from the same person! And there were so many that I thought something desperate had happened. My phone had been on silent mode through the class... and I simply had to call back and find out what had happened!?
This friend of mine is a deeply religious person with a sense of being somewhat deeply spiritual, too. I do not say this lightly- because being religious is certainly not equal to being spiritual any more than being in love is equal to being loved!!
She replied to the first trrrring- Hi! Light a lamp in your temple and ask for a wish. Do it BEFORE 8 o'clock. It will come true. Only five minutes left- OK- Bye!
That was cool!
Light a lamp in your temple and ask for any wish!
I rushed to light a lamp- a thousand thoughts racing through my head.
I put the lit lamp in my temple. And I stood there- a couple of minutes still to go. And I thought. And i thought. And I thought.
What could I wish for?
I have a wonderful family- a husband who loves me and is fit as a fiddle, kids who adore me and think I am God incarnate. That I can make anything go away- hurt, fear, bad colds and bad throats, bad playmates and scraped knees. They make my world go round. What more can I ask for?
Then I thought of a friend who is battling a lone battle- trying to make sense of loving a man who cannot give up drinking, trying to bring this man back into the fold of the family he started with her and whose children no longer really want to be with him. My heart goes out to this gal with a heart and a spunk to beat all odds and go on loving despite everything and in spite of it all.
Then I thought of this lady who has always had this huge chip on her shoulder, who is always soooo rude to all at office, who has not been able t find anything nice about anyone in her life and is forever the queen bee who must do everything because she thinks only she can! And who cannot accept that there are those who do as much, if not more.
Then I thought of my best friend who had recently undergone a surgery to remove a cyst from under her eye- a simple procedure but it left her with eyes like bags of blood and they just can't seem to get back to normal.
Then I thought of this mom of a past friend of my daughter who is going through a silly and stupid divorce because the two of them cannot get over who is more important in the marriage- the woman or the man. And who suffers? the two children who have started behaving oddly to say the least.
And I thought of all the homeless, who in the Delhi winter would have to sleep in near zero temperatures out in the open- with a thin cover simply because the city does not have dwellings for the homeless.
And I thought... And I thought...
Can you think so much in the span of less than a minute? I noticed that I would have to ask for my wish real soon- I had only a minute left!
And in that one minute I realised I had to express my gratitude to this God who was going to grant all wishes made before 8:00- that I had to express my deeply felt sense of being truly happy- from inside because I had everything I could ask for.
So I thanked the Lord. And completed my prayer- Let N have her peace, Let S have his job back, Let R's children find their love and their parent's love can survive the divorce, Let N find out that others who work with her are not all trying to pass time but are contributing at least as meaningfully to the world as she thinks she is...
I asked for peace and happiness of all those who touch my life, and whose life I touch.I went a step further and asked for love and peace and contentment to just gently envelop the world as a whole. Everybody deserves a little corner to call their own in which life is a blessing and not an ordeal.
I opened my eyes- and the clock had struck the magic hour.
In that moment of truth, I realised I did not want anything for myself. I had everything I could want, or need.
Today... As I saw the prompt and decided to rethink that question- I thought again-
But today I would like to catch up.
I would like to catch up with my children's pending assignments, with my approaching deadlines, with my just unreachable fitness goals, with my next big surgery, with my next great 'free' moment when I can take a deep breath and just BE. I would like to catch up with the man of my life who is into running these days. And be able to hold him a moment longer.I would like to be able to catch up with everything that MUST be done in the moment and find some time for what I would like to do. Like play with my children, make time to love my husband, spend an evening with my parents, and just generally let my hair down and spend an evening doing nothing! And I would like to catch up and get everything done- and discover that there is still more to do. That Life must go on.
And I would like to catch up- and let go.
I would like to catch up with those floating gas balloons, hold them a while in my hands and enjoy the feeling of having done much in the time I have on this planet. Then... I would like to let go. I would not want to always run and coax my children to do more, run and hold on to my husband and ask him to hold me a moment and let me know I matter. I would like to let go- and allow my children and my husband to find out I'm OK. And they are, too! I would like to hold my coworker by her arms and shake her and tell her we all matter. And then let go. Because she must find out for herself. I would like to finish the next MBA assignment and then, let go- Is this it? Is that all there is? I would like to help my children discover a world where the gas balloons can be tied to the wrists so that when you let go- they do not fly away. They still are with you- till they have any gas left!
And I want to just BE... Stop doing, stop running, stop walking, stop asking, stop cajoling- just be. Just BE happy, just BE there for all those who need that small feed of feeling and looking and seeking and finding- just BE and let everything else BE.
This friend of mine is a deeply religious person with a sense of being somewhat deeply spiritual, too. I do not say this lightly- because being religious is certainly not equal to being spiritual any more than being in love is equal to being loved!!
She replied to the first trrrring- Hi! Light a lamp in your temple and ask for a wish. Do it BEFORE 8 o'clock. It will come true. Only five minutes left- OK- Bye!
That was cool!
Light a lamp in your temple and ask for any wish!
I rushed to light a lamp- a thousand thoughts racing through my head.
I put the lit lamp in my temple. And I stood there- a couple of minutes still to go. And I thought. And i thought. And I thought.
What could I wish for?
I have a wonderful family- a husband who loves me and is fit as a fiddle, kids who adore me and think I am God incarnate. That I can make anything go away- hurt, fear, bad colds and bad throats, bad playmates and scraped knees. They make my world go round. What more can I ask for?
Then I thought of a friend who is battling a lone battle- trying to make sense of loving a man who cannot give up drinking, trying to bring this man back into the fold of the family he started with her and whose children no longer really want to be with him. My heart goes out to this gal with a heart and a spunk to beat all odds and go on loving despite everything and in spite of it all.
Then I thought of this lady who has always had this huge chip on her shoulder, who is always soooo rude to all at office, who has not been able t find anything nice about anyone in her life and is forever the queen bee who must do everything because she thinks only she can! And who cannot accept that there are those who do as much, if not more.
Then I thought of my best friend who had recently undergone a surgery to remove a cyst from under her eye- a simple procedure but it left her with eyes like bags of blood and they just can't seem to get back to normal.
Then I thought of this mom of a past friend of my daughter who is going through a silly and stupid divorce because the two of them cannot get over who is more important in the marriage- the woman or the man. And who suffers? the two children who have started behaving oddly to say the least.
And I thought of all the homeless, who in the Delhi winter would have to sleep in near zero temperatures out in the open- with a thin cover simply because the city does not have dwellings for the homeless.
And I thought... And I thought...
Can you think so much in the span of less than a minute? I noticed that I would have to ask for my wish real soon- I had only a minute left!
And in that one minute I realised I had to express my gratitude to this God who was going to grant all wishes made before 8:00- that I had to express my deeply felt sense of being truly happy- from inside because I had everything I could ask for.
So I thanked the Lord. And completed my prayer- Let N have her peace, Let S have his job back, Let R's children find their love and their parent's love can survive the divorce, Let N find out that others who work with her are not all trying to pass time but are contributing at least as meaningfully to the world as she thinks she is...
I asked for peace and happiness of all those who touch my life, and whose life I touch.I went a step further and asked for love and peace and contentment to just gently envelop the world as a whole. Everybody deserves a little corner to call their own in which life is a blessing and not an ordeal.
I opened my eyes- and the clock had struck the magic hour.
In that moment of truth, I realised I did not want anything for myself. I had everything I could want, or need.
Today... As I saw the prompt and decided to rethink that question- I thought again-
But today I would like to catch up.
I would like to catch up with my children's pending assignments, with my approaching deadlines, with my just unreachable fitness goals, with my next big surgery, with my next great 'free' moment when I can take a deep breath and just BE. I would like to catch up with the man of my life who is into running these days. And be able to hold him a moment longer.I would like to be able to catch up with everything that MUST be done in the moment and find some time for what I would like to do. Like play with my children, make time to love my husband, spend an evening with my parents, and just generally let my hair down and spend an evening doing nothing! And I would like to catch up and get everything done- and discover that there is still more to do. That Life must go on.
And I would like to catch up- and let go.
I would like to catch up with those floating gas balloons, hold them a while in my hands and enjoy the feeling of having done much in the time I have on this planet. Then... I would like to let go. I would not want to always run and coax my children to do more, run and hold on to my husband and ask him to hold me a moment and let me know I matter. I would like to let go- and allow my children and my husband to find out I'm OK. And they are, too! I would like to hold my coworker by her arms and shake her and tell her we all matter. And then let go. Because she must find out for herself. I would like to finish the next MBA assignment and then, let go- Is this it? Is that all there is? I would like to help my children discover a world where the gas balloons can be tied to the wrists so that when you let go- they do not fly away. They still are with you- till they have any gas left!
And I want to just BE... Stop doing, stop running, stop walking, stop asking, stop cajoling- just be. Just BE happy, just BE there for all those who need that small feed of feeling and looking and seeking and finding- just BE and let everything else BE.
My driving passion...
I wish it were as easy as writing the few words...
This post title made me look inwards. It made me think a level below the surface. It made me pause and contemplate.
It is easy to see my passion in the way I live.
Each moment of the day MUST be filled with something that I am proud to have done. This could be a work day well delivered- each patient feeling special and valued for having sat in front of me. Each surgery that I perform MUST take me farther than yesterday in the outcome, in the technique, and in the sheer quality of a great job done.
Each moment of the day MUST be filled with things I love to do and those that make my life worthwhile. My children and my family- foremost. No matter how busy- I am never TOO busy for them I must, however, also be able to lead by example. I must be able to SHOW that doing a good job great is reward enough. I must show them that being is as important as doing. That Doing MUST take precedence over many other matters- especially when the heart and the head fight.
And I must show them, that it is easy to follow the head when the two fight but- and that is a BIG but- following the heart may actually lead down the path of wonder and rediscovery. That we may even discover ourselves for the first time when we make the courage to follow our heart.
And that DOING SOMETHING WELL IS NOT THE ONLY REASON YOU MUST CONTINUE DOING IT!!!!!
And I am passionate about my reading. There is enough on my phone (Lucky me! with my i-phone and the Kindle- e-books are just a click away) and my i-pad (ditto) and of course, the print version that always lie around all the places I am likely to be. This means my bedside, my study table, my dining table, my bathroom, my car, my office table, my purse and my bag. I carry a book in my hand even if I am going for a movie! Can anything be crazier than that? Actually I found out that the i-phone is great when you must accompany your children and family for the movie they want to watch DESPERATELY and be with them, as well as take out the phone and open the kindle and read. Advantages of back lit technology!
In my book, pun totally intended, decoration is placing a bookshelf in each room.
And my driving passion is being able to create heroes who live each day like heroes. It is to help the children and others who happen to touch my life in any way realise that they are special. That each person has a responsibility to himself to BE the best they can be... that is what we are here for.
And to love freely.
To give abundantly.
To live simply and to think greatly.
To find happiness in being here.
My passion is to live in a way that makes the world a better place- each day.
My passion is to help anyone find the passion in THEIR lives.
My passion is do Math and English as if these are worthy of worship.
My passion is to follow the road less travelled and marvel at the sights and sounds- to LIVE the life we are meant to. Each day.
This post title made me look inwards. It made me think a level below the surface. It made me pause and contemplate.
It is easy to see my passion in the way I live.
Each moment of the day MUST be filled with something that I am proud to have done. This could be a work day well delivered- each patient feeling special and valued for having sat in front of me. Each surgery that I perform MUST take me farther than yesterday in the outcome, in the technique, and in the sheer quality of a great job done.
Each moment of the day MUST be filled with things I love to do and those that make my life worthwhile. My children and my family- foremost. No matter how busy- I am never TOO busy for them I must, however, also be able to lead by example. I must be able to SHOW that doing a good job great is reward enough. I must show them that being is as important as doing. That Doing MUST take precedence over many other matters- especially when the heart and the head fight.
And I must show them, that it is easy to follow the head when the two fight but- and that is a BIG but- following the heart may actually lead down the path of wonder and rediscovery. That we may even discover ourselves for the first time when we make the courage to follow our heart.
And that DOING SOMETHING WELL IS NOT THE ONLY REASON YOU MUST CONTINUE DOING IT!!!!!
And I am passionate about my reading. There is enough on my phone (Lucky me! with my i-phone and the Kindle- e-books are just a click away) and my i-pad (ditto) and of course, the print version that always lie around all the places I am likely to be. This means my bedside, my study table, my dining table, my bathroom, my car, my office table, my purse and my bag. I carry a book in my hand even if I am going for a movie! Can anything be crazier than that? Actually I found out that the i-phone is great when you must accompany your children and family for the movie they want to watch DESPERATELY and be with them, as well as take out the phone and open the kindle and read. Advantages of back lit technology!
