This October prompt got me thinking at a tangent... I am not very good at the routine kind of lies... I cannot even lie to save my life- it shows so plain on my face that a blind man can see it! I cannot say that I have completed a project when I have not. I cannot say that I 'forgot ' the form, if I did not! I cannot say I am happy when I am not. And I cannot say I am sad when I am not.
I am an pen book. The pages have bold print. And the rough edges are all worn through from the repeated page turnings. They can be very easily read, and deciphered.
But is that always so?
These are the things that we relate to the external world with. What happens when we are relating to our own selves?
Do we not try to hide our own deepest fears as well as our own weaknesses from ourselves? Do we not lie to ourselves when we try to tell ourselves in moments of utter despair that it does not matter? Of course it matters! WHat ever that IF is! It matters - and that is why we find ourselves in the space where we want to FIND some happiness and some joy. We lie to ourselves again! We tell ourselves that we will be happy once this is over. We will be happy when...
But it never really works out that way. And we lie to ourselves again! I TRIED EVERYTHING! BUT...
And the chain of lies goes on. It is all going on at a level that we do not often recognize. A level that lies just below the conscious- there if just dip in-and not if we just go on.
So... I guess I am very good at telling a lie!
And it is time I caught myself. And stopped myself. And told myself what IS and separated it from what my story about that reality is.
I need to free myself up!
I am an pen book. The pages have bold print. And the rough edges are all worn through from the repeated page turnings. They can be very easily read, and deciphered.
But is that always so?
These are the things that we relate to the external world with. What happens when we are relating to our own selves?
Do we not try to hide our own deepest fears as well as our own weaknesses from ourselves? Do we not lie to ourselves when we try to tell ourselves in moments of utter despair that it does not matter? Of course it matters! WHat ever that IF is! It matters - and that is why we find ourselves in the space where we want to FIND some happiness and some joy. We lie to ourselves again! We tell ourselves that we will be happy once this is over. We will be happy when...
But it never really works out that way. And we lie to ourselves again! I TRIED EVERYTHING! BUT...
And the chain of lies goes on. It is all going on at a level that we do not often recognize. A level that lies just below the conscious- there if just dip in-and not if we just go on.
So... I guess I am very good at telling a lie!
And it is time I caught myself. And stopped myself. And told myself what IS and separated it from what my story about that reality is.
I need to free myself up!
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