It was perhaps in 1995 that I read The Celestine Prophecy. It brought about a significant shift in my thinking about the world and what happens in it.

All human interactions- all interactions- are energy exchange processes. The entire Universe is a source of endless energy that we can tap into each time we quietly allow some to flow in.

But...

Human beings, especially, do not tap into a source that is all around us and can charge us endlessly. We interact with our peers, youngsters and elders in energy exchange interactions... or more appropriately competitions.

There are various types of personalities defined for the purpose of convenient identification. These may be Intimidators, Interrogators, Aloof, and the Poor Me.

Each of us starts out with a set of childhood experiences which arm us ( or disarm us) for all our future interactions. These are more like Control dramas that are played out to capture energy from the interaction. We try to control the energy and usurp a major share. We, however, do this in very personalised styles.

An INTIMIDATOR, classically, are attention seekers in an aggressive manner. They are loud and have outbursts. All those around them are constantly afraid that they may trigger an outburst of anger or even rage. They invoke feeling of fear and anxiety around themselves. They are least resisted by the POOR ME. This closely matched drama is largely passive, and presents a helpless face. The POOR ME constantly says," Do not hurt me! Look what you are doing to me." Poor me's want to make Intimidators feel guilty and stop the surge of energy outflow, thereby keeping their own.

Next is the INTERROGATOR. An Interrogator questions each little activity and breaks down spirit. These people are hostile, passive aggressive or active aggressive. Always critical of each move, they pick faults, can be perfectionist, self-righteous, skeptical. They may be highly intelligent and appear logical. But their fault picking puts everyone around them on guard. They are matched by ALOOFS, who simply guard themselves against intrusive criticisms of interrogators by closing themselves off.

ALOOFS are often caught up in their own internal world of self doubt. They invite others around them to draw them out by behaving in a closed manner. They are not only loners but very lonely... almost begging to be drawn out of their secret shells. They are the ones who wear their being different on their sleeves and use it as a constant argument to justify everything they do. Their constant refrain is that nobody understands them. Aloofs usually match up with Interrogators who would try to draw them out with questions, but they also tend to invoke Intimidators or even Poor Me's because they can potentially respond to any power play by clamming up.

POOR ME is the victim- perpetual and eternal. This one wants sympathy and may occasionally slip into Aloof when they are giving the silent treatment. They are not really looking for solutions but use the problems only as points of conflict that evoke sympathy. Poor me sustain their victim status by partnering with intimidators

These control dramas usually start when the children are trying to gather their required energy from their parents. Intelligent aware parents would help the child learn to tap into nature, couple it with senstive nurture and use the Universe as the universal source of energy. The problems arise when the parents start competing with their own children because they have not given up their individual control dramas. They, then invoke a complementary control drama in their children.

Parents who have risen above the need to compete for energy, then, teach their children how to tap into the universe and teach them that such a competition is, infact, unnecessary. These parents and these children make for peaceful happy noncompeting homes.

When a girl gets married

I had a patient today- a young girl. She was pretty, and quite jovial. She jokingly remarked that her parents would not mind spending on her treatment as it was just a matter of a few more months.

She was smiling. A naughty gleam. It was refreshing. And yet it took me back a few years. To the time I was a newly wed.

I had been madly in love with my husband. I was a little sentimental- but mostly quite comfortable with the idea of being with my husband. Though I did feel a little that my father would miss me and that I would miss him, too. At the same time, I was sure we would adjust and it was not much of a big deal. Besides, I was in love! That was foremost. That was all that mattered.

I could not fathom how everybody ended up crying with the bride's departure. What was so final about a girl getting married. I knew I would not cry.

By God! I was wrong.

I cried. I cried in the car- the finality of my separation from my parents hit me with the force of a sledge hammer coming down full force on my head. My husband was very supportive and started playing a song that would hold my tears back... And he succeeded.

Little did he realise in his love that he had only postponed the inevitable.

The next day, the entire family got together and opened up all their old memory banks. All the albums of the home were on the table. Everybody sat cross legged and relaxed.

" See? This is Bittoo when he was three" exclaimed my mother-in-law. Then someone screamed with delight at the sight of the man in college. There were many more shots- in school, in college, in a restaurant, in the grounds, with friends, with grandparents, with siblings, with parents...

Oh! where was my family? Why did I have to be here? I found my heart filling up. And my eyes, too. All were busy rejoicing. No one thought about what I was missing. I was missing my umbilical cord. I knew what I needed. I wanted my mother. Now. I wanted my father. Now.

It was nearly eleven in the night. I was inconsolable. I started crying bitterly. Suddenly... it was no longer just fun memories. These people were enjoying exactly what I had been denied! It was a strange sense of loss. I could not accept it! It seems surprising, now. However, then, the only thing I wanted was to be back with my parents. Sanjay took me out for a walk. He tried talking to me, and holding my spirit up and even promised to take me back, the first thing next morning.

I finally cried myself to sleep and woke up with a new found hope of somehow turning the tide on itself. It could be done, I knew.

Somehow, it is only post facto that we mostly realise just how much the relationships in our life really mean to us. I have since grown in my marriage- been able to accept a lot and not been able to adapt to a lot, too. In the process, I have found a new level of maturity and acceptance. And doscovered more depth and love in myself and around me.

I have come to value my parents more since I have become a parent, myself. I have realised that I love both my spouse and my children- and my friends with a depth that cannot be defined. I have come to realise that - ultimately- in life- it is only our relationships that matter and define us.

And that is what I told this chirpy girl today. That she should value her feelings and those of her parents. That she should savour each moment she has. Time will pass. And if you are lucky, you may be granted a chance to say all this to those who matter to you. Say it while you can. To all those who can.