In my book, pun totally intended, decoration is placing a bookshelf in each room.
And my driving passion is being able to create heroes who live each day like heroes. It is to help the children and others who happen to touch my life in any way realise that they are special. That each person has a responsibility to himself to BE the best they can be... that is what we are here for.
And to love freely.
To give abundantly.
To live simply and to think greatly.
To find happiness in being here.
My passion is to live in a way that makes the world a better place- each day.
My passion is to help anyone find the passion in THEIR lives.
My passion is do Math and English as if these are worthy of worship.
My passion is to follow the road less travelled and marvel at the sights and sounds- to LIVE the life we are meant to. Each day.
My home...
We had a burglery that left us in the midst of a ransacking so terrible that we had to just... stop... and breathe...
It redefined life for us.
We had been out for a conference in Europe. Fortunately we were traveling as a family and the children, too were with us. The trip was a wonderful experience, academically and personally.
Sanjay was sure we just HAD to experience something bad soon enough. It was all too good to be true.
We came back to India and back home... The place was completely and thoroughly ransacked.
It took me ten days to just separate out things on the floor into clothes, utensils and others.
It took me ten days to just separate out clothes into those that would need dry cleaning and those that would need to be thrown.
It took me ten days to just create space to stand in the mess.
What they could not take away, they broke. It was a nightmare. And a terrible violation.
We had to re-do our entire house, rebuild ouor home. And the children would not even visit the loo without one of us standing guard at the door.
We have one really large room. We did the obvious... We palced two double beds in ONE room. There was one room to sleep, one room to sit, one room for music and one room for ocassional visitors.
All our friends would express surprise and astonishment... In the same room?! All of you together?
That was when we realised not only our home but our life and our thoughts- all were different! We were square pegs and we did not have any round holes to fit. We had friends come over and sing with us- and we just put food on the table and allowed the foodies to eat and the singers to sing. We even allowed the non-interested ones to read, or be online... Each one do your own thing- so long as you enjoy, you are doing good. And when you can do nothing else, it is still fun to sing in a chorus.
Finally, now- with my daughter 14 and my son 8, they have ASKED for their own room. Not because they thought we, the parents needed the room to ourselves but because the children needed the room to themselves!
ANd then we replaced all windows with clear glass- we get sunlight through out teh day... Really a green plan for the home...
And we now have our friends just drop in and join us for the weekends- for fun and for being together. Because or home is for simplified love and togetherness.
We have never worked on appearances, and it shows in our open hearts and transparent interactions.
We have never worked on pretenses, and it shows in the closeness of our relationships.
I hope, I can teach my children to live simply and fully, that they realise that things do not create a life- real lives are built with real relations and emotions that fill our hearts and hearths, that define our home and our heads, that make us us.
For me crystal is pretty but not decoration! For me a book here under the table and one there over the table is great. If I could, a book shelf would be THE decoration of the home. The music that Sanjay listens to certainly is part of the decor.
So come home to homeliness...
Come home to togetherness...
Come home to love...
Come home to BEING...
The only thing I find getting my nerves raw is clutter... And rest- EVERYTHING is a gentle, lived in kind of homely home feel.
It redefined life for us.
We had been out for a conference in Europe. Fortunately we were traveling as a family and the children, too were with us. The trip was a wonderful experience, academically and personally.
Sanjay was sure we just HAD to experience something bad soon enough. It was all too good to be true.
We came back to India and back home... The place was completely and thoroughly ransacked.
It took me ten days to just separate out things on the floor into clothes, utensils and others.
It took me ten days to just separate out clothes into those that would need dry cleaning and those that would need to be thrown.
It took me ten days to just create space to stand in the mess.
What they could not take away, they broke. It was a nightmare. And a terrible violation.
We had to re-do our entire house, rebuild ouor home. And the children would not even visit the loo without one of us standing guard at the door.
We have one really large room. We did the obvious... We palced two double beds in ONE room. There was one room to sleep, one room to sit, one room for music and one room for ocassional visitors.
All our friends would express surprise and astonishment... In the same room?! All of you together?
That was when we realised not only our home but our life and our thoughts- all were different! We were square pegs and we did not have any round holes to fit. We had friends come over and sing with us- and we just put food on the table and allowed the foodies to eat and the singers to sing. We even allowed the non-interested ones to read, or be online... Each one do your own thing- so long as you enjoy, you are doing good. And when you can do nothing else, it is still fun to sing in a chorus.
Finally, now- with my daughter 14 and my son 8, they have ASKED for their own room. Not because they thought we, the parents needed the room to ourselves but because the children needed the room to themselves!
ANd then we replaced all windows with clear glass- we get sunlight through out teh day... Really a green plan for the home...
And we now have our friends just drop in and join us for the weekends- for fun and for being together. Because or home is for simplified love and togetherness.
We have never worked on appearances, and it shows in our open hearts and transparent interactions.
We have never worked on pretenses, and it shows in the closeness of our relationships.
I hope, I can teach my children to live simply and fully, that they realise that things do not create a life- real lives are built with real relations and emotions that fill our hearts and hearths, that define our home and our heads, that make us us.
For me crystal is pretty but not decoration! For me a book here under the table and one there over the table is great. If I could, a book shelf would be THE decoration of the home. The music that Sanjay listens to certainly is part of the decor.
So come home to homeliness...
Come home to togetherness...
Come home to love...
Come home to BEING...
The only thing I find getting my nerves raw is clutter... And rest- EVERYTHING is a gentle, lived in kind of homely home feel.
Oh! My God!!
I got a call in the hospital when I was neck deep in seeing my own patients...
"Mom!", my older one was in panic,"Please come home now. Now!" I had to calm her down and ask her, "What happened sweetie?" I was sure it could not be anything serious.
After all, the children were at home, and their granny was with them. Nothing could happen!
But the panic in my daughter's voice was palpable. My maid took over the phone. She told me in broken sentences that my younger one's hand had got caught in the door and the hand was cut off. Now this is a south Indian maid, so I had to calm HER down and understand what she meant by 'hand cut off'. She started sobbing and told me to just come home. I called for my daughter on the phone- she was quiet. Deathly quiet.
I will never forget that silence on the line. I kept trying to talk to her- to get her to tell me something I could make sense of. My darling was scared. She was very scared. And her grand mother's presence did nothing to help. For a moment I resented that. I resented the fact that a child could not be safe despite the granny, that a child could not feel loved in spite of a grand mother right there.
Not able to make out much, I got into my car and raced home. I do not know how I drove, I have no recollection of how long it took.
All I remember is the look on their faces when I reached home.
My son, barely a year old was howling- crying so loud that he could have collected all the neighbours! Strangely, the neighbours were no where near! There was blood all around the house. His hand - the left one was tied in a dirty blood stained handkerchief and the room was a mess. I ran to hold him close, asking for where was Saniya, my very special daughter.
She has always been a part of my soul. She is an angel- but she forgot to put on her wings, always smiling and great with small children, she had prayed a whole month for a little brother. She wanted to hold him the minute she laid eyes on him. She adored him.
I found her crouching in a corner- scared out of her wits... scared of so much blood in the room, scared that something really terrible had happened. It was heart-rending. The fear and the panic were so unnecessary. Saniya was the one who had brought ice in the handkerchief foe her little brother.
I hugged her close and kissed her, with the other hand I picked up my son. He stopped crying instantly. I talked to both of them and tried to understand what had happened. I took off the hanky and saw the hand.
And I gasped.
The little baby of mine was looking at me with big huge eyes and he had the confidence that everything would be OK. My little daughter looked at me with her own fears and also had the confidence that I would make it all OK.
Both of them had faith that their mother would set it all right. And in this space no one else mattered We were together.
I finally found out what had happened.
My daughter and her friend were playing. My daughter's friend closed the door and Moksh's finger got caught in the hinge. The terminal one third, with the nail, and the soft bone of a small child was hanging with a fragile tag of skin. It did not look like it would survive. The ice had stopped the bleeding but it could have blocked off the blood vessels that could give vitality to the cut segment. I put them both in the car, got into the driver's seat and called my husband to meet me at the hospital.
Fortunate that both of us are doctors and can let our logical brain take over at a moment's notice.
He called a plastic surgeon friend of his. This plastic surgeon met us outside the OR and took my son into the operating suite immediately. He told us that the injury was a lot commoner than we had thought. That the results would be dramatic. That he would do the best.
It took unbearably long waiting outside for Moksh to come out. And when he was brought out, he looked delicate, fragile, as if he needed to be protected. I took him in my arms and talked to him. His hand had been placed in a Boxing glove dressing so that he would not disturb the wound. I taught him the treat it like a baby on the opposite shoulder, pat it and try to make the baby sleep. He went around the house with "Baby!" for a fortnight.
I sat down with Saniya and tried to tell her it was OK. It had looked scary but it was not that bad, and most importantly, it was not her fault. But she would have to be more careful as the elder sibling.
The trauma was not so much a nearly chopped phalanx but more the scarred , scared psyche that confronted Saniya- herself a baby.
But she took it remarkable well. She is a great person. And so is Moksh. They know, deep inside that they have to stand by each other and use their head in a moment of crisis. And using their head means that they must inform their mom or dad.
And it brought us close as a family. We went places with that boxing glove baby. We played with this new born. And we bade him bye bye at the final dressing a few days later. We all came out of it with our hearts stronger and our heads in the right place.
Too much blood does not mean it is hopeless. It means that the life still pulses with vitality and hope.
Mistakes and accidents will happen. They are just that- mistakes and accidents.
My son does not any longer really remember the 'baby'. My daughter will probably never forget the incident. But they are both special and blessed to have discovered their own strength and their own confidence that fear can be overcome. That fear is simply a state of the mind.
And my mother-in-law? She has aged. And she probably does not remember the incident either. She needs her own looking after and is like a baby, but a more difficult one than the children who are now growing up. She does have periods of lucidity and has periods of being totally absent from the context of the world. The neurologists say she could be having Alzheimer's.
Now how does one overcome THAT?
"Mom!", my older one was in panic,"Please come home now. Now!" I had to calm her down and ask her, "What happened sweetie?" I was sure it could not be anything serious.
After all, the children were at home, and their granny was with them. Nothing could happen!
But the panic in my daughter's voice was palpable. My maid took over the phone. She told me in broken sentences that my younger one's hand had got caught in the door and the hand was cut off. Now this is a south Indian maid, so I had to calm HER down and understand what she meant by 'hand cut off'. She started sobbing and told me to just come home. I called for my daughter on the phone- she was quiet. Deathly quiet.
I will never forget that silence on the line. I kept trying to talk to her- to get her to tell me something I could make sense of. My darling was scared. She was very scared. And her grand mother's presence did nothing to help. For a moment I resented that. I resented the fact that a child could not be safe despite the granny, that a child could not feel loved in spite of a grand mother right there.
Not able to make out much, I got into my car and raced home. I do not know how I drove, I have no recollection of how long it took.
All I remember is the look on their faces when I reached home.
My son, barely a year old was howling- crying so loud that he could have collected all the neighbours! Strangely, the neighbours were no where near! There was blood all around the house. His hand - the left one was tied in a dirty blood stained handkerchief and the room was a mess. I ran to hold him close, asking for where was Saniya, my very special daughter.
She has always been a part of my soul. She is an angel- but she forgot to put on her wings, always smiling and great with small children, she had prayed a whole month for a little brother. She wanted to hold him the minute she laid eyes on him. She adored him.
I found her crouching in a corner- scared out of her wits... scared of so much blood in the room, scared that something really terrible had happened. It was heart-rending. The fear and the panic were so unnecessary. Saniya was the one who had brought ice in the handkerchief foe her little brother.
I hugged her close and kissed her, with the other hand I picked up my son. He stopped crying instantly. I talked to both of them and tried to understand what had happened. I took off the hanky and saw the hand.
And I gasped.
The little baby of mine was looking at me with big huge eyes and he had the confidence that everything would be OK. My little daughter looked at me with her own fears and also had the confidence that I would make it all OK.
Both of them had faith that their mother would set it all right. And in this space no one else mattered We were together.
I finally found out what had happened.
My daughter and her friend were playing. My daughter's friend closed the door and Moksh's finger got caught in the hinge. The terminal one third, with the nail, and the soft bone of a small child was hanging with a fragile tag of skin. It did not look like it would survive. The ice had stopped the bleeding but it could have blocked off the blood vessels that could give vitality to the cut segment. I put them both in the car, got into the driver's seat and called my husband to meet me at the hospital.
Fortunate that both of us are doctors and can let our logical brain take over at a moment's notice.
