Control dramas and human interactions

Try and read this slowly. 

 The whole world - animate and inanimate is composed of foci of energy. 

The energy is not and cannot be static so it keeps shifting. The mountains form and crumble and the earth shakes and tectonic plates collide to generate ever new 'inanimate' energy centers. Would you call this inanimate? It is very much a dynamic animate entity that moves dramatically across millennia and the impact, thus, is seen in retrospect- generations after the whole process began. 

It is still considered a scientific mystery as to how the Universe formed and what is still, in the present happening to it outside our observable limits. Notice I say outside our OBSERVABLE limits. What we cannot observe, we cannot fathom. It still IS. It does not cease to exist simply because we cannot and sometimes will not see it! 

 Each life form- animate or inanimate contributes to the flow of energy that sustains the Universe. 

For the energy to keep flowing, it has to keep moving. It follows the simple universal laws of nature and flows along the gradient.

The sun shines. 
The plants take it up as do the rocks and the oceans. 
The energy then gets transformed into life-sustaining food and life-generating forces of the earth, the water, and the wind. 

The energy moves on and feeds the deer and the deer is then eaten by the lion. 
Simple food chain you would assume.

The water gets heated, rises, and cools; 
pouring down and quenching the thirst of the earth and the world below.
Simple water cycle you would say. 

The wind flutters and exerts its own influence on the flora and the fauna, upon the earth and the beings that live on it. This Flow is what determines the sustained life force. This flow is Universal. Available to you and to me just as much as it is to anyone else. It requires no special apparatus to tap into this universal life force. 

Over a period of time, while most of the raw, native, and virgin Nature follows the principle of Energy exchange, we, humans have isolated ourselves. 

We have cut ourselves off from the life-sustaining and enriching force that is all around us. 

We have forgotten that all we have to do is OPEN UP. 

When we see someone doing this- opening up to receive the force we call them spiritual or sometimes labels that we cannot logically explain. We assume that the whole thing is beyond the scope of our OBSERVABLE limits. Since we have cut ourselves off, the mere act of 'being' depletes our energy. Since energy is not static if the connection is not established, depletion is inevitable. 

If we are not connected to receive, we feel depleted and look for alternate sources to replenish our depleted energy. We only know how to connect to other humans around us so we establish patterns that allow us to tap into the energy of these humans. We also try to get energy from our food and water- but that is on the superficial plane. The life force is not sustained by fuel that burns. Lifeforce is sustained by energy that generates.

These energy interactions that humans have with each other fall into four rough patterns. The 'Celestine Prophecy' describes these best. There are four basic types of people- Intimidators, Interrogators, Aloofs and Poor me

These control and energy hooking dramas are acquired through childhood influences of our cultures and parents. These are usually unconscious and may at times shift somewhat along the spectrum. This may be a passive drama, playing on other people's curiosity or sympathy to gain attention ( hence, energy). 

When it is sympathy one is seeking, he plays out the Poor Me Drama. These people would play out how everything happening to them is horrible and perhaps, the other is responsible for all their misfortune. If you refuse to help this Poor me, he is probably going to simply finish- all because of you. Guilt. You always end up feeling guilty around such people, and a strange depression you know is not justifiable cloaks every interaction you have with these people

When one simply clams up, not wanting to share anything with their mate/ peers or spouse, they are trying to arouse curiosity by being Aloof. Aloof would get vague and distant, closed clams. They draw energy to themselves by forcing others to pay extra attention simply to be part of a family or peer group. All those around them would constantly be on their feet lest this person clams up again. 

 An Interrogator would be probing everything about you- finding that one crack in your armor that he can use to hook into your energy. He will criticize you simply on that weak point and suck your energy literally. This person will slowly but surely undermine your confidence in yourself. You are his victim- you can either defend yourself by becoming the Poor Me or by becoming Aloof. 

 And the most aggressive are the Intimidators. These are the people who will use force or threat to incite fear that if you do not do their bidding something terrible will befall you. Some parents are well-meaning Intimidators- they are aggressive, get angered easily, and threaten dire consequences for not listening to them. They are proud to proclaim themselves well-meaning strict parents. However, they will only promote the Aloof or the Poor Me counter drama in their children. And in extreme cases, the child grows up into another Intimidator

 Sooner or later, we have to realize that the Energy Flow is all around us. We have to learn to re-hook to nature rather than suck each others' energy. We have to learn to NOT PLAY ANY DRAMAS. When we are open and connected to Nature's Energy path, we receive freely and fill up without having to compete for it. 

