Till just a few minutes ago, everything was a blurr. Life was going by, passing by, rushing by. I seriously thought that the day would finish and I would not be able to find that Zen moment. The day has been an unimpressive one with nothing that really took my breath away.
When there are too many patients, one finds oneself quite overwhelmed, and quite unable to put up with the deluge. But today, I realised that I had become so used to being totally occupied with the caring that not caring was more overwhelming.
The day being a Friday in the Ramadan, there were very few patients in the OPD. Or probably it was Anna's arrival at the Ramlila Grounds that took away people.
Whatever it was the fact that there was less to do was actually disheartening. And difficult.
Grappling with the inner conflict I have been looking for ONE great moment each day- simply to shift my focus and my energy. And I was getting beaten at my own game.
Then I got an sms from a teacher- one who is like a tender parent- one who likes to spread warmth and happiness...
And I walked into his presence feeling the whole world bearing down on me.
I walked out feeling stronger and more able to deal with whatever the world may have in store for me. Good cards or bad. I can play that hand. And not only- I can play it- I can win it too.
And the Zen moment struck not in his presence- but when I left from his presence. It struck while I was walking out and became stronger and stronger as I kept walking. It became sharply focused with the driving wheel in my hand.
I HAVE to make the choice to HOLD the steering wheel of my emotions, become the driver of my own car and my life!
And I am good at that.
The sense of recovered control was an immense relief. After many many day and even months, I felt in control- once more.
Sometimes, it takes a moment to flip that switch and a vision that transforms the sky full of clouds into a dramatically beautiful breathtaking vista that colours the world pink and orange and purple and all the wonderful shades of the rainbow.
The clouds are the same. The colours are suddenly more visible.
The person is the same, the personality suddenly more obvious.
To that moment...
Everyday...
When there are too many patients, one finds oneself quite overwhelmed, and quite unable to put up with the deluge. But today, I realised that I had become so used to being totally occupied with the caring that not caring was more overwhelming.
The day being a Friday in the Ramadan, there were very few patients in the OPD. Or probably it was Anna's arrival at the Ramlila Grounds that took away people.
Whatever it was the fact that there was less to do was actually disheartening. And difficult.
Grappling with the inner conflict I have been looking for ONE great moment each day- simply to shift my focus and my energy. And I was getting beaten at my own game.
Then I got an sms from a teacher- one who is like a tender parent- one who likes to spread warmth and happiness...
And I walked into his presence feeling the whole world bearing down on me.
I walked out feeling stronger and more able to deal with whatever the world may have in store for me. Good cards or bad. I can play that hand. And not only- I can play it- I can win it too.
And the Zen moment struck not in his presence- but when I left from his presence. It struck while I was walking out and became stronger and stronger as I kept walking. It became sharply focused with the driving wheel in my hand.
I HAVE to make the choice to HOLD the steering wheel of my emotions, become the driver of my own car and my life!
And I am good at that.
The sense of recovered control was an immense relief. After many many day and even months, I felt in control- once more.
Sometimes, it takes a moment to flip that switch and a vision that transforms the sky full of clouds into a dramatically beautiful breathtaking vista that colours the world pink and orange and purple and all the wonderful shades of the rainbow.
The clouds are the same. The colours are suddenly more visible.
The person is the same, the personality suddenly more obvious.
To that moment...
Everyday...
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