He called a plastic surgeon friend of his. This plastic surgeon met us outside the OR and took my son into the operating suite immediately. He told us that the injury was a lot commoner than we had thought. That the results would be dramatic. That he would do the best.
It took unbearably long waiting outside for Moksh to come out. And when he was brought out, he looked delicate, fragile, as if he needed to be protected. I took him in my arms and talked to him. His hand had been placed in a Boxing glove dressing so that he would not disturb the wound. I taught him the treat it like a baby on the opposite shoulder, pat it and try to make the baby sleep. He went around the house with "Baby!" for a fortnight.
I sat down with Saniya and tried to tell her it was OK. It had looked scary but it was not that bad, and most importantly, it was not her fault. But she would have to be more careful as the elder sibling.
The trauma was not so much a nearly chopped phalanx but more the scarred , scared psyche that confronted Saniya- herself a baby.
But she took it remarkable well. She is a great person. And so is Moksh. They know, deep inside that they have to stand by each other and use their head in a moment of crisis. And using their head means that they must inform their mom or dad.
And it brought us close as a family. We went places with that boxing glove baby. We played with this new born. And we bade him bye bye at the final dressing a few days later. We all came out of it with our hearts stronger and our heads in the right place.
Too much blood does not mean it is hopeless. It means that the life still pulses with vitality and hope.
Mistakes and accidents will happen. They are just that- mistakes and accidents.
My son does not any longer really remember the 'baby'. My daughter will probably never forget the incident. But they are both special and blessed to have discovered their own strength and their own confidence that fear can be overcome. That fear is simply a state of the mind.
And my mother-in-law? She has aged. And she probably does not remember the incident either. She needs her own looking after and is like a baby, but a more difficult one than the children who are now growing up. She does have periods of lucidity and has periods of being totally absent from the context of the world. The neurologists say she could be having Alzheimer's.
Now how does one overcome THAT?
Make time for family...
A few days ago, we met some friends after what appears to be ages no... eons.
He had gone through a terrible month. Having been hospitalised and unable to attend to his own patients, this doctor friend of ours had gone through real hell and the virtual world had nothing to do with it.
She had been battling work, and husband's health and the cherry on the cake had been her son's difficulties at college. The pressure cooker was on- full and high. It only needed a little tap on the stove top to blast the whole kitchen to glory.
They have been very close friends. My husband and this couple have known each other practically their whole life. They have studied from Junior school through to high school and then even Medical school together. When they meet- nostalgia does not even begin to describe the scene. Often I am the outsider.
At such times, I do what I most enjoy- let them talk and be with my children, and theirs.
This once, SHE came out and talked to me...
"Time really flies! Does it not?!", wistfully, woefully, nostalgic. "It was only yesterday that you guys had got married and had come for dinner. D was still a small baby. Now he's all grown up and gone! I miss my son. And you know? I do not remember what his childhood was like! I regret that. Do you?"
It was heartfelt and it was sheer pain. She was looking for a support- a peg to dry her regret on.
My take on life has always been Family first. And it can be excruciatingly difficult. I am an ENT Surgeon, a writer (of sorts!), a prolific reader, an HR (Human Resource) developer, and I am doing an MBA, Yoga, Kumon, and I love to cook at least one meal for the family. So how does everything fit in?
I told her," M! That is ONE regret I had decided long ago never to have. Through everything I do, this is one thing that has no compromise. I wake up each morning to prepare both my children's school tiffins, get them ready and drop themoff to school before I start rushing through the day to reach the hospital and do my 'job'. Do not get me wrong here. I am crazily passionate about my work and my patients think the world of me.
"But- first and foremost, I am a mother, a wife, a sister and a daughter. I decided that the hospital will go on even if I am no longer alive. The people who will never to be able to be the same again are my children and my family.
If I can be good to my patients, why not extend the same patience and time to my children?
If I can be a great surgeon, why not make the same effort at being a great mother?
My children study with me. They play with me. They shop with me. They even cook with me. I teach them, I lead them, I love them and I never tire of telling them how much they mean to me. I am conscious of each moment I am blessed to be with them. I am grateful they love me so much that time, relatively speaking, simply flies!"
You see- life has the tendency to take over. We must make the time that we have count. We may use it well or not, it cannot be stored for use later. Once released, the arrow of time never really comes back. The only way in which we can recapture the moments is through our pictures and snapshots of the past.
Children do grow up fast. Their needs change. Their desires and dislikes change. Through it all, I am grateful to still be the confidante for my 14 year old and be the punching bag for my eight year old.
The more involved we are with our children and the younger they are, the younger we remain.
And the more energy we have to keep doing this thing called family and love.
Like any typical Asian mother, I would never go on holidays alone. For me holiday is family time and it is fun time.
Like any typical Asian mother, I would not accept a bad grade from my children and an A- is a bad grade!
Like any typical Asian mother, I have slept with my children till very late into their adolescence. And I have loved each hug ( and bug) that my children have given me at bed time.
We scream and we shout- we fight and we sing- but we do it together.
And most of all- WE PRAY TOGETHER!
We say simple things and we say profound things to each other. But importantly, we SAY things that we need to say.
We know that when we speak, we are heard. We are not talking to wax statues. We are talking to a family that cares. We MUSt have at least one ,eal together each weekday. We must also have all meals together each weekend.
WE must share our stories and our trials each day. We must also share our victories and our defeats when they happen.
Making time for those you love is not difficult at all!
Life happens.
Time flies.
The tighter we hold it in the palm of our hand, the faster the sand of time slips out.
We must learn to hold it softly, share more fully and love more freely.
When you freely and truly love, it is easy to say no to anything that may come in the way.
And- if you must write for the NaBloPoMo- you write when everybody is already playing with you in Slumberland! (hopefully)
So- here I am typing away, unknown word counts, trying to figure out if I will be able to upload anything at all, and my children are already in Slumberland playing with me and telling me stories. My husband is already there, too. He is giving them good company. I look at them and a smile lights up my face.
I do not have to make time for anyone! My time is their time till they want it. This, too shall change. And before that happens and I stand in some balcony and think back to my children's childhood, I want to live each moment as if it belongs only to them and to me- TOGETHER.
We do not just share a roof over our heads, we share the space that our heart beats define into the cacophony we sometimes drown ourselves in. Such is life. But it is a life where the landscape and the sound scape is mingled with our love and our smiles, with our time and our heartbeats.
This is a place that glows because we are open to receiving AND giving from and to each other.
I want to live a life of no regrets- it is too short anyway!
He had gone through a terrible month. Having been hospitalised and unable to attend to his own patients, this doctor friend of ours had gone through real hell and the virtual world had nothing to do with it.
She had been battling work, and husband's health and the cherry on the cake had been her son's difficulties at college. The pressure cooker was on- full and high. It only needed a little tap on the stove top to blast the whole kitchen to glory.
They have been very close friends. My husband and this couple have known each other practically their whole life. They have studied from Junior school through to high school and then even Medical school together. When they meet- nostalgia does not even begin to describe the scene. Often I am the outsider.
At such times, I do what I most enjoy- let them talk and be with my children, and theirs.
This once, SHE came out and talked to me...
"Time really flies! Does it not?!", wistfully, woefully, nostalgic. "It was only yesterday that you guys had got married and had come for dinner. D was still a small baby. Now he's all grown up and gone! I miss my son. And you know? I do not remember what his childhood was like! I regret that. Do you?"
It was heartfelt and it was sheer pain. She was looking for a support- a peg to dry her regret on.
My take on life has always been Family first. And it can be excruciatingly difficult. I am an ENT Surgeon, a writer (of sorts!), a prolific reader, an HR (Human Resource) developer, and I am doing an MBA, Yoga, Kumon, and I love to cook at least one meal for the family. So how does everything fit in?
I told her," M! That is ONE regret I had decided long ago never to have. Through everything I do, this is one thing that has no compromise. I wake up each morning to prepare both my children's school tiffins, get them ready and drop themoff to school before I start rushing through the day to reach the hospital and do my 'job'. Do not get me wrong here. I am crazily passionate about my work and my patients think the world of me.
"But- first and foremost, I am a mother, a wife, a sister and a daughter. I decided that the hospital will go on even if I am no longer alive. The people who will never to be able to be the same again are my children and my family.
If I can be good to my patients, why not extend the same patience and time to my children?
If I can be a great surgeon, why not make the same effort at being a great mother?
My children study with me. They play with me. They shop with me. They even cook with me. I teach them, I lead them, I love them and I never tire of telling them how much they mean to me. I am conscious of each moment I am blessed to be with them. I am grateful they love me so much that time, relatively speaking, simply flies!"
You see- life has the tendency to take over. We must make the time that we have count. We may use it well or not, it cannot be stored for use later. Once released, the arrow of time never really comes back. The only way in which we can recapture the moments is through our pictures and snapshots of the past.
Children do grow up fast. Their needs change. Their desires and dislikes change. Through it all, I am grateful to still be the confidante for my 14 year old and be the punching bag for my eight year old.
The more involved we are with our children and the younger they are, the younger we remain.
And the more energy we have to keep doing this thing called family and love.
Like any typical Asian mother, I would never go on holidays alone. For me holiday is family time and it is fun time.
Like any typical Asian mother, I would not accept a bad grade from my children and an A- is a bad grade!
Like any typical Asian mother, I have slept with my children till very late into their adolescence. And I have loved each hug ( and bug) that my children have given me at bed time.
We scream and we shout- we fight and we sing- but we do it together.
And most of all- WE PRAY TOGETHER!
We say simple things and we say profound things to each other. But importantly, we SAY things that we need to say.
We know that when we speak, we are heard. We are not talking to wax statues. We are talking to a family that cares. We MUSt have at least one ,eal together each weekday. We must also have all meals together each weekend.
WE must share our stories and our trials each day. We must also share our victories and our defeats when they happen.
Making time for those you love is not difficult at all!
Life happens.
Time flies.
The tighter we hold it in the palm of our hand, the faster the sand of time slips out.
We must learn to hold it softly, share more fully and love more freely.
When you freely and truly love, it is easy to say no to anything that may come in the way.
And- if you must write for the NaBloPoMo- you write when everybody is already playing with you in Slumberland! (hopefully)
So- here I am typing away, unknown word counts, trying to figure out if I will be able to upload anything at all, and my children are already in Slumberland playing with me and telling me stories. My husband is already there, too. He is giving them good company. I look at them and a smile lights up my face.
I do not have to make time for anyone! My time is their time till they want it. This, too shall change. And before that happens and I stand in some balcony and think back to my children's childhood, I want to live each moment as if it belongs only to them and to me- TOGETHER.
We do not just share a roof over our heads, we share the space that our heart beats define into the cacophony we sometimes drown ourselves in. Such is life. But it is a life where the landscape and the sound scape is mingled with our love and our smiles, with our time and our heartbeats.
This is a place that glows because we are open to receiving AND giving from and to each other.
I want to live a life of no regrets- it is too short anyway!
Love takes over!
I love you!
The words lose their meaning and their power in this world that runs on wheels all the time trying to catch its own tail.
We timed it... it takes less than ten seconds to say these three words. And it takes a world of faith and trust and vulnerability and everything else that goes to make this love a reality to say them.
We said it... and we said it after really waiting and examining whether this was the right thing to say. That was the first time. He wanted to hear it from me- and I was soooo afraid. Apprehensive that I was not safe, or was not sure.
Then... one fine morning- saying the words became irrelevant. It does not matter whether you say it or hear it. You must feel it and mean it. You could show it through your actions or even through your choices. And you could show it through a touch or a look. And you could keep it inside- a deeply hidden secret in the deepest corner of your heart because it is safe there.
Love is a sacred feeling. It needs validation- but only when it is young and unsure. It needs to be nurtured and looked after quite like a new born baby. It needs to be soothed when hungry and quietened when irritated. It needs cuddling and holding. It needs talking and cooing. It needs everything a baby needs for emotional safety.
And then- it grows up. It blossoms into that safe place where it no longer needs anything from any one else. All that matters is that you love. It does not matter that the 'other' does not say it. It does not even matter if the 'other' does not mean it. It does not matter if the 'other' does not show it. Because NOW there IS No OTHER! Now the psychological and emotional fusion makes the physical irrelevant.
That is not to say you do not need it or even crave it. It does not mean that you do not want it or seek it. It only means that when you get it in return or sometimes unexpectedly, it feels like another experience of that first day that you fell in love... that it still lights up your insides into a warm glow and a hot fire. But that the absence of a physical gesture to show that love is not the absence of love.
Die-hard romantic. That's me.
Madly in love even after nearly twenty five years of having met the man I fell for.
And looking for my own survival in a world that does not allow too much love, or too much happiness, or too much warmth... or too much anything!
