My Zen moment of the day-6

Today... definitely was not a great day. Positively did not deliver the moment I was looking for. I thought I just had to find that elusive moment.

And the day was done. I had not had many patients in the headache clinic. I did a lot of reading and encountered a lot of mind-blowing stuff but nothing that took me to the edge. I took a few moments of solitude and thought. It still eluded me.

I had just finished cooking the dinner. And the kitchen looked awe-inspiring. The everyday mundane stuff that I had been taking for granted. Ergonomics at their practical best. I really love my kitchen. I even took a picture- I would surely not be able to find another moment in the day.

But the surprise came from the most unlikely source!! Sanjay wanted my phone- and when I asked him why- he smiled. It was the same smile that took my heart away so many years ago that it seems another era!

He said he wanted to play games! This was unprecedented! Sanjay- and games?! I-phone has accomplished what nothing else has been able to do till date. The fun and the lessons of 'games' are lost on this man. I sometimes do wish he would loosen up and have a laugh. He does have a great sense of humor but one that does not make him laugh- he has those dead pan ones that can tickle the most serious of the specimens of humanity. But Sanjay rarely laughs.

He took my phone and dialled his own number. And the screen lit up! It was one of the most beautiful images of mine that I have seen in the recent past. Saniya had taken that picture with his phone. And it was a great moment- head tilted just a bit to the sky- the smile like a sunrise-daring the world to go dark and the pen in one hand that gives the picture a punctuation mark! It was a game that this man played- and he won me over- once more.

Sanjay is truly a blessing.

I love this man. More than I can say. Much more than he can ever imagine... but the zen moment brought alive the feeling of being loved and being in love once more.

My Zen moment of the day-6

, originally uploaded by naturewalker.

Till just a few minutes ago, everything was a blurr. Life was going by, passing by, rushing by. I seriously thought that the day would finish and I would not be able to find that Zen moment. The day has been an unimpressive one with nothing that really took my breath away.

When there are too many patients, one finds oneself quite overwhelmed, and quite unable to put up with the deluge. But today, I realised that I had become so used to being totally occupied with the caring that not caring was more overwhelming.

The day being a Friday in the Ramadan, there were very few patients in the OPD. Or probably it was Anna's arrival at the Ramlila Grounds that took away people.

Whatever it was the fact that there was less to do was actually disheartening. And difficult.

Grappling with the inner conflict I have been looking for ONE great moment each day- simply to shift my focus and my energy. And I was getting beaten at my own game.

Then I got an sms from a teacher- one who is like a tender parent- one who likes to spread warmth and happiness...

And I walked into his presence feeling the whole world bearing down on me.

I walked out feeling stronger and more able to deal with whatever the world may have in store for me. Good cards or bad. I can play that hand. And not only- I can play it- I can win it too.

And the Zen moment struck not in his presence- but when I left from his presence. It struck while I was walking out and became stronger and stronger as I kept walking. It became sharply focused with the driving wheel in my hand.

I HAVE to make the choice to HOLD the steering wheel of my emotions, become the driver of my own car and my life!

And I am good at that.

The sense of recovered control was an immense relief. After many many day and even months, I felt in control- once more.

Sometimes, it takes a moment to flip that switch and a vision that transforms the sky full of clouds into a dramatically beautiful breathtaking vista that colours the world pink and orange and purple and all the wonderful shades of the rainbow.

The clouds are the same. The colours are suddenly more visible.
The person is the same, the personality suddenly more obvious.

To that moment...
Everyday...

My Zen moment of the day-5

, originally uploaded by naturewalker.

Today's Zen moment happened early in the day- really early. This is the view of and from the dashboard of my car.

When we got into the car to go to school in the morning, two boxes of Nescafe Vanilla coffee were invitingly placed on the dashboard. They were attractive, bright- and- COFFEE!!!

But the Zen moment was not just finding them invitingly placed there- it was having Moksh look at them with total and utter fascination and adoration. He was even slurping as if he could really taste the coffee!

A child's imagination can make any moment touch eternity. A child's imagination can bring alive the world in the immediate and make everything else irrelevant.

It was suddenly unimportant that we could get late because Saniya was not yet ready. It was suddenly irrelevant that we had to wait for Saniya to come out.

We could simply... enjoy... our coffee! Without even having the cup in our hand.

When I grow old, I would love for my children to keep this feeling and this imagination alive. I would love for them to feel that good decoration could be having book shelves, or cycles, or music, or pictures - or whatever else it is that lights up their inner fires. And THAT can be totally different from the world's view of what is the way a sitting room should look- but it is their own personality that they live- comfortably, happily.

And yes, Moksh may really be able to carry this moment into his future and be able to live it once again with his own children- not waiting or wanting to hold the cup to be able to feel the coffee in his system...

God bless our children. they make us realise that life has more to it than everyday living, and the most profound moments are hidden in the most mundane. We only need to be alive and open enough to experience them.

My Zen moment of the day- 4

, originally uploaded by naturewalker.

Lately I have been feeling so rock bottom low that I launched my Zen Moment of the Day project simply to start celebrating the little things that CAN make a day better.

Today was a tough one... Nothing that particularly took my breath away, nothing that made me transcend the present- till... I got into the car and put on the stereo! It was a very personal and a personalised musical experience.

