Reading this book was in itself an experience.
This was one book that even I had to read making my own 'notes' to keepa track of all that teh author had to say! And that is saying a lot, I think!
And then, reading on, suddenly I saw my own hand blown out of proportion... The lines I was reading suddenly jumped out of teh page and right into my mind. The clarity was mind blowing. And beauty of the moment was breath taking. It was precisely this kind of experience that the 12th Insight said humans could have when they were on a path of self discovery and discovery of a higher purpose.
There was definitely a moment where everything fused into me and I became a part of everything around me. But I was not having a any great revelations about any higher purpose. Infact, I was feeling a desperate need to hold on to just this kind of moment because it could make my moments more breathtaking- more bearable than the mess I found myself in.
Yes... It is possible to find rapture.
Yes... It is possible to find beauty.
Yes... It is possible to find allignment.
Yes! Yes!! Yes!!!
Still trying to catch a Zen moment!
Following up on Project Zen
I had a dream. A ery uneasy dream. I also knew in the dream that I was dreaming. I was searching- looking- and unable to find... Sanjay.
Knowing this was a dream, I wanted to wake myself up and be done with it. And I was also afraid that it was already morning- so I did not want to wake up lest the 'morning dream' become a nightmarish reality.
I love Sanjay.
I was extremely uneasy not being able to find Sanjay anywhere in my dream. I looked high and low. I looked everywhere. I looked at home, and outside. I looked at work and in the market place. I could not find him. And I have never felt this sad, and lost for the want of another human being.
Waking up, finally to the call of the morning by Sanjay himself was comfototing. It was reassuring to find him so naturally present HERE. NOW.
So many years have passed since we got to know each other that we sometimes lose count. Cliched as it sounds- We do forget the dates and years- sometimes. What stays ever fresh is the feeling. It is as if the years are not important- moments are.
I love. Words that are profound, yet mundane. This smile- this feeling- this love- it is great to be loved and to love.
It is reassuring to have ONE person who loves you - irrespective.
It is more than a Zen blessing to have a man love you this much and to feel as much love for him.
I love Sanjay! Froggy and all!! With glasses and without. In good moods and bad ( well...) And in each little moment that I can I d not tire of telling him how much he means to me... It is really unimportant how he feels simply because I know he feels the same way.
Love is a warmth that can outlast the coldest night. It is that safety net that catches you no matter how high you fell from. It is that feeling you have when on the road, you realise someone is waiting at home. Home is so because love stays there.
My love. Your love. Our love.
Zen moment of the day
The sky was speaking a language... The language of beauty and of hope. The silver tint of the clouds of doubt!!
And golden, too!
And the rays radiated out in a shower of light that made the sky dramatic and breathtaking.
The dirt road was there- and not there.
The Light poles were there with the wires and they ere also not there!!
The sky overpowered every other element in the scene. The sky was high and dark and broight and greya nd colourful, it was serious and dramatic, it was every little emotion rolled into a big one.
And the clouds just got better and better with each minute.
This sky tells us unambiguously that 'it' is all there. Always.
The pole reaches for the clouds. And punctuates them. It is possible to rise over all the dirt that you may encounter in life. And even if all you see is grey, you will find a riot of colour- soon enough. Hidden.
My Zen moment of the day-6
And the day was done. I had not had many patients in the headache clinic. I did a lot of reading and encountered a lot of mind-blowing stuff but nothing that took me to the edge. I took a few moments of solitude and thought. It still eluded me.
I had just finished cooking the dinner. And the kitchen looked awe-inspiring. The everyday mundane stuff that I had been taking for granted. Ergonomics at their practical best. I really love my kitchen. I even took a picture- I would surely not be able to find another moment in the day.
But the surprise came from the most unlikely source!! Sanjay wanted my phone- and when I asked him why- he smiled. It was the same smile that took my heart away so many years ago that it seems another era!
He said he wanted to play games! This was unprecedented! Sanjay- and games?! I-phone has accomplished what nothing else has been able to do till date. The fun and the lessons of 'games' are lost on this man. I sometimes do wish he would loosen up and have a laugh. He does have a great sense of humor but one that does not make him laugh- he has those dead pan ones that can tickle the most serious of the specimens of humanity. But Sanjay rarely laughs.
He took my phone and dialled his own number. And the screen lit up! It was one of the most beautiful images of mine that I have seen in the recent past. Saniya had taken that picture with his phone. And it was a great moment- head tilted just a bit to the sky- the smile like a sunrise-daring the world to go dark and the pen in one hand that gives the picture a punctuation mark! It was a game that this man played- and he won me over- once more.
Sanjay is truly a blessing.