No regrets here. I would not change a thing in my life were I given the chance to live it again. I would not even change how much time I took to finally tell the man I love that I love him.
He does not say it often. But I know.
He often gets annoyed and irritated... But I know.
He has developed some solitary interests... But I know.
I know... And THAT is enough...
I write this for a young friend. A friend who starts her own journey in a few days. This may be a romantic view to a harsh world- but it is a wonderful place to be.
It will not always be easy. Sometimes you will want to fight fists and punches. Sometimes you might even wonder what you ever saw to decide to go ahead with THIS person. Sometimes you will be lonely... very lonely...
But at the end of the day, if you turn in the middle of the night and find yourself thanking God for all that HE has given you- the wonderful life that you live WITH the wonderful people that HE put there- it is enough.
If you find, in the middle of nowhere your thoughts drift to THIS person and you smile, safe in the glow that it is enough to love- it IS enough.
And it IS enough to ASK... To PESTER... and to FIGHT, too. After all you will not do it with THAT person walking on the road.
And I write this for an old friend. A friend who needs to find peace and needs to stop looking. All that we have in our life is there for a reason. And unless we understand that reason, it will keep coming back to us. Always.
And I write this for my children. If there is ONE thing they MUST learn in life, it is emotional resilience. It is the need to love freely and give freely. No one can bring any harm to someone who is true and honest. And in the end- it is emotions that make the world go round.
And I write this for someone who has helped me see it- through pain and tribulation, through fortitude and patience and through impatience and conflict- Love prevails.
Love prevails. And Love takes over.
In a place where nothing else matters.
The words lose their meaning and their power in this world that runs on wheels all the time trying to catch its own tail.
We timed it... it takes less than ten seconds to say these three words. And it takes a world of faith and trust and vulnerability and everything else that goes to make this love a reality to say them.
We said it... and we said it after really waiting and examining whether this was the right thing to say. That was the first time. He wanted to hear it from me- and I was soooo afraid. Apprehensive that I was not safe, or was not sure.
Then... one fine morning- saying the words became irrelevant. It does not matter whether you say it or hear it. You must feel it and mean it. You could show it through your actions or even through your choices. And you could show it through a touch or a look. And you could keep it inside- a deeply hidden secret in the deepest corner of your heart because it is safe there.
Love is a sacred feeling. It needs validation- but only when it is young and unsure. It needs to be nurtured and looked after quite like a new born baby. It needs to be soothed when hungry and quietened when irritated. It needs cuddling and holding. It needs talking and cooing. It needs everything a baby needs for emotional safety.
And then- it grows up. It blossoms into that safe place where it no longer needs anything from any one else. All that matters is that you love. It does not matter that the 'other' does not say it. It does not even matter if the 'other' does not mean it. It does not matter if the 'other' does not show it. Because NOW there IS No OTHER! Now the psychological and emotional fusion makes the physical irrelevant.
That is not to say you do not need it or even crave it. It does not mean that you do not want it or seek it. It only means that when you get it in return or sometimes unexpectedly, it feels like another experience of that first day that you fell in love... that it still lights up your insides into a warm glow and a hot fire. But that the absence of a physical gesture to show that love is not the absence of love.
Die-hard romantic. That's me.
Madly in love even after nearly twenty five years of having met the man I fell for.
And looking for my own survival in a world that does not allow too much love, or too much happiness, or too much warmth... or too much anything!
No regrets here. I would not change a thing in my life were I given the chance to live it again. I would not even change how much time I took to finally tell the man I love that I love him.
He does not say it often. But I know.
He often gets annoyed and irritated... But I know.
He has developed some solitary interests... But I know.
I know... And THAT is enough...
I write this for a young friend. A friend who starts her own journey in a few days. This may be a romantic view to a harsh world- but it is a wonderful place to be.
It will not always be easy. Sometimes you will want to fight fists and punches. Sometimes you might even wonder what you ever saw to decide to go ahead with THIS person. Sometimes you will be lonely... very lonely...
But at the end of the day, if you turn in the middle of the night and find yourself thanking God for all that HE has given you- the wonderful life that you live WITH the wonderful people that HE put there- it is enough.
If you find, in the middle of nowhere your thoughts drift to THIS person and you smile, safe in the glow that it is enough to love- it IS enough.
And it IS enough to ASK... To PESTER... and to FIGHT, too. After all you will not do it with THAT person walking on the road.
And I write this for an old friend. A friend who needs to find peace and needs to stop looking. All that we have in our life is there for a reason. And unless we understand that reason, it will keep coming back to us. Always.
And I write this for my children. If there is ONE thing they MUST learn in life, it is emotional resilience. It is the need to love freely and give freely. No one can bring any harm to someone who is true and honest. And in the end- it is emotions that make the world go round.
And I write this for someone who has helped me see it- through pain and tribulation, through fortitude and patience and through impatience and conflict- Love prevails.
Love prevails. And Love takes over.
In a place where nothing else matters.
Running too fast!
When you are too busy trying to catch your own tail- life rushes by!
The greens pass by the way side in a blur. And we miss out on what makes life worthwhile!
The children grow up.
The hair turn gray.
The skin sags and the muscles lose their power.
The world largely stays the same but our presence in it becomes more and more 'aged'.
Think about the cosmic calender that Sagan devised to give the proper perspective.
If the Universe was formed on the New Year's Day a year ago, we came about just about at 10:32 on December 31.
Our distant ancestors knew nothing about time perspective and defined their life by the today and the now they lived. Each moment they survived was a moment they had lived- truly lived. And they did not even give it a thought.
They simply survived.
And, they simply carried on.
Walk miles to get food. Run miles in search of a safe place to hole up for the night. Wake up and start off once again.
Time is when Nature does things- events that happen Now- each Now. There is no Tomorrow and no Yesterday! There is no clock and no clock time to bind and gag and govern when we MUST wake up and go to 'work'.
Gradually,however, we defeated the immediate dangers that threatened our survival- the wild animals that could kill were scared of the Fire we learnt to control. The elements of Nature that could drown us or blow us away or burn us to cinders or freeze us to icicles were tamed and we created safe shelters. We also realised that we could work so that the Nature, and her cycles provided us with safe food in summer or fall if we planted in spring.
We gained time and safety- and along with it a perspective. The perspective of Time- separate from the cycles of the Nature. This time could be the time to rest, and to eat, or simply to gaze at the sky and think.
Somewhere around 11:59:52 (The Time Paradox- Phil Zimbardo), our ancestors started creating wares that could be traded or sold. With this came the need to plan for a future where more wares could be bought- the more the buying power- the more the respect- and the longer it would last- FUTURE- became a perspective that defined the present and restricted it.
Now, our ancestors lost the immediate threats to life- they were safe and secure. They, instead, gained the perspective of the future- on the continued ability to provide the same safety for their children that they lived in their today. They took the day for granted and thought of tomorrow only in terms of what they needed to do to secure it.
Around 11:59:59 on Sagan's Cosmic calender, about 150 years ago, man became obsessed with time as we know it today. With the Industrial revolution defining the hours that a worker could work and the amount of work needed to generate the product that could be sold to generate the wealth that could secure tomorrow- man became a prisoner of the future. Each moment was a safe moment that he did not even care to acknowledge his own breath. He now needed to rush from sun up to sun down to simply create.
We are living that reality- a reality that often lets the greens of the trees rush past in a great blurr.
We are living in that reality that often fails to even cast a wistful eye on the clear blue sky and marvel at the Creator's sense of colour and grandiosity.
We are living in that reality where present is simply a moment that is soon in the past- where another few tens of thousands of calculations ( perhaps more) have already been done by the computer that click under our fingers that cannot type and tap fast enough!
Somewhere down the evolutionary time-scale, down the cosmic calender, we became creatures of the future while trying hard to keep up with a world that was fast speeding around us and leaving us in the past even in our present! After all- what ever we CAN experience has already taken place!
And whatever we WANT o experience MUST be created in the future!
Where did that blessed moment of the present breath slip away????
The greens pass by the way side in a blur. And we miss out on what makes life worthwhile!
The children grow up.
The hair turn gray.
The skin sags and the muscles lose their power.
The world largely stays the same but our presence in it becomes more and more 'aged'.
Think about the cosmic calender that Sagan devised to give the proper perspective.
If the Universe was formed on the New Year's Day a year ago, we came about just about at 10:32 on December 31.
Our distant ancestors knew nothing about time perspective and defined their life by the today and the now they lived. Each moment they survived was a moment they had lived- truly lived. And they did not even give it a thought.
They simply survived.
And, they simply carried on.
Walk miles to get food. Run miles in search of a safe place to hole up for the night. Wake up and start off once again.
Time is when Nature does things- events that happen Now- each Now. There is no Tomorrow and no Yesterday! There is no clock and no clock time to bind and gag and govern when we MUST wake up and go to 'work'.
Gradually,however, we defeated the immediate dangers that threatened our survival- the wild animals that could kill were scared of the Fire we learnt to control. The elements of Nature that could drown us or blow us away or burn us to cinders or freeze us to icicles were tamed and we created safe shelters. We also realised that we could work so that the Nature, and her cycles provided us with safe food in summer or fall if we planted in spring.
We gained time and safety- and along with it a perspective. The perspective of Time- separate from the cycles of the Nature. This time could be the time to rest, and to eat, or simply to gaze at the sky and think.
Somewhere around 11:59:52 (The Time Paradox- Phil Zimbardo), our ancestors started creating wares that could be traded or sold. With this came the need to plan for a future where more wares could be bought- the more the buying power- the more the respect- and the longer it would last- FUTURE- became a perspective that defined the present and restricted it.
Now, our ancestors lost the immediate threats to life- they were safe and secure. They, instead, gained the perspective of the future- on the continued ability to provide the same safety for their children that they lived in their today. They took the day for granted and thought of tomorrow only in terms of what they needed to do to secure it.
Around 11:59:59 on Sagan's Cosmic calender, about 150 years ago, man became obsessed with time as we know it today. With the Industrial revolution defining the hours that a worker could work and the amount of work needed to generate the product that could be sold to generate the wealth that could secure tomorrow- man became a prisoner of the future. Each moment was a safe moment that he did not even care to acknowledge his own breath. He now needed to rush from sun up to sun down to simply create.
We are living that reality- a reality that often lets the greens of the trees rush past in a great blurr.
We are living in that reality that often fails to even cast a wistful eye on the clear blue sky and marvel at the Creator's sense of colour and grandiosity.
We are living in that reality where present is simply a moment that is soon in the past- where another few tens of thousands of calculations ( perhaps more) have already been done by the computer that click under our fingers that cannot type and tap fast enough!
Somewhere down the evolutionary time-scale, down the cosmic calender, we became creatures of the future while trying hard to keep up with a world that was fast speeding around us and leaving us in the past even in our present! After all- what ever we CAN experience has already taken place!
And whatever we WANT o experience MUST be created in the future!
Where did that blessed moment of the present breath slip away????
Breathe... Deeply...
We all know how to breathe. Instinct and basic life force.
Because we all KNOW how to breathe and with very little effort can realise the change in breathing pattern in various circumstances.
When we are at peace...
When we are happy... or sad...
When we are agitated...
We only need to consciously modify our breath and breathing pattern and we can feel the emotions of that breathing pattern. In other words- by changing the pattern of breathing consciously, we can change the way we feel at any given moment.
Similarly... going back to a memory of a moment of utter bliss is not difficult. These memories make us look at our own life with a strange sense of peace and even longing when things are not going too well. What we fail to realise and recognise is the fact that we are totally connected with our environment at such times. And THAT feeling is duplicatable. Thinking back to such times, if we were to observe our wn body-
how we hold our head...
how we breathe...
how we move our arms and legs...
how we even look at the world...
... If we were to observe carefully each of these AT the moment that 'takes our breath away!' , we will be able to do ALL this - holding our head, breathing, moving, looking... at will.
What we were out of focus was the process and what we witnessed was the result. Now we DESIRE the result- we can start the process consciously and get the same breathtaking result! Starting from what was earlier the result, we can work our way back to the basis, the cause, the first principle.
It was the bliss that made us look and breathe and feel different. Now we can look and breathe and feel to kick start the process of experiencing the bliss. To the brain these are simply pieces of information- that are associated together. The experience of one leads naturally to another- order is irrelevant. It is the association that is the neural reality.
The brain and the mind, in their intricacy and their simplicity do NOT think in terms of a cause and effect. Rather things that exist together are bound to occur together.
Thus, whatever is easy to do, re-do, and re-re-do, can become a trigger for what has now become elusive.
So... if I simply THINK that I am in THE STATE- the State where I am healthy, full of energy, and HAPPY, teh mind will hunt for associations. The reasons are simply a construct of our intellect. Theyarenot the brain's natural ladder to climb. They are not the way the mind works!
