There are times when the whole world seems to come crashing down on you, or me, or someone!
And we feel like we just cannot take another breath without feeling the pain. We feel
so weary that we cannot place even one foot in front of the other. Walk? Not possible.
We absolutely must sit down.We must catch our breath. Or even simply drift off to sleep- in the desperate hope that things will have transformed while we sleep. Or we will have regained at the least some strength to go on walking. These times can come as we walk in life, or on that mountain trail. They may be proverbial or real.
You know you CANNOT go on... but you do.
When you feel that you cannot even stand, you must make that effort to just take one step... and then one more... And you have told your brain that you could do more than what the brain thought was possible. You 'confuse' the wits out of that consciousness that tells you "no more".
It is the first step which is the most difficult, the heaviest and the one that you are the most aware of. Then, you have taken the step. You lifted your foot and had it hanging in the air for those few moments, not knowing whether it would come down on its own under the pull of gravity or would be under the control of the will you seem to have lost.
That moment is the moment of pure awareness. It is the moment of being totally in the moment- NOW. It allows you to experience extreme vulnerability, and sheer curiosity- what will happen next...
It beats all meditation, all mental training, all physical prowess. Because this moment brings you sharply in focus to the ability of this machine to go on despite the odds, in fact- in spite of them. The body and the mind go on- much more and much better in the face of absolute agony and sheer pain.
And the moment the foot touches the asphalt- you know the victory is in your grasp. You still need to reach out and hold it. And to hold it, you must first reach out with an open palm- supplication to whoever watches from above.
Then, slowly, ever so slowly, the exhaustion gives way to exhileration. And the feeling that nothing is unbeatable- not us, nor the adversity. We could not be beaten by the adversity, and the adversity could as easily have taken us.
The last year has been one of several such moments...
When that one step seemed impossible...
When the breath came in gasps...
When the pain and the agony had become the definition of life...
When each moment was a moment of testing and trying..,
And each time, I remembered my father's words- when you cannot take that ONE step- take THAT one step. AND then take another. And then count in tens to yourself. Keep small targets. With each achieved end, you have a new beginning. You can leave everything behind. It does not matter. Because this is a beginning of the new ten steps. We often walked as young children kilometer after kilometer of ten steps, and ten more and then ten more.
That really is the secret to living through the difficult times, too, is it not?
It is when you just cannot- that you MUST!
And we feel like we just cannot take another breath without feeling the pain. We feel
so weary that we cannot place even one foot in front of the other. Walk? Not possible.
We absolutely must sit down.We must catch our breath. Or even simply drift off to sleep- in the desperate hope that things will have transformed while we sleep. Or we will have regained at the least some strength to go on walking. These times can come as we walk in life, or on that mountain trail. They may be proverbial or real.
You know you CANNOT go on... but you do.
When you feel that you cannot even stand, you must make that effort to just take one step... and then one more... And you have told your brain that you could do more than what the brain thought was possible. You 'confuse' the wits out of that consciousness that tells you "no more".
It is the first step which is the most difficult, the heaviest and the one that you are the most aware of. Then, you have taken the step. You lifted your foot and had it hanging in the air for those few moments, not knowing whether it would come down on its own under the pull of gravity or would be under the control of the will you seem to have lost.
That moment is the moment of pure awareness. It is the moment of being totally in the moment- NOW. It allows you to experience extreme vulnerability, and sheer curiosity- what will happen next...
It beats all meditation, all mental training, all physical prowess. Because this moment brings you sharply in focus to the ability of this machine to go on despite the odds, in fact- in spite of them. The body and the mind go on- much more and much better in the face of absolute agony and sheer pain.
And the moment the foot touches the asphalt- you know the victory is in your grasp. You still need to reach out and hold it. And to hold it, you must first reach out with an open palm- supplication to whoever watches from above.
Then, slowly, ever so slowly, the exhaustion gives way to exhileration. And the feeling that nothing is unbeatable- not us, nor the adversity. We could not be beaten by the adversity, and the adversity could as easily have taken us.
The last year has been one of several such moments...
When that one step seemed impossible...
When the breath came in gasps...
When the pain and the agony had become the definition of life...
When each moment was a moment of testing and trying..,
And each time, I remembered my father's words- when you cannot take that ONE step- take THAT one step. AND then take another. And then count in tens to yourself. Keep small targets. With each achieved end, you have a new beginning. You can leave everything behind. It does not matter. Because this is a beginning of the new ten steps. We often walked as young children kilometer after kilometer of ten steps, and ten more and then ten more.
That really is the secret to living through the difficult times, too, is it not?
It is when you just cannot- that you MUST!
2 comments:
Thanks for posting this! I'm trying to find information on Incontinent and this has definitely helped me in this process.
Incontinent literally means out of control- here I refer to my 'pen' - a devise for literary creative output. It may also signify thoughts and emotions that beg or scream for outlet!! What are you looking for?
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