Anger management

Anger has been defined by the Webster's as "strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by real or supposed wrong".

Stop. Think. Think about all parts of that definition- strong feelings, displeasure, belligerence, real or supposed wrong. Who do you most express your anger with/ on? Would you get angry and scream at your boss? At that man in the office who is forever wasting your time? That woman, maybe, who steals your ideas and your credit? Oh! and how can we forget that driver in front of you who does not get the hell out of your way when you are in a hurry.

However, you may be one of those ordinary mortals who scream most when at home and have an air-hostess-smile for outsiders. If you scream outside- you are out of control, you have a problem, you need help etc.. etc... If you scream at home- it is justified. You are only wanting the best for your children, you have been genuinely hurt by your spouse etc... etc...

I have often thought about this myself. A few of my friends, including me- are exemplary mothers. Excruciatingly patient with our children (especially in company) and fully committed to their bright future. Do we not lose sight of the present? This wonderful advert about some insurance company portrays it very beautifully... Aaj khelo- kal to bade hona hi hai! Play today- you have to grow up tomorrow.

Why is it that the games that mark the childhood glee and joy must end with adulthood? Why must the laughter be replaced by angry, glum mindset? Why must we be in a hurry to grow up and become centres of pressure and anger in our own areas of influence. Why can we not expand our circle of influence and grow with it?

My son woke up in the middle of the night and asked for me. Running to his side I gently enquired of him whether he needed something. A deep-seated reflex- activated despite the sleep. Our children love us so unconditionally! Can we not offer the same quality of love and commitment to them. We may justify our anger and claim it is for their good that we get angry. Sometimes it is, however, a feeling of complete helplessness that makes us lose it. We really cannot do it any better! So... get angry...

Would I talk to a person who screamed at me the way I sometimes do with my kids? Probably not. But they still run to me with open arms- still hug me with all their strength- still want me with all their might. Do not get me wrong here. I do not get angry all the time. I do not even get angry for a long time. I feel I need to, once in a while, exercise this option when the children do not listen.

I have decided today- I must find myself another strategy. Scream free parenting need not be about books and manuals offering unfollowable advice. I hit upopn the gold pot today. Bring you voice DOWN a decibel rather than going up. Believe me- I have tried it. It works.

The only thing needed out of good parenting is to be good! Our children will have enough friends- we have to be parents which is a big responsibility. It needs strong shouldres and a stronger heart to be a good parent. It takes consistency and commitment to be a good parent. It takes a life-time of understanding and empathy to be a good parent.

It nees US to be GOOD to be good parents... and human beings... are we ready for it?