Even consciousness cannot define the reality as it exists- merely as it is experienced. Though perception is reality for the individual, it is but a small figment of the whole firmament of the Universe.
Though perception is reality that defines our experience, we do not have to percieve for the reality to be.
What we experience is but a small part of the reality that simply IS.
All meditative exercises, in all spiritual and even religious traditions do nothing more than expand this circle of perception.
I said- EVEN religions- because these days being religious is confused with being spiritual. And, being spiritual is confused with a fuzzy undefinable concept of rising above reality.
In my opinion that could not be farther from the Truth. The small child does not know the science and cosmology of the sun, but enjoys the warmth of teh sun on a cold winter morning. The sun is just as real with, or without the knowledge of the celestial body itself.
We make the mistake of assuming that our perceived reality is THE reality.
And we always assume that if we go just a little further- we will be 'there'. Whereever that there is!
Scientists realise that we have only just begun to skim the surface of the Universe of Knowledge. And that fills them with a sense of wonder, awe and fascination of how the Universe is JUST right for us and for life to exist in the shape and form that it does.
Just right for us to be what and who we are!
As for the rest of us- we adopt one of the various attitudes to the world around us. Einstein said there are only two ways in which to live- one where everything is a miracle, and the other where nothing is!
The casual and unthinking, thoughtless existence that most of mankind is living makes the second attitude the more common one.
How do we forget that we are part of a fascinating Universe and that each little thing we feel and do is a miracle!?
We are all made of trillions of tiny particles we call cells. Each of these is capable and equipped to live and survive independently. Yet- the cluster that we call a person has something nebulous and intangible that none of the cells individually possess- consciousness.
The cluster has the capacity to see, to hear, to smell and to taste. And in case of humans, even the ability to THINK.
Each of these has been explained in terms of chemistry and chemical reactions by biologists- but we still do not know what goes away leaving all those cells intact - yet unable to line in that instant life is snuffed out by the reality of what we call death.
We have elaborately worked out the structure of what we call the brain and tried to explore what areas light up when we see and hear and feel etc. Yet... we have very little 'knowledge' of what is mind and what in fact is thought!
We must only make a beginning. We are likely to find connections and be able to recharge ourselves without ever having to compete with anyone else or anything else destructively.
If we have our cup full, as the Zen master says, and we refuse to empty is, our tea WILL run cold.
We will feel the lack of energy and will want to get it from somewhere. The Energy of the Universe is finite. So... taking it from others around us is a competition that makes one less in teh process of making one more. What we forget in this 'competition' is that the Universe has enough for everything that inhabits it.
We must open ourselves to the experience.
Meditation allows us to have that experience of getting out of a restricted and restrictive and limited circle of competing with fellow beings. It allows us to reconnect with the Source, with the Flow of free energy of the Universe.
The first thing to understand or even simply accept is that we do not know all that there is.
That does not alter the fact that IT IS.
And being open allows us to get a tiny glimpse and a shimmering feeling that 'something' has changed- increased, enhanced, become a little more.
Identifying that 'something' can come later. Or it may not come at all.
It would need a seeker.
It would need an attitude.
It would also need a sense of wonder and curiosity and total confidence that to be more we need not make anyone else less.
We could each start at whatever point we are. And we must keep moving- gently, surely. Because the Flow of the Universe and of the Energy is inevitable and WILL affect us. Even if we do not know it, or do not accept it.
It will have to work harder to cross the walls we erect, but it will affect us.
It will have to break the barriers we build, but it will affect us.
We can and will feel it working much faster by simply recognising that such an experience is possible.
The Masters say that whatever you believe in will be seen and will happen. For any belief to be part of your 'mind' it must have a corresponding energy in the environment- both internal and external.
For us to believe in the Divine, we have to base it on some perception. For us to live as an athiest, we base 'that' feeling on something we perceive.
Anyone who lives and believes anything- has to base it on something! He has to indirectly believe that something is making it all possible.
Few of us, however, even begin to seek!
And it can start now... with this breath- in this moment.
Because we all KNOW how to breathe and with very little effort can realise the change in breathing pattern in various circumstances.
When we are at peace...
When we are happy... or sad...
When we are agitated...
We only need to consciously modify our breath and breathing pattern and we can feel the emotions of that breathing pattern. In other words- by changing the pattern of breathing consciously, we can change the way we feel at any given moment.
Similarly... going back to a memory of a moment of utter bliss is not difficult. These memories make us look at our own life with a strange sense of peace and even longing when things are not going too well. What we fail to realise and recognise is the fact that we are totally connected with our environment at such times. And THAT feeling is duplicatable. Thinking back to such times, if we were to observe our wn body-
how we hold our head...
how we breathe...
how we move our arms and legs...
how we even look at the world...
... If we were to observe carefully each of these AT the moment that 'takes our breath away!' , we will be able to do ALL this - holding our head, breathing, moving, looking... at will.
What we were out of focus was the process and what we witnessed was the result. Now we DESIRE the result- we can start the process consciously and get the same breathtaking result! Starting from what was earlier the result, we can work our way back to the basis, the cause, the first principle.
It was the bliss that made us look and breathe and feel different. Now we can look and breathe and feel to kick start the process of experiencing the bliss. To the brain these are simply pieces of information- that are associated together. The experience of one leads naturally to another- order is irrelevant. It is the association that is the neural reality.
The brain and the mind, in their intricacy and their simplicity do NOT think in terms of a cause and effect. Rather things that exist together are bound to occur together.
Thus, whatever is easy to do, re-do, and re-re-do, can become a trigger for what has now become elusive.
So... if I simply THINK that I am in THE STATE- the State where I am healthy, full of energy, and HAPPY, teh mind will hunt for associations. The reasons are simply a construct of our intellect. Theyarenot the brain's natural ladder to climb. They are not the way the mind works!
Even consciousness cannot define the reality as it exists- merely as it is experienced. Though perception is reality for the individual, it is but a small figment of the whole firmament of the Universe.
Though perception is reality that defines our experience, we do not have to percieve for the reality to be.
What we experience is but a small part of the reality that simply IS.
All meditative exercises, in all spiritual and even religious traditions do nothing more than expand this circle of perception.
I said- EVEN religions- because these days being religious is confused with being spiritual. And, being spiritual is confused with a fuzzy undefinable concept of rising above reality.
In my opinion that could not be farther from the Truth. The small child does not know the science and cosmology of the sun, but enjoys the warmth of teh sun on a cold winter morning. The sun is just as real with, or without the knowledge of the celestial body itself.
We make the mistake of assuming that our perceived reality is THE reality.
And we always assume that if we go just a little further- we will be 'there'. Whereever that there is!
Scientists realise that we have only just begun to skim the surface of the Universe of Knowledge. And that fills them with a sense of wonder, awe and fascination of how the Universe is JUST right for us and for life to exist in the shape and form that it does.
Just right for us to be what and who we are!
As for the rest of us- we adopt one of the various attitudes to the world around us. Einstein said there are only two ways in which to live- one where everything is a miracle, and the other where nothing is!
The casual and unthinking, thoughtless existence that most of mankind is living makes the second attitude the more common one.
How do we forget that we are part of a fascinating Universe and that each little thing we feel and do is a miracle!?
We are all made of trillions of tiny particles we call cells. Each of these is capable and equipped to live and survive independently. Yet- the cluster that we call a person has something nebulous and intangible that none of the cells individually possess- consciousness.
The cluster has the capacity to see, to hear, to smell and to taste. And in case of humans, even the ability to THINK.
Each of these has been explained in terms of chemistry and chemical reactions by biologists- but we still do not know what goes away leaving all those cells intact - yet unable to line in that instant life is snuffed out by the reality of what we call death.
We have elaborately worked out the structure of what we call the brain and tried to explore what areas light up when we see and hear and feel etc. Yet... we have very little 'knowledge' of what is mind and what in fact is thought!
We must only make a beginning. We are likely to find connections and be able to recharge ourselves without ever having to compete with anyone else or anything else destructively.
If we have our cup full, as the Zen master says, and we refuse to empty is, our tea WILL run cold.
We will feel the lack of energy and will want to get it from somewhere. The Energy of the Universe is finite. So... taking it from others around us is a competition that makes one less in teh process of making one more. What we forget in this 'competition' is that the Universe has enough for everything that inhabits it.
We must open ourselves to the experience.
Meditation allows us to have that experience of getting out of a restricted and restrictive and limited circle of competing with fellow beings. It allows us to reconnect with the Source, with the Flow of free energy of the Universe.
The first thing to understand or even simply accept is that we do not know all that there is.
That does not alter the fact that IT IS.
And being open allows us to get a tiny glimpse and a shimmering feeling that 'something' has changed- increased, enhanced, become a little more.
Identifying that 'something' can come later. Or it may not come at all.
It would need a seeker.
It would need an attitude.
It would also need a sense of wonder and curiosity and total confidence that to be more we need not make anyone else less.
We could each start at whatever point we are. And we must keep moving- gently, surely. Because the Flow of the Universe and of the Energy is inevitable and WILL affect us. Even if we do not know it, or do not accept it.
It will have to work harder to cross the walls we erect, but it will affect us.
It will have to break the barriers we build, but it will affect us.
We can and will feel it working much faster by simply recognising that such an experience is possible.
The Masters say that whatever you believe in will be seen and will happen. For any belief to be part of your 'mind' it must have a corresponding energy in the environment- both internal and external.
For us to believe in the Divine, we have to base it on some perception. For us to live as an athiest, we base 'that' feeling on something we perceive.
Anyone who lives and believes anything- has to base it on something! He has to indirectly believe that something is making it all possible.
Few of us, however, even begin to seek!
And it can start now... with this breath- in this moment.
A morning in Paradise
The Lodhi Garden is described as an Urban Oasis... And it is.
It is breathtakingly beautiful and paeceful despite the many people who throng to the lawns on most mornings.
And there are all kinds of people...
Young people who think they are never going to grow old and the old ones who know they will never grow young.
The old are more aware of the invincibility of Time and the young are more confident about their own. Neither view is conscious. Strangely the spectator who sees the two extremes walking the trails of the urban oasis realises the momentary nature of all human existence. And the futility of it all.
There was the old couple ambling along. They were bent over at their shoulders, both f them. They held on to each other's hands as if both could prop up the other but not hold up their own. They were smartly dressed for the early hour of the morning. The lady was dressed just as a lady would be- a muted steel grey dress with white shoes. The gentleman was exactly the picture you would see in a book- dressed in grey trousers and white shirt. They were totally engrossed in each other and were having an animated discussion about some family matter... oblivious to all who crossed their path or walked along at their own pace.
The two had all the time in the world- strangely- human beings begin to have all the time in the world when they have so little left! And they were not in a hurry. They were more in the moment than anyone else in their surrounding.
The snowy white hair were forming a divine halo around their heads and the peace on their faces was in defiance to the lack of it in the world around them. So easy it is to find whatever we are seeking if we have just one more sould we can share it whole-heartedly with!
And there was the other who had less aura and more tiredness in their faces, in their clothes as well as their walk. They were silent. But they were together. Their eyes seemed to be glazed with the myriad scenes they had seen and lived in the past. They were now resigned to life a of waiting. With so little time left to grace this world- it seemed like an eternal wait for something more meaningful in the hereafter.
Paradoxically, we have no time in our youth because we are so busy running that we cannot make out that we rae running to catch our own tail. And yet- youth is the time when we rae most prepared to face life- we have time ahead to reap the crop we sow, an we have, hopefully sown a good crop.
And then, we slow down some. We find that the time no longer runs so fast that we cannot catch it. We have little left in the treasury, but it moves ever so slowly.
The bottomline however, is not that the time moves fast or slow... it is that we move so fast or so slow that the Time mirrors our movement. Some call it Relativity... but is not that, too. Time is just another co-ordinate in space/time. It is we who move through time, not time that moves.
We are but a figment in the firmament of the Universe and we are simply momentary bubbles that will burst- sometimes in a moment and sometimes in a littlelonger than a moment.... But it the moment that is real and experienced by Man... a moment that forms a part of his Eternity... and the History of teh Universe.
Becoming watchful of these moments slows doen the Time for all of us. We suddenly find we can fill much more of a living, learning and loving in the same time.
We realise- by slowing ourselves down that it is possible to slow down our experience of Time. And our individual reality, too.
No time for regrets.
No time for pain.
No time for anguish.
And... Time... for everything- still.
Still trying to catch a Zen moment!
Reading this book was in itself an experience.
This was one book that even I had to read making my own 'notes' to keepa track of all that teh author had to say! And that is saying a lot, I think!