But... we have to be equally open to passing it on as we are to receiving it. After all, there is only as much tea you may fill in a cup or a kettle. If you fill to the brim and do not pour out, you will only overflow. The stagnant energy will run cold just like the tea that is left untouched. Even if you are constantly connected till you empty out the cold tea, no matter how much you pour from the top, the tea will stay cold. 

 When we interact with our children, when we interact with our spouses and with our friends, we may be different things at different times, but predominantly we tend to practice one drama to perfection. 

Look at yourself. 
Become the spectator. And disconnect all dramas. Objectively interact with peers and with children. No threat. No victim mentality. 

You are given EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED TO BECOME WHAT YOU MUST BECOME. 

No one else has any role in it except, maybe, help you identify the final goal or even the important milestones or even the path you need to take. The energy you need is free. It need not be sucked from your husband or wife, from your son or your daughter or even your friends. Those that we call spiritually heightened souls have achieved this connection and are open to both receiving and giving. Each of us has that capacity. We only need to raise our consciousness to the next level. 

 This may be a dramatic time in Human history when more and more people are feeling restless despite successful lives and this may be due to the fact that it is time to reconnect. I am reminded of yet another line that I read somewhere, I do not know the source. I wonder whether the man is a Human being seeking a spiritual experience or a spiritual being living a human one. I would tend to say we are spiritual beings who have chosen to live a human existence. It really looks like the time to wake up is now- we may do it happily or we may be forced to do so unhappily. But wake up we shall all have to.

My family

It is late, very late at night. Infact, it would be more appropriate to call it very early hours of the next morning. It is pitch dark outside. No stars and a small, tiny sliver of the moon is reflecting just about sufficient light to be just seen. No more. It illuminates itself. It does not light up the dark night. The air is cold and thick. Like a blanket that may be held in your hands. It requires only that we rise to the next level of consciousness.

Everyone around me is sleeping. And watching my family in this room- all of us together, is something I would not trade for anything else in the world. Call me old fashioned- but here I am. Watching. Contented. Somewhat pained but mostly at peace.

We all have our moments of love- and of despair. Of peace- and of war. However, each moment passes into the next. And into eternity. We come into this world alone. We will depart alone. We know not where we came from. We know not where we will go henceforth. We do know that we fill the interim between the so called birth and death with love and hate, friendships and enmities, peace and war, and with relationships. Most of all- relationships.

It is only in reference to our world and those around us that we express our emotions.

We are what we are. However, we manifest a persona that interacts and emotes. The real us is deep within and we keep looking without. Yet the superficial manifest self consumes us passionately.

Tonight watching my husband in deep sleep, while I sit awake, reading and writing, I catch my thoughts mid stream.

I love this man.

One foot just peeping out from the edge of the blanket appears strangely beautiful. I do not want him to give me love, or time, or money even. I donot want him to feel limited by my presence in his life. I only want him by my side.

I only want him by my side.

I can deak with anything. I can play any hand dealt to me. But I want only that this man I call my husband be beside me.

My sleeping children only serve to strengthen my resolve.

I am not a saint nor a sage. Only a normal human being. I have my moments of turmoil and of attachment. I want to be attached. I an not ready to look at the world God has put around me with detachment.

I want my children to grow up into fine human beings. I want to be able to impart to them the wisdom to discriminate between good and bad and to be able to hold on to what is vital to the fabric of life. Being who they are, they will learn anyway. But I want to be the one playing this role in their lives. God gave me the role- it is my duty to make sure I do this well.

No sacrifice is big enough for this role. For this duty. For this life.

Infact, nothing can be called a sacrifice when compared to this value system and belief in life's sacred thread.

And yet, there are moments when I begin to doubt myself... when I ask myself whether I am doing the right thing? Whether I have so far been doing the right thing? Why do I sometimes feel so helpless, angry and alone? Why must I carry all the burden alone? And then... I withdraw from the scene and watch myself. Objectively. Then, I tell myself, I'm OK. It will only get better and better. It has to!