I love this man. More than I can say. Much more than he can ever imagine... but the zen moment brought alive the feeling of being loved and being in love once more.
My Zen moment of the day-5
When we got into the car to go to school in the morning, two boxes of Nescafe Vanilla coffee were invitingly placed on the dashboard. They were attractive, bright- and- COFFEE!!!
But the Zen moment was not just finding them invitingly placed there- it was having Moksh look at them with total and utter fascination and adoration. He was even slurping as if he could really taste the coffee!
A child's imagination can make any moment touch eternity. A child's imagination can bring alive the world in the immediate and make everything else irrelevant.
It was suddenly unimportant that we could get late because Saniya was not yet ready. It was suddenly irrelevant that we had to wait for Saniya to come out.
We could simply... enjoy... our coffee! Without even having the cup in our hand.
When I grow old, I would love for my children to keep this feeling and this imagination alive. I would love for them to feel that good decoration could be having book shelves, or cycles, or music, or pictures - or whatever else it is that lights up their inner fires. And THAT can be totally different from the world's view of what is the way a sitting room should look- but it is their own personality that they live- comfortably, happily.
And yes, Moksh may really be able to carry this moment into his future and be able to live it once again with his own children- not waiting or wanting to hold the cup to be able to feel the coffee in his system...
God bless our children. they make us realise that life has more to it than everyday living, and the most profound moments are hidden in the most mundane. We only need to be alive and open enough to experience them.
My Zen moment of the day- 4
Today was a tough one... Nothing that particularly took my breath away, nothing that made me transcend the present- till... I got into the car and put on the stereo! It was a very personal and a personalised musical experience.
It was as if Shania was speaking for me, singing what I would have sung, feeling what I was feeling!
When you are THAT low- there's only one up from here!!
So here's to the Zen moment of today- Shania Twain's Up! An amazing song- wonderful music, and beautiful lyrics...
UP!
It's 'bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's buggin' me
Like nothing wants to go my way
Yeah, it just ain't been my day
Nothin's comin' easily
Even my skin is acting weird
I wish that I could grow a beard
Then I could cover up my spots
Not play connect the dots
I just wanna disappear
Up--up--up--
Can only go up from here
Up--up--up--Up
where the clouds gonna clear
Up--up--up--
There's no way but up from here
Even something as simple as
Forgettin' to fill up on gas
There ain't no explanation why
Things like that can make you cry
Just gotta learn to have a laugh
Up--up--up--
Can only go up from here
Up--up--up--Up
where the clouds gonna clear
Up--up--up--
There's no way but up from here
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...
When everything is goin' wrong
Don't worry, it won't last for long
Yeah, it's all gonna come around
Don't go let it get you down
You gotta keep on holding on
It's 'bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's buggin' me
Like nothing wants to go my way
Yeah, it just ain't been my day
Nothin's comin' easily
Up--up--up--
Can only go up from here
Up--up--up--Up
where the clouds gonna clear
Up--up--up--
There's no way but up from here
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...
The reeds that float… Nidhi Dhawan May 10, 2020 · 1 min read The reeds that float on the waves and get carried away are part of the flow tha...
When there are too many patients, one finds oneself quite overwhelmed, and quite unable to put up with the deluge. But today, I realised that I had become so used to being totally occupied with the caring that not caring was more overwhelming.
The day being a Friday in the Ramadan, there were very few patients in the OPD. Or probably it was Anna's arrival at the Ramlila Grounds that took away people.
Whatever it was the fact that there was less to do was actually disheartening. And difficult.
Grappling with the inner conflict I have been looking for ONE great moment each day- simply to shift my focus and my energy. And I was getting beaten at my own game.
Then I got an sms from a teacher- one who is like a tender parent- one who likes to spread warmth and happiness...
And I walked into his presence feeling the whole world bearing down on me.
I walked out feeling stronger and more able to deal with whatever the world may have in store for me. Good cards or bad. I can play that hand. And not only- I can play it- I can win it too.
And the Zen moment struck not in his presence- but when I left from his presence. It struck while I was walking out and became stronger and stronger as I kept walking. It became sharply focused with the driving wheel in my hand.
I HAVE to make the choice to HOLD the steering wheel of my emotions, become the driver of my own car and my life!
And I am good at that.
The sense of recovered control was an immense relief. After many many day and even months, I felt in control- once more.
Sometimes, it takes a moment to flip that switch and a vision that transforms the sky full of clouds into a dramatically beautiful breathtaking vista that colours the world pink and orange and purple and all the wonderful shades of the rainbow.
The clouds are the same. The colours are suddenly more visible.
The person is the same, the personality suddenly more obvious.
To that moment...
Everyday...