And then, reading on, suddenly I saw my own hand blown out of proportion... The lines I was reading suddenly jumped out of teh page and right into my mind. The clarity was mind blowing. And beauty of the moment was breath taking. It was precisely this kind of experience that the 12th Insight said humans could have when they were on a path of self discovery and discovery of a higher purpose.
There was definitely a moment where everything fused into me and I became a part of everything around me. But I was not having a any great revelations about any higher purpose. Infact, I was feeling a desperate need to hold on to just this kind of moment because it could make my moments more breathtaking- more bearable than the mess I found myself in.
Yes... It is possible to find rapture.
Yes... It is possible to find beauty.
Yes... It is possible to find allignment.
Yes! Yes!! Yes!!!
Following up on Project Zen
I had a dream. A ery uneasy dream. I also knew in the dream that I was dreaming. I was searching- looking- and unable to find... Sanjay.
Knowing this was a dream, I wanted to wake myself up and be done with it. And I was also afraid that it was already morning- so I did not want to wake up lest the 'morning dream' become a nightmarish reality.
I love Sanjay.
I was extremely uneasy not being able to find Sanjay anywhere in my dream. I looked high and low. I looked everywhere. I looked at home, and outside. I looked at work and in the market place. I could not find him. And I have never felt this sad, and lost for the want of another human being.
Waking up, finally to the call of the morning by Sanjay himself was comfototing. It was reassuring to find him so naturally present HERE. NOW.
So many years have passed since we got to know each other that we sometimes lose count. Cliched as it sounds- We do forget the dates and years- sometimes. What stays ever fresh is the feeling. It is as if the years are not important- moments are.
I love. Words that are profound, yet mundane. This smile- this feeling- this love- it is great to be loved and to love.
It is reassuring to have ONE person who loves you - irrespective.
It is more than a Zen blessing to have a man love you this much and to feel as much love for him.
I love Sanjay! Froggy and all!! With glasses and without. In good moods and bad ( well...) And in each little moment that I can I d not tire of telling him how much he means to me... It is really unimportant how he feels simply because I know he feels the same way.
Love is a warmth that can outlast the coldest night. It is that safety net that catches you no matter how high you fell from. It is that feeling you have when on the road, you realise someone is waiting at home. Home is so because love stays there.
My love. Your love. Our love.
Zen moment of the day
The sky was speaking a language... The language of beauty and of hope. The silver tint of the clouds of doubt!!
And golden, too!
And the rays radiated out in a shower of light that made the sky dramatic and breathtaking.
The dirt road was there- and not there.
The Light poles were there with the wires and they ere also not there!!
The sky overpowered every other element in the scene. The sky was high and dark and broight and greya nd colourful, it was serious and dramatic, it was every little emotion rolled into a big one.
And the clouds just got better and better with each minute.
This sky tells us unambiguously that 'it' is all there. Always.
The pole reaches for the clouds. And punctuates them. It is possible to rise over all the dirt that you may encounter in life. And even if all you see is grey, you will find a riot of colour- soon enough. Hidden.
My Zen moment of the day-6
Today... definitely was not a great day. Positively did not deliver the moment I was looking for. I thought I just had to find that elusive moment.
And the day was done. I had not had many patients in the headache clinic. I did a lot of reading and encountered a lot of mind-blowing stuff but nothing that took me to the edge. I took a few moments of solitude and thought. It still eluded me.
I had just finished cooking the dinner. And the kitchen looked awe-inspiring. The everyday mundane stuff that I had been taking for granted. Ergonomics at their practical best. I really love my kitchen. I even took a picture- I would surely not be able to find another moment in the day.
But the surprise came from the most unlikely source!! Sanjay wanted my phone- and when I asked him why- he smiled. It was the same smile that took my heart away so many years ago that it seems another era!
He said he wanted to play games! This was unprecedented! Sanjay- and games?! I-phone has accomplished what nothing else has been able to do till date. The fun and the lessons of 'games' are lost on this man. I sometimes do wish he would loosen up and have a laugh. He does have a great sense of humor but one that does not make him laugh- he has those dead pan ones that can tickle the most serious of the specimens of humanity. But Sanjay rarely laughs.
He took my phone and dialled his own number. And the screen lit up! It was one of the most beautiful images of mine that I have seen in the recent past. Saniya had taken that picture with his phone. And it was a great moment- head tilted just a bit to the sky- the smile like a sunrise-daring the world to go dark and the pen in one hand that gives the picture a punctuation mark! It was a game that this man played- and he won me over- once more.
Sanjay is truly a blessing.
I love this man. More than I can say. Much more than he can ever imagine... but the zen moment brought alive the feeling of being loved and being in love once more.
And the day was done. I had not had many patients in the headache clinic. I did a lot of reading and encountered a lot of mind-blowing stuff but nothing that took me to the edge. I took a few moments of solitude and thought. It still eluded me.
I had just finished cooking the dinner. And the kitchen looked awe-inspiring. The everyday mundane stuff that I had been taking for granted. Ergonomics at their practical best. I really love my kitchen. I even took a picture- I would surely not be able to find another moment in the day.
But the surprise came from the most unlikely source!! Sanjay wanted my phone- and when I asked him why- he smiled. It was the same smile that took my heart away so many years ago that it seems another era!
He said he wanted to play games! This was unprecedented! Sanjay- and games?! I-phone has accomplished what nothing else has been able to do till date. The fun and the lessons of 'games' are lost on this man. I sometimes do wish he would loosen up and have a laugh. He does have a great sense of humor but one that does not make him laugh- he has those dead pan ones that can tickle the most serious of the specimens of humanity. But Sanjay rarely laughs.
He took my phone and dialled his own number. And the screen lit up! It was one of the most beautiful images of mine that I have seen in the recent past. Saniya had taken that picture with his phone. And it was a great moment- head tilted just a bit to the sky- the smile like a sunrise-daring the world to go dark and the pen in one hand that gives the picture a punctuation mark! It was a game that this man played- and he won me over- once more.
Sanjay is truly a blessing.
I love this man. More than I can say. Much more than he can ever imagine... but the zen moment brought alive the feeling of being loved and being in love once more.
My Zen moment of the day-6
Till just a few minutes ago, everything was a blurr. Life was going by, passing by, rushing by. I seriously thought that the day would finish and I would not be able to find that Zen moment. The day has been an unimpressive one with nothing that really took my breath away.
When there are too many patients, one finds oneself quite overwhelmed, and quite unable to put up with the deluge. But today, I realised that I had become so used to being totally occupied with the caring that not caring was more overwhelming.
The day being a Friday in the Ramadan, there were very few patients in the OPD. Or probably it was Anna's arrival at the Ramlila Grounds that took away people.
Whatever it was the fact that there was less to do was actually disheartening. And difficult.
Grappling with the inner conflict I have been looking for ONE great moment each day- simply to shift my focus and my energy. And I was getting beaten at my own game.
Then I got an sms from a teacher- one who is like a tender parent- one who likes to spread warmth and happiness...
And I walked into his presence feeling the whole world bearing down on me.
I walked out feeling stronger and more able to deal with whatever the world may have in store for me. Good cards or bad. I can play that hand. And not only- I can play it- I can win it too.
And the Zen moment struck not in his presence- but when I left from his presence. It struck while I was walking out and became stronger and stronger as I kept walking. It became sharply focused with the driving wheel in my hand.
I HAVE to make the choice to HOLD the steering wheel of my emotions, become the driver of my own car and my life!
And I am good at that.
The sense of recovered control was an immense relief. After many many day and even months, I felt in control- once more.
Sometimes, it takes a moment to flip that switch and a vision that transforms the sky full of clouds into a dramatically beautiful breathtaking vista that colours the world pink and orange and purple and all the wonderful shades of the rainbow.
The clouds are the same. The colours are suddenly more visible.
The person is the same, the personality suddenly more obvious.
To that moment...
Everyday...
When there are too many patients, one finds oneself quite overwhelmed, and quite unable to put up with the deluge. But today, I realised that I had become so used to being totally occupied with the caring that not caring was more overwhelming.
The day being a Friday in the Ramadan, there were very few patients in the OPD. Or probably it was Anna's arrival at the Ramlila Grounds that took away people.
Whatever it was the fact that there was less to do was actually disheartening. And difficult.
Grappling with the inner conflict I have been looking for ONE great moment each day- simply to shift my focus and my energy. And I was getting beaten at my own game.
Then I got an sms from a teacher- one who is like a tender parent- one who likes to spread warmth and happiness...
And I walked into his presence feeling the whole world bearing down on me.
I walked out feeling stronger and more able to deal with whatever the world may have in store for me. Good cards or bad. I can play that hand. And not only- I can play it- I can win it too.
And the Zen moment struck not in his presence- but when I left from his presence. It struck while I was walking out and became stronger and stronger as I kept walking. It became sharply focused with the driving wheel in my hand.
I HAVE to make the choice to HOLD the steering wheel of my emotions, become the driver of my own car and my life!
And I am good at that.
The sense of recovered control was an immense relief. After many many day and even months, I felt in control- once more.
Sometimes, it takes a moment to flip that switch and a vision that transforms the sky full of clouds into a dramatically beautiful breathtaking vista that colours the world pink and orange and purple and all the wonderful shades of the rainbow.
The clouds are the same. The colours are suddenly more visible.
The person is the same, the personality suddenly more obvious.
To that moment...
Everyday...
My Zen moment of the day-5
Today's Zen moment happened early in the day- really early. This is the view of and from the dashboard of my car.
When we got into the car to go to school in the morning, two boxes of Nescafe Vanilla coffee were invitingly placed on the dashboard. They were attractive, bright- and- COFFEE!!!
But the Zen moment was not just finding them invitingly placed there- it was having Moksh look at them with total and utter fascination and adoration. He was even slurping as if he could really taste the coffee!
A child's imagination can make any moment touch eternity. A child's imagination can bring alive the world in the immediate and make everything else irrelevant.
It was suddenly unimportant that we could get late because Saniya was not yet ready. It was suddenly irrelevant that we had to wait for Saniya to come out.
We could simply... enjoy... our coffee! Without even having the cup in our hand.
When I grow old, I would love for my children to keep this feeling and this imagination alive. I would love for them to feel that good decoration could be having book shelves, or cycles, or music, or pictures - or whatever else it is that lights up their inner fires. And THAT can be totally different from the world's view of what is the way a sitting room should look- but it is their own personality that they live- comfortably, happily.
And yes, Moksh may really be able to carry this moment into his future and be able to live it once again with his own children- not waiting or wanting to hold the cup to be able to feel the coffee in his system...
God bless our children. they make us realise that life has more to it than everyday living, and the most profound moments are hidden in the most mundane. We only need to be alive and open enough to experience them.
When we got into the car to go to school in the morning, two boxes of Nescafe Vanilla coffee were invitingly placed on the dashboard. They were attractive, bright- and- COFFEE!!!
But the Zen moment was not just finding them invitingly placed there- it was having Moksh look at them with total and utter fascination and adoration. He was even slurping as if he could really taste the coffee!
A child's imagination can make any moment touch eternity. A child's imagination can bring alive the world in the immediate and make everything else irrelevant.
It was suddenly unimportant that we could get late because Saniya was not yet ready. It was suddenly irrelevant that we had to wait for Saniya to come out.
We could simply... enjoy... our coffee! Without even having the cup in our hand.
When I grow old, I would love for my children to keep this feeling and this imagination alive. I would love for them to feel that good decoration could be having book shelves, or cycles, or music, or pictures - or whatever else it is that lights up their inner fires. And THAT can be totally different from the world's view of what is the way a sitting room should look- but it is their own personality that they live- comfortably, happily.
And yes, Moksh may really be able to carry this moment into his future and be able to live it once again with his own children- not waiting or wanting to hold the cup to be able to feel the coffee in his system...
God bless our children. they make us realise that life has more to it than everyday living, and the most profound moments are hidden in the most mundane. We only need to be alive and open enough to experience them.
My Zen moment of the day- 4
Lately I have been feeling so rock bottom low that I launched my Zen Moment of the Day project simply to start celebrating the little things that CAN make a day better.
Today was a tough one... Nothing that particularly took my breath away, nothing that made me transcend the present- till... I got into the car and put on the stereo! It was a very personal and a personalised musical experience.
It was as if Shania was speaking for me, singing what I would have sung, feeling what I was feeling!
When you are THAT low- there's only one up from here!!
So here's to the Zen moment of today- Shania Twain's Up! An amazing song- wonderful music, and beautiful lyrics...
UP!