It was as if Shania was speaking for me, singing what I would have sung, feeling what I was feeling!

When you are THAT low- there's only one up from here!!

So here's to the Zen moment of today- Shania Twain's Up! An amazing song- wonderful music, and beautiful lyrics...

UP!
It's 'bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's buggin' me
Like nothing wants to go my way
Yeah, it just ain't been my day
Nothin's comin' easily

Even my skin is acting weird
I wish that I could grow a beard
Then I could cover up my spots
Not play connect the dots
I just wanna disappear

Up--up--up--
Can only go up from here
Up--up--up--Up
where the clouds gonna clear
Up--up--up--
There's no way but up from here

Even something as simple as
Forgettin' to fill up on gas
There ain't no explanation why
Things like that can make you cry
Just gotta learn to have a laugh

Up--up--up--
Can only go up from here
Up--up--up--Up
where the clouds gonna clear
Up--up--up--
There's no way but up from here

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...

When everything is goin' wrong
Don't worry, it won't last for long
Yeah, it's all gonna come around
Don't go let it get you down
You gotta keep on holding on

It's 'bout as bad as it could be
Seems everybody's buggin' me
Like nothing wants to go my way
Yeah, it just ain't been my day
Nothin's comin' easily

Up--up--up--
Can only go up from here
Up--up--up--Up
where the clouds gonna clear
Up--up--up--
There's no way but up from here

Oh-- I'm going up
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh-- I'm going up
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah...

So... There is really no way but up from here! A fresh perspective. A new outlook.

My Zen moment of the day-3 ii

, originally uploaded by naturewalker.

Each time I pick up the scalpel, I transcend the reality of a physical existence and transform into someone who feels magic of working with nature and fusing with the divine.

I lose myself and feel some presence take over. I admire the surgical field as if a spectator. Somewhere I am the one wielding the knife and the one carrying out the motions but it is something bigger and finer that takes over. I m grateful for that presence in my life. It allows me to experience the divine each time I operate. It makes me experience the moment powerfully each time I perform a surgery.

Today was no different. What was even more gratifying was the fact that perhaps, the Divine was making the field much cleaner, bloodless and artistic than could be expected clinically.

This Zen moment made me realise the presence of a transcendent reality in each moment that opens a divine experience for each of us if only we open ourselves to feeling it!

My Zen moment of the day-3

, originally uploaded by naturewalker.

So far so good! I seem to be doing better than I thought I would or could!

For today there are several moments that could make the day momentous. ;-) I will try and stick with two.

The coffee came with a breath-taking aroma. I was sitting facing a transparent glass face obliquely. The background was full of noises about Anna and the outrage of his being put away, somewhat secretly- taken to an unknown location.

The view outside the cafe was also breath-taking- the rain had washed all the dirt and grime from the trees and the roads. Delhi was looking like a clean clean place to be- the politics notwithstanding.

The book I was reading also was enough of a handful and mindful to actually make me force myself to look up and out rather than simply enjoy the wonderful day.

Then I saw the cup- The smile.The smiling heart. I saw this as the sign. Things are about to change. Incidentally the book I am reading is also on Change. Anna is also fighting for a change. The usually grimy and hot Delhi was also changed today.

Lots of change around- and lots to divert attention from the moment... but the cup held me. Transfixed. It was too joyful to let the moment pass.

Sometimes one has to just stop.
And become a spectator rather than the player.
Watch the drama unfold. In wonder and awe at the possibilities, the alternative universes that can open up each fleeting moment.
And sit back and let the flow of NOW take over.

I not only loved the smell of the coffee, I also loved the look of the coffee, and the taste and the warmth of the hot fluid warming my cold vessels. The feel of the cup in my hand reminded me that even the cold can be and will be overcome.

The coffee pleased all my senses.

My Zen moment of the day-2

The sky was overcast and the sun did not rise at all! A lazy morning in bed- awake and yet not so. The day was truly independence from all time bindings.

Wonderful weather and beautiful moments fused into the promise the day held.

Suddenly Neeraj called," Wanna go for a long drive?"

"The weather is wonderful and we'll waste it sitting inside at home", we thought. "What the heck! Cancel the music class. Get ready and GO!"

And we did. The day lived up to the promise. Cool breeze. And great company. A drive along a great highway and soulful music. It could not be better!!!

But all this was not what I would call my ZEN moment of the day! Great as it was- it was nothing equal to the surprise we experienced late in the evening!

My Zen moment of the day was seeing Vinny in my drawing room! Arguably one of my BEST friends- back from the US as a surprise and what a surprise!

He knocked the breath out of me. I could only look and feel his presence and try to pinch myself to believe he could actually be sitting on my sofa and talking to me! And his parents (That is the argument! Who is a better friend- his parents or him!?) sitting alongside gleefully grinning in the astonishment written all over me... That was The Zen moment of my day today. Hugging Vinny- believing the impossible and experiencing the limit of the possibilities in the small universe we call home.

Friends rock. And they are what makes the rock music such a fantastic discharge and recharge- preparing us to be able to face the world again!

So... Thanks to Neeraj, we did something TOTALLY outlandish and unplanned today- and immensely enjoyed it. And we also tasted the icing on the cake seeing Vinny back home- today.