That was yesterday!

That was yesterday!

Today the game was over before it had begun.

My body was an automaton, working to a spinal routine it follows everyday. There was no fight in me. My mind was being churned by a thousand thoughts moving at whirlwind speed with the destructive force of a devastating tornado. My heart and soul were still trying to recover. There... really... was... no... fight... left in me!

Some long lost line I had read in some far away past by an author I do not remember flashed on my mental screen -" And all we can hope for is to die in our sleep" May be it was a Kenny G song- Gambler? Why did he say it? When did he say it? Was it part of a song? Poem? Book? I was not sure. I tried to detach myself from the thought and analyze it. The only analysis that I could make was this- " I know how you feel."

Today was one of those days that I was down and blue right at the onset of the day. It was a carryover from yesterday. It had been a horrible day yesterday. I did not want to talk about it but I was finding myself dragged deep into a dungeon I did not like. I am not like this! I reminded myself. It did not work.

As I turned the final turning to the hospital at a very sedate pace- not really caring whether I was on time or not, I suddenly realised I had to reach at 8:30 today for a common meeting. Not the usual nine. I had left home at 8:30. Down in dumps. Hating the thought of having to get out of bed today. Hating to get into the car today. really not wanting to drive today.

The battle was really hopelessly lost even before it had begun. I had lost this one somewhere in the restless night's sleep.

Happy Valentine's day!


Looking back at yesterday's post, it seemed poignat that the two successive days should be host to two entirely different mental attitudes from the same person. One upbeat and the other hopelessly depressed.

Like it is said in our Scriptures, Highs and lows of life are like the movement of a wheel, up today, down tomorrow. Neither rejoice in delight nor cry in sorrow... these are cyclic changes.

सुखं आपतितम सेव्यं दुखम आपतितम तथा
चक्रवात परिवर्तन्ते दुखानी च सुखानी च

This is the best that google transliteration could do. I know there are spelling errors in this one. What it means is - As one welcomes happiness, so should one accept the sorrow that comes. Both, happiness and sorrow are parts of the same wheel and change cyclically one after the other.



The game

The game is not lost till it is won. And till you have even a minute of game left, you have sixty seconds worth of chance to win.

These were the thoughts swimming in my head at breakneck speed on my way to the hospital.

It was 8:55 am. I had reached the ITO crossing. I knew if I found this signal red, it would take away three minutes of precious time I had left to reach BEFORE nine.

I rejoiced. YES! I rejoiced. The signal was green! This had to be God telling me winning could be a possibility. I crossed the crossing( well... what else would you do to a crossing!?) The road ahead was clear. Strange at this time of the day. Now, I had this stretch of a clear road ahead and the final traffic signal. If this too was green, I would be in time.

Red. I saw from a distance. Oh no! three minutes. My eyes moved from the road to the dashboard. the clock was incessantly moving. Who can stop or slow down time? Theory of relativity is great but not when you have a deadline in a few minutes.

8:56, the clock proclaimed. I was drawing nearer to the signal. I slowed the car. 60kmph to 50. Still red. Further slowed to 40 and then 30. The signal turned green, I was still a few yards away. Yippee! My heart jumped for joy.

8:57.
I knew I could not cover the last stretch in three minutes. But, it was not a lost cause. Till the last second ticked and the clock actually said nine, the fight was not over! I kept on.

8:58.
Very close. Almost at the gate. No milk truck had come in the way, no cycle rickshaw overloaded with tiny school children rolling slowly in front of me. I was at the gate. Now only to turn in! I had made it. The triumph of spirit over matter. The triumph of fortune over time.

Just then, not one but two cycle rickshaws entered my field of vision. Coming in from the opposite side, almost at the gate. They did not stop. I had to stop to let them pass.

8:59.
One rickshaw passed. The next one rolled along. These two s...l...o...w...l...y passed my next few seconds away in an excruciating transit in front of the hospital gate. The clock struck nine. I was still out here!

The game was over.

I was, however, strangely at peace... I had tried, almost won, and then, not really but very nearly lost. Was this so important? Would it be as important tomorrow? Would it be so dramatic after a year? After five years?

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