It's 'bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's buggin' me
Like nothing wants to go my way
Yeah, it just ain't been my day
Nothin's comin' easily
Even my skin is acting weird
I wish that I could grow a beard
Then I could cover up my spots
Not play connect the dots
I just wanna disappear
Up--up--up--
Can only go up from here
Up--up--up--Up
where the clouds gonna clear
Up--up--up--
There's no way but up from here
Even something as simple as
Forgettin' to fill up on gas
There ain't no explanation why
Things like that can make you cry
Just gotta learn to have a laugh
Up--up--up--
Can only go up from here
Up--up--up--Up
where the clouds gonna clear
Up--up--up--
There's no way but up from here
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...
When everything is goin' wrong
Don't worry, it won't last for long
Yeah, it's all gonna come around
Don't go let it get you down
You gotta keep on holding on
It's 'bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's buggin' me
Like nothing wants to go my way
Yeah, it just ain't been my day
Nothin's comin' easily
Up--up--up--
Can only go up from here
Up--up--up--Up
where the clouds gonna clear
Up--up--up--
There's no way but up from here
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...
Today was a tough one... Nothing that particularly took my breath away, nothing that made me transcend the present- till... I got into the car and put on the stereo! It was a very personal and a personalised musical experience.
It was as if Shania was speaking for me, singing what I would have sung, feeling what I was feeling!
When you are THAT low- there's only one up from here!!
So here's to the Zen moment of today- Shania Twain's Up! An amazing song- wonderful music, and beautiful lyrics...
UP!
It's 'bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's buggin' me
Like nothing wants to go my way
Yeah, it just ain't been my day
Nothin's comin' easily
Even my skin is acting weird
I wish that I could grow a beard
Then I could cover up my spots
Not play connect the dots
I just wanna disappear
Up--up--up--
Can only go up from here
Up--up--up--Up
where the clouds gonna clear
Up--up--up--
There's no way but up from here
Even something as simple as
Forgettin' to fill up on gas
There ain't no explanation why
Things like that can make you cry
Just gotta learn to have a laugh
Up--up--up--
Can only go up from here
Up--up--up--Up
where the clouds gonna clear
Up--up--up--
There's no way but up from here
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...
When everything is goin' wrong
Don't worry, it won't last for long
Yeah, it's all gonna come around
Don't go let it get you down
You gotta keep on holding on
It's 'bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's buggin' me
Like nothing wants to go my way
Yeah, it just ain't been my day
Nothin's comin' easily
Up--up--up--
Can only go up from here
Up--up--up--Up
where the clouds gonna clear
Up--up--up--
There's no way but up from here
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...
So... There is really no way but up from here! A fresh perspective. A new outlook.
My Zen moment of the day-3 ii
Each time I pick up the scalpel, I transcend the reality of a physical existence and transform into someone who feels magic of working with nature and fusing with the divine.
I lose myself and feel some presence take over. I admire the surgical field as if a spectator. Somewhere I am the one wielding the knife and the one carrying out the motions but it is something bigger and finer that takes over. I m grateful for that presence in my life. It allows me to experience the divine each time I operate. It makes me experience the moment powerfully each time I perform a surgery.
Today was no different. What was even more gratifying was the fact that perhaps, the Divine was making the field much cleaner, bloodless and artistic than could be expected clinically.
This Zen moment made me realise the presence of a transcendent reality in each moment that opens a divine experience for each of us if only we open ourselves to feeling it!
I lose myself and feel some presence take over. I admire the surgical field as if a spectator. Somewhere I am the one wielding the knife and the one carrying out the motions but it is something bigger and finer that takes over. I m grateful for that presence in my life. It allows me to experience the divine each time I operate. It makes me experience the moment powerfully each time I perform a surgery.
Today was no different. What was even more gratifying was the fact that perhaps, the Divine was making the field much cleaner, bloodless and artistic than could be expected clinically.
This Zen moment made me realise the presence of a transcendent reality in each moment that opens a divine experience for each of us if only we open ourselves to feeling it!
My Zen moment of the day-3
So far so good! I seem to be doing better than I thought I would or could!
For today there are several moments that could make the day momentous. ;-) I will try and stick with two.
The coffee came with a breath-taking aroma. I was sitting facing a transparent glass face obliquely. The background was full of noises about Anna and the outrage of his being put away, somewhat secretly- taken to an unknown location.
The view outside the cafe was also breath-taking- the rain had washed all the dirt and grime from the trees and the roads. Delhi was looking like a clean clean place to be- the politics notwithstanding.
The book I was reading also was enough of a handful and mindful to actually make me force myself to look up and out rather than simply enjoy the wonderful day.
Then I saw the cup- The smile.The smiling heart. I saw this as the sign. Things are about to change. Incidentally the book I am reading is also on Change. Anna is also fighting for a change. The usually grimy and hot Delhi was also changed today.
Lots of change around- and lots to divert attention from the moment... but the cup held me. Transfixed. It was too joyful to let the moment pass.
Sometimes one has to just stop.
And become a spectator rather than the player.
Watch the drama unfold. In wonder and awe at the possibilities, the alternative universes that can open up each fleeting moment.
And sit back and let the flow of NOW take over.
I not only loved the smell of the coffee, I also loved the look of the coffee, and the taste and the warmth of the hot fluid warming my cold vessels. The feel of the cup in my hand reminded me that even the cold can be and will be overcome.
The coffee pleased all my senses.
For today there are several moments that could make the day momentous. ;-) I will try and stick with two.
The coffee came with a breath-taking aroma. I was sitting facing a transparent glass face obliquely. The background was full of noises about Anna and the outrage of his being put away, somewhat secretly- taken to an unknown location.
The view outside the cafe was also breath-taking- the rain had washed all the dirt and grime from the trees and the roads. Delhi was looking like a clean clean place to be- the politics notwithstanding.
The book I was reading also was enough of a handful and mindful to actually make me force myself to look up and out rather than simply enjoy the wonderful day.
Then I saw the cup- The smile.The smiling heart. I saw this as the sign. Things are about to change. Incidentally the book I am reading is also on Change. Anna is also fighting for a change. The usually grimy and hot Delhi was also changed today.
Lots of change around- and lots to divert attention from the moment... but the cup held me. Transfixed. It was too joyful to let the moment pass.
Sometimes one has to just stop.
And become a spectator rather than the player.
Watch the drama unfold. In wonder and awe at the possibilities, the alternative universes that can open up each fleeting moment.
And sit back and let the flow of NOW take over.
I not only loved the smell of the coffee, I also loved the look of the coffee, and the taste and the warmth of the hot fluid warming my cold vessels. The feel of the cup in my hand reminded me that even the cold can be and will be overcome.
The coffee pleased all my senses.
My Zen moment of the day-2
The sky was overcast and the sun did not rise at all! A lazy morning in bed- awake and yet not so. The day was truly independence from all time bindings.
Wonderful weather and beautiful moments fused into the promise the day held.
Suddenly Neeraj called," Wanna go for a long drive?"
"The weather is wonderful and we'll waste it sitting inside at home", we thought. "What the heck! Cancel the music class. Get ready and GO!"
And we did. The day lived up to the promise. Cool breeze. And great company. A drive along a great highway and soulful music. It could not be better!!!
But all this was not what I would call my ZEN moment of the day! Great as it was- it was nothing equal to the surprise we experienced late in the evening!
My Zen moment of the day was seeing Vinny in my drawing room! Arguably one of my BEST friends- back from the US as a surprise and what a surprise!
He knocked the breath out of me. I could only look and feel his presence and try to pinch myself to believe he could actually be sitting on my sofa and talking to me! And his parents (That is the argument! Who is a better friend- his parents or him!?) sitting alongside gleefully grinning in the astonishment written all over me... That was The Zen moment of my day today. Hugging Vinny- believing the impossible and experiencing the limit of the possibilities in the small universe we call home.
Friends rock. And they are what makes the rock music such a fantastic discharge and recharge- preparing us to be able to face the world again!
So... Thanks to Neeraj, we did something TOTALLY outlandish and unplanned today- and immensely enjoyed it. And we also tasted the icing on the cake seeing Vinny back home- today.
Wonderful weather and beautiful moments fused into the promise the day held.
Suddenly Neeraj called," Wanna go for a long drive?"
"The weather is wonderful and we'll waste it sitting inside at home", we thought. "What the heck! Cancel the music class. Get ready and GO!"
And we did. The day lived up to the promise. Cool breeze. And great company. A drive along a great highway and soulful music. It could not be better!!!
But all this was not what I would call my ZEN moment of the day! Great as it was- it was nothing equal to the surprise we experienced late in the evening!
My Zen moment of the day was seeing Vinny in my drawing room! Arguably one of my BEST friends- back from the US as a surprise and what a surprise!
He knocked the breath out of me. I could only look and feel his presence and try to pinch myself to believe he could actually be sitting on my sofa and talking to me! And his parents (That is the argument! Who is a better friend- his parents or him!?) sitting alongside gleefully grinning in the astonishment written all over me... That was The Zen moment of my day today. Hugging Vinny- believing the impossible and experiencing the limit of the possibilities in the small universe we call home.
Friends rock. And they are what makes the rock music such a fantastic discharge and recharge- preparing us to be able to face the world again!
So... Thanks to Neeraj, we did something TOTALLY outlandish and unplanned today- and immensely enjoyed it. And we also tasted the icing on the cake seeing Vinny back home- today.
The Zen moment
Walking out of a class that did not happen, with a head full of thoughts that could not be caught and headed for a corner that would not be defined- I had to figure things out for myself.
Not a very great place to be- some would say.
I say- It is a place of new beginnings. It is a place that allows me to leave behind whatever is not working for me- including myself!
What is it that I want from myself today? This s a question that has confused me enough and troubled me enough to make me want to rethink EVERYTHING in my life.
Why do I work? Why do I do the work I do? What makes me happy- truly happy? What would be my deepest regret were I to die today? Would there be anything powerful enough to hold me back to the life I live today?
What am I looking for? What do I want? WHY?
What is love? What is happiness? What is it that everyone is running for and after?
My mind is full of thoughts that are running at break neck speed- and are so hard to catch. It is a wonder that I have simply descended a flight of stairs and so much has already gone through my head!
I come back to the world. To Now.
I notice the black grill that fences the edge of the stairs in a school. Among the lines and breaking the linearity are tiny bead-like globes- two on each bar.
It sets me pondering..."Why did I not notice these earlier?"
And then, I realise why I notice them today is also not because they catch my eye in their own right but the man who is focussing all his attention on them!
He is young, but not too young. He may be in his mid forties. He has a white head band tied in a single knot across his forehead, quite like the Zen masters in folklore. The whiteness sharply contrasts with the dirty workclothes he is wearing. The workclothes are stained with grease and grime- and pigment, some black and some red. Aah! The colours of teh fence!!
He is wearing a pair of black plastic rimmed glasses that impart a definite aura of a great scientist at work. The work he is doing and the clothes he is wearing somehow are so incongruous with the assumed mundane nature of the job of painting a grill.
He holds a fine brush in his right hand and is focussing on one single globe. The brush is held lightly between the fingers and the thumb that expertly move the paint to coat the bead in precise and well marked out outstanding red colour.
The concentration is worthy and reminiscent of a Zen master or of the scientist. The job is that of a painter. He is defining a line that limits and defines the red from the black. The black bar was broken and punctuated by the red dot.
His attention was unwaveringly on teh red dot. It was as if the line from his eye to his shoulder through his arm and the brush fused the grill with the painter. And in a sense they were ONE.
He was a deeper than a Zen master in the moment- and the bandana emphasised the picture, heightened it.
How long has this Zen master been painting fences?! Is each fence a work of art? Does he even realise the power he wields in his hand?
How many of us feel the same feeling during a work day?
WHat are we willing to do to feel that way on an ongoing basis in our life?
Are we willing to come from that place of utter love and sheer force that makes everything else non-existent?
Are we even capable of that single ZEN moment each day- ONE moment that touches eternity and renders everything else unimportant?
I am going to give this a try- for the next thirty daysI am going to look for and try to find ONE Zen moment in my day- and I am going to write about my Zen moment EACH day.
It could be anything and last for a fleeting moment or for an hour- more or less- but I am looking for a moment of bliss and bless. A moment of fulfilment. One moment each day for the next thirty days.
My 30 day challenge.
I know I failed my last thirty day challenge. And I also know that Past is not equal to Future because there is a very important link of the present in between...
Even the longestlife lived on this planet by the turtles who live to a hundred and fifty years or more is but a figment , a fleeting moment or even less in the life of the Universe. What fills our experience and our heads is the feeling that WE define our Universe- which ofcourse, we do, but it is our Universe that transcends infinity and mystery.
I made my SFGTD box!
A few days ago, I received a mail from a friend. It reminded me that much as we believe our life moves because we make some decisions and that we decide to do or think or feel in a certain way- God above could have other ideas.
