Do you write to be read? ... Or to write?

This is a question I have often encountered in myriad ways, in many situations...
Why do I want to do Medicine? I was often asked when I was a middle school student. It was somehow not enough that in the foggy reality of teen age, when everyone else was just trying to make sense of their own worlds, I knew mine and saw mine so clearly that I did not have to think about what I wanted to do with my life. It was always what, and then I was supposed to explain why! Why was it not enough to want to become a doctor because it thrilled me?
I had no fancy and lofty ideas about altruism and wanting to become a doctor because I would 'get the opportunity to do some good in the world'. Ouch! Yes! I never wanted to become a doctor for the others in the equation. I wanted to become a doctor because it thrilled me to know I COULD do so much. And that would be different and perhaps more than an ordinary mortal could. I still enjoy the challenge of solving biological mysteries each day, several times each day. Yes... someone else is benefited in the bargain. Yes... someone else feels better in the process. Yes... it gives much love and adulation... And yes... it is a different day each day.
My primary reason was the sense of satisfaction of DOING, and making a difference. It was not making a difference FOR others... but simply making a difference. And I knew that if I did this job well, someone would feel better for having been touched by me. It was all a Divine plan. It was not for others but for my own deepest desire to DO a new thing every day that I wanted to become a doctor.
And all those who want to become a doctor for all the good they can do FOR others, forget that it requires immense amount of passion, drive and dedication to keep doing something so well that it can make a difference.

Now I face the same question- why do I write? Do I write to write or to be read?
Is it not enough that I try to make sense of a world in which there are as many tunes as people? Is it not enough that I write? And have the courage to put it up- bare my soul- so to speak- open, vulnerable and shared. I write to write. Of course, it feels great to be read. Of course, it is good to know that there are kindred spirits who feel similarly and cry and laugh at similar things. Of course it feels good to know that I am not alone- in my thoughts and my world. There are others who are touched by the same words and who will also share openly. Without judgement and be as open about sharing their own inner world.

The bottomline is that I would write even if I was not read by another soul. I would write it if it was a pesonal journal that would never be read by anyone else! I would write because it satisfies my creative urge to write. I write because it serves to take me to a deeper place within me and allows me to be myself-

And each time I see someone achieve something extraordinary, I cry a silent tear- of immense happiness and satisfaction. It takes a lot of courage to be yourself- and do something so well that doing it becomes the reward in itself.

I get very sentimental and emotional for that child who walks up the steps to the stage and proudly claim the reward the world gives for having done well. But... would that child not do what they can if that was not coming?

I feel overwhelming emotions WHEN I see love and achievement...


No comments:

The reeds that float… Nidhi Dhawan May 10, 2020 · 1 min read The reeds that float on the waves and get carried away are part of the flow tha...