This mail was a reminder that God will take care of anything that troubles any of His children- but He will do it only in his own good time. This would mean that He would need to know that His child had left something to Him.
The mail further went on to ask everybdy to have a Something For God To Do Box and put those trouble in it that are seemingly insurmountable. And forget them.
That is what I did.
I made a box. Called it my SFGTD box, put my troubles in it and forgot about it! Now I have faith. He will do what is best. He seems to be having His fun right now and hopefully feeling proud of how much His children can bear. He may be conducting a test of nerves and of patience. He knows He will only give as much trouble as we can bear. It will only make us stronger and better.And then, He will send the solution, too.
Hopefully it will be a solution that will make the world a better place. It will be a reminder of how the apple falls right where it is supposed to!
You see, long long ago, when God was giving apples to all of His children, people queued up to receive them. A tiny child heard that God was giving away apples. He also got into the queue. The people moved ever so slowly, took their allotted apple and went their way. There were so many of them that the young child got really exhausted just waiting for the apple to fall in his outstretched hands.
The sun travelled all the way across the skies- and the day was done. The child was very close to giving up but reminded himself that the apple would change everything. That the apple would be the reward of waiting this long.
God was observing. He was looking forward to brushing hands with this boy. He noticed, however, that there was only one apple left for the day... He threw this apple right at the boy. Utterly exhausted, the boy could not catch it- and it fell to the ground. And when it fell, the boy noticed that the apple was overripe and discoloured from the side.
The boy was very surprised... But asked God- What can I do with this apple, O Lord!?
God's reply was simple, " Come back for another one tomorrow, my son!"
So the boy came back the next day. The God gave him another apple. This one also fell out of his hands. And God told him to come again. This went on for a few days.
God kept throwing the apple away, and the boy kept coming back each day- till finally God came across a bright, shiny, red and juicy apple. God picked up the apple, looked it over with a critical eye, and delicately placed the apple on the child's palm.
The boy was overjoyed. But he stopped... And asked... "Why?"
God answered," My son, you were so patient and so good, that you HAD to have the best possible apple. Each time you came along, the apple in m hand had some defect- either it was not ripe enough, or it was over-ripe. Some apples were just not big enough and some were not sweet enough. You deserved something more than even I had at that time.
So... I waited for the right apple to match you. This is THE apple.
So... when you are thinking why God is waiting and not letting you have the apple that HE seems to have given almost everyone else- remember- He is waiting for the BEST to drop into your hands.
He ALWAYS has you in mind. ALWAYS.
This mail was a reminder that God will take care of anything that troubles any of His children- but He will do it only in his own good time. This would mean that He would need to know that His child had left something to Him.
The mail further went on to ask everybdy to have a Something For God To Do Box and put those trouble in it that are seemingly insurmountable. And forget them.
That is what I did.
I made a box. Called it my SFGTD box, put my troubles in it and forgot about it! Now I have faith. He will do what is best. He seems to be having His fun right now and hopefully feeling proud of how much His children can bear. He may be conducting a test of nerves and of patience. He knows He will only give as much trouble as we can bear. It will only make us stronger and better.And then, He will send the solution, too.
Hopefully it will be a solution that will make the world a better place. It will be a reminder of how the apple falls right where it is supposed to!
You see, long long ago, when God was giving apples to all of His children, people queued up to receive them. A tiny child heard that God was giving away apples. He also got into the queue. The people moved ever so slowly, took their allotted apple and went their way. There were so many of them that the young child got really exhausted just waiting for the apple to fall in his outstretched hands.
The sun travelled all the way across the skies- and the day was done. The child was very close to giving up but reminded himself that the apple would change everything. That the apple would be the reward of waiting this long.
God was observing. He was looking forward to brushing hands with this boy. He noticed, however, that there was only one apple left for the day... He threw this apple right at the boy. Utterly exhausted, the boy could not catch it- and it fell to the ground. And when it fell, the boy noticed that the apple was overripe and discoloured from the side.
The boy was very surprised... But asked God- What can I do with this apple, O Lord!?
God's reply was simple, " Come back for another one tomorrow, my son!"
So the boy came back the next day. The God gave him another apple. This one also fell out of his hands. And God told him to come again. This went on for a few days.
God kept throwing the apple away, and the boy kept coming back each day- till finally God came across a bright, shiny, red and juicy apple. God picked up the apple, looked it over with a critical eye, and delicately placed the apple on the child's palm.
The boy was overjoyed. But he stopped... And asked... "Why?"
God answered," My son, you were so patient and so good, that you HAD to have the best possible apple. Each time you came along, the apple in m hand had some defect- either it was not ripe enough, or it was over-ripe. Some apples were just not big enough and some were not sweet enough. You deserved something more than even I had at that time.
So... I waited for the right apple to match you. This is THE apple.
So... when you are thinking why God is waiting and not letting you have the apple that HE seems to have given almost everyone else- remember- He is waiting for the BEST to drop into your hands.
He ALWAYS has you in mind. ALWAYS.
the long and lonely road
I am on a path.
I have not seen where it leads. I know not even where I stand when I stand today. I have to take a leap of faith and keep walking.
I have not seen where it leads. I know not even where I stand when I stand today. I have to take a leap of faith and keep walking.
Yet I know I am living in allignment with my true north. I love doing what I do today- and love being who I am today. There are, admittedly, areas where I want to BE more- but not very many where I want to HAVE more.
Were I to die in my sleep tonight, I would have only one regret- that I would not see my children grow to adulthood that I would not have contributed to shaping their world view and their self view. And THAT would be a deep, deep regret.
Sometimes it is lonely.
Sometimes I feel tired, too.
And all I can do is hold on- and hold up. And I can hope to find just one person - just one more person who is walking on the same road.
Someone who will make it possible for me to realise that I am not alone. That there are others who feel like I do- who think like I do and live like I do.
And once in a while- a kindred spirit does come along and holds your hand and holds you up- and lets you know that they understand.
They tell you exactly- "I know and I understand!"
And what's more- you can see it in their eyes!
And that makes all the difference...
Sometimes it is lonely.
Sometimes I feel tired, too.
And all I can do is hold on- and hold up. And I can hope to find just one person - just one more person who is walking on the same road.
Someone who will make it possible for me to realise that I am not alone. That there are others who feel like I do- who think like I do and live like I do.
And once in a while- a kindred spirit does come along and holds your hand and holds you up- and lets you know that they understand.
They tell you exactly- "I know and I understand!"
And what's more- you can see it in their eyes!
And that makes all the difference...
When FLOW takes over
Flow... the feeling of losing yourself in whatever you are doing... It is a feeling when the result becomes irrelevant, only the activity captures our full attention. It is the feeling that ONLY this matters. Of course, the results are disproportionately high.
Flow is when you experience the joy of simply watching the child take the first few tottering steps. It is also the feeling you experience when you climb the highest mountain you have conquered. Flow is the psychology of the optimal experience. It is pure and present experience of total immersion.
A teacher experiences the feeling when the class is at the verge of a breakthrough and do not even hear the bell ring. A surgeon experiences it when he is in the OR and everything disappears from consciousness except his hands and the patient.
A mother feels the same feeling in the touch of a small hand, fingers curled tight around her own. The father feels the same feeling when the son dons the cap at graduation. Flow is the unique feeling we can create at any time and in any activity.
Thinking back to today's OT, each case was different, unique and an experience of total immersion. I was in flow. I knew nothing else than what was happening under my hands.
It was a great day. And a blessed one. I am grateful... grateful for all the blessings. Grateful for all the opportunity to fell the mojo. Grateful for the blessing life really is.
Thank you God for the life we live. And the joy you give. Thank you God for the food we eat and the love we have. Thank you God for everything.
Spending a few moments in deep gratitude can transform our inner environment. And change our perception of the outer, too.
Flow is when you experience the joy of simply watching the child take the first few tottering steps. It is also the feeling you experience when you climb the highest mountain you have conquered. Flow is the psychology of the optimal experience. It is pure and present experience of total immersion.
A teacher experiences the feeling when the class is at the verge of a breakthrough and do not even hear the bell ring. A surgeon experiences it when he is in the OR and everything disappears from consciousness except his hands and the patient.
A mother feels the same feeling in the touch of a small hand, fingers curled tight around her own. The father feels the same feeling when the son dons the cap at graduation. Flow is the unique feeling we can create at any time and in any activity.
Thinking back to today's OT, each case was different, unique and an experience of total immersion. I was in flow. I knew nothing else than what was happening under my hands.
It was a great day. And a blessed one. I am grateful... grateful for all the blessings. Grateful for all the opportunity to fell the mojo. Grateful for the blessing life really is.
Thank you God for the life we live. And the joy you give. Thank you God for the food we eat and the love we have. Thank you God for everything.
Spending a few moments in deep gratitude can transform our inner environment. And change our perception of the outer, too.
My world.
Life is great... the sun is hiding behind the clouds and the green of the plants is shining through as if they are lit from within. And may be they are. All the trees are full of young leaves that look golden green. This somehow lights up the tree. And if that tree happens to be an Amaltaas- WOW!!! Delhi is full of these wonderful trees with few leaves and loads of dangling flowers that take over the mind scape and the landscape.
The scene is surreal. The birds are also flying low- covering all the trees that the eye can see, sitting on the electricity poles when they can. So many birds! And then you are brought back to the reality of the moment by that insolent driver behind you who blows his horn so hard that you get assaulted out of your reverie despite windows that are rolled up. Why? The light is still red. There are a couple of cars and a bus in front of me. If they do not move, can I? Will blowing the horn get the first car to move BEFORE the light signal permits it to?
Why is there so much noise in our world? Why are the people so taken over by the need to be loud and to be heard? And is there a way we can find our internal compass and silence in the noise? Is there a place where we can find that light that seems to be coming from within the trees start to come from within us?
Where can we see our light?
Where will we hear our silence?
When?
How?
NOW?
The scene is surreal. The birds are also flying low- covering all the trees that the eye can see, sitting on the electricity poles when they can. So many birds! And then you are brought back to the reality of the moment by that insolent driver behind you who blows his horn so hard that you get assaulted out of your reverie despite windows that are rolled up. Why? The light is still red. There are a couple of cars and a bus in front of me. If they do not move, can I? Will blowing the horn get the first car to move BEFORE the light signal permits it to?
Why is there so much noise in our world? Why are the people so taken over by the need to be loud and to be heard? And is there a way we can find our internal compass and silence in the noise? Is there a place where we can find that light that seems to be coming from within the trees start to come from within us?
Where can we see our light?
Where will we hear our silence?
When?
How?
NOW?
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I sat in the car waving to my son's back... He was going in the school gate. I thought back to just a few years ago. It was the first da...
Yippee!!!
You see... Dyslexicon is my dear husband who has always maintained, much to my irritation, aggravation and frustration that he is no longer my friend! He can only be a husband- or a friend.
Now who is he to say that he is not my friend?! I am the one who decides who is my friend. He can say that I am not his friend but not that he is not.
But all that rests with the judgement of the one judge he just might accept! The Internet BABA!!
He is THE geek of the family, THE computer wizard, THE guy who has the responsibility to see all our 'individual machines are virus free and run smoothly all the time. He is also THE guy who made sure till some time in the past that all the machines went through a routine of clean up and defrag each week.
It went like clock-work.
It is not as if he cannot live without teh gizmos that he lives with- he has gone on treks ALONE when he has been unreachable by any means. No phone, no newspaper, no internet, no means of communication at all.
These have been his trips to 'get away from it all', and he comes back recharged with the conviction that he CAN battle the world on his own terms.
In the distant- very distant past, Cave Man retreated to caves and stayed there till he figured out things for himself. The Cave Woman was left to do all that she could. Things have not changed too much in a couple of millenia and more!
The Cave Man still disappears from teh world that is his battle-field and his play-ground. He still thinks alone, speaks little and walks a lot.
And the cave woman reas the family and tries to do whatever she can!
To be fair, this once he wanted me t go with him. I chickened out. I am not ready for it yet. I want to be close to my children. They had just finished their exams. It was time for them to have fun- how could I just FLY away- and not be available even for a little chat.
May be... somewhere in the future, when they grow up, and think they do not need me, I can make this trip with Sanjay. But till then... I love him, and I love them. He can and often does take care of himself. They want to be ith me and take as much caer of me as they want me to take care of tehm. I love it. I cherish eachmoment of love and belonging I share with them.
I do not need to climb any mountains outside- for now. I have enough thrill of climbing great ones with the children every day.
But... finally... An independent source up-loaded- that Dyslexicon aka Dr Sanjay Dhawan is my MY FRIEND!!!
Yippee!!