Living in grace

There are times when our internal fire runs low... very low... It seems that tomorrow has to bring in something better and more blessed because it cannot get any worse than today! And there may be several such days in succession.

Then, along comes some soul- friend, mentor, guide- who holds your hand and touches your soul. This friend, mentor, guide shows new light, new sources of fire and even helps light up fire that appears to be dying out!

Fortunate are those who find such help along the path life is taking them. However, more fortunate are those who are able to recognise this help God Himself offers. He cannot be everywhere (?) so He decides to send guardian angels who reignite our faith and our belief. They make us believe again that Life has a lot to offer. That we CAN do what we THINK we can!

These people drop in for a while or stay a while longer, but they are always around us. We not only need our eyes to see them- which we do, everyday; but hearts to really feel their presence- which we more often miss.

The noise and the distractions in the modern day world take our feelings and senses on a roller-coaster ride. It makes us dizzy with thrill, and sometimes nauseous with the assault on our senses. This only serves to blunt our perception of the blessings in our lives.

If we are to accept more in our lives, we have to BE more- quiet, receptive, accepting, and be ready to live in grace. We have to pass it on, too. Only in passing it on can we open up the path to receive more.

A cup that is already full cannot accept any more tea- as the Zen master says.

So... have courage, especially when the fire appears to be low. If you seek, you will find. Help is always around. You only have to reach for it.

Life? What really is it?

Something my husband said the other day set me thinking...

We, as doctors can have an objective view of often distressing issues and can effectively detach our emotions from some situations while maintaining a mental involvement with them. This allows us to avoid DIStress and deal with other's illnesses more objectively.

After more than fifteen years of being a doctor, I have not been able to master the art of detachment. I still cry with a sick child and still feel sorry for a dying patient. I still feel fascinated by the enigma of what really changes in the moment of death.

I have always been fascinated by the question... It is the same chemicals, arranged in the same visible formation and yet in one moment the 'electricity' goes off! The Hydrogen, Oxygen, Nitrogen, carbon, etc are still there. But the vital force simply... switches off.

Where is the switch?

Where is the source? and where does it go? Does the body change in any way other than losing its ... aaahhh... LIFE?

Interestingly, there was a study done by some scientists to find out if they could identify the entity called LIFE. They found out that the body becomes fourteen to twenty grams lighter in the moment of death! The obvious conclusion was that the soul is something that weighs as much!

It is as difficult to solve the mystery of mind and the brain... The structure that is nearly ninety percent water, looks like a dirty jelly, is protected by our skull, and appears to be the seat of control of all our bodily functions, works through endless, ceaseless electrical activity, the tiny currents drive innumerable chemicals through microchannels- This STRUCTURE is the brain. The thoughts and the activity, the feelings and the consciousness, even the subconsciousness- are the MIND.

The hardware is the body. The software? Life?

Random thoughts, these. The trigger? Left somewhere in the maze of my mind. I might write about it next... Are we infecting the earth?

The nine lives of a cat!

There are people out there who are trying to lose weight.

There are children out there who are struggling to stay ahead!

There are oldies out there who want to believe in immortality and will colour their hair or have spa treatments in the hope of maintaining youthful looks and body.

There are women out there who will do anything to look bigger (or smaller).

And kids who will go on misbehaving in the unrecognised hope that they will get what they want by attracting attention any which way.

And then there are many who follow a 'guru'... in the belief that such a following will take them across the oceans of existence into eternal bliss...

All of these and many more are simply matters of the mind transferred onto some physical reality (or perceived reality). All of them are going through the same motions and trying to get out of a groove while making the same groove deeper still.

If they keep doing what got them here... how can they hope to get out!?

Suddenly a cat dashed across the road in front of my car. And jolted me out of my reverie.

What was I doing? Waking up to the shrill alarm every morning and being the alarm for my children morning after morning. Going about the day in a repeat mode day in and day out. What am I doing?

Is this not quite like the cat who dashes across the path of an oncoming vehicle and survives? She feels the thrill of doing something that challenges some aspect of reality as she is living it. And feels the thrill of victory and she does it again. She is rushing, oblivious to an oncoming car or a truck, rushing to meet her own end! A cat might have nine lives but what of the tenth instance? In her nine escapes she has learned a behaviour pattern that is dangerous, unsafe and potentially life threatening but is perceived to be safe, harmless and fun! The first few times the dash is really a dash, reflexes heightened for survival. Then... the cat is lulled into a state of overconfident complacency that ultimately ensures a hasty end to a misadventure.

All human beings behave in the same manner.

When presented with a situation, they respond in a given manner. When confronted again they respond similarly if the first was a success. This eventually becomes a learned behaviour. If this behaviour results in desirable results in terms of happiness/ material or physical gains, it becomes reinforced. Till the tenth! Then the disaster strikes and jolts us back to a reality we would much rather not face.

If we are stuck in a rut and keep doing everything the same way... we will only deepen the groove. Stay on in the same groove. Deeper still. If you want to get out... you have to stop. If you want to get out... you have to move differently. Widen rather that deepen. Create a slope that is easier to scale.

A friend recently made a very profound statement.

I had enquired, quite the usual way," How are you?"

"Moving very fast almost out of control!" His voice was somewhat drained. Tired early in the morning.

"So slow down." I suggested. It appeared so simple that it did not need to be said.

There was a thoughtful pause. His mind was actually slowing down for those few moments. Then he said, very deliberately," You know something? When we are driving and the speed picks on? It thrills us to feel the wind against our skin, to see the speedometer racing, to find all that was moving alongside fall behind one by one. We pick up more speed. Go even faster. Suddenly we realise there is a traffic signal that needs us to stop... We hit the brakes... nothing! The brakes have failed and we are in a speeding vehicle. You know what we should do at such times?"

It was a rhetoric question. One that did not need an answer from me. He was deep in thought and had allowed me the grace to witness that moment of truth for my own life.

He continued, very somberly," When you realise you are at high speed, and the brakes have failed, you move into a higher gear- the highest you can. And let the speed rise further. Then you suddenly jerk the vehicle to stop by shifting to the reverse or the first gear. The jerk is mighty. But the car will stop. That is the only way to stop when the brakes have failed."

I was amazed at the imagery. I could almost feel the wind against my own face, my own heartbeat racing with the realisation that the brakes have failed and the jerk of stopping by moving into a lower gear. Life has a way of showing us our required life lessons in its own myriad ways.

My friend continued," Well... I am speeding out of control. I have realised my brakes have failed. I cannot stop now. I have to move into the highest gear before I can jerk to a stop. With this awareness, the best that I can do is to be prepared for the jerk when it comes!"

All this happened in moments. Just a simple hello!

Thanks Babla. Hoping that your jerk is not too jerky. Hoping that the momentum carries you smoothly to whereever you want to go.

Why do we not slow down while we still can without the jerk? Why do we not withdraw ourselves from our speeding life and become spectators of the spectacle we are making of ourselves? And why do we run? Why can we not appreciate the NOW?

A moment of silence...

It was an overcast morning.

A light drizzle and a small breeze were just enough to remind an onlooker about that wonderful feeling! People were rushing to work or blowing their horns at having been delayed ( much to their chagrin) at a traffic signal just turned red for them!

Running. Everyone is running. Everyone is running to catch they know not what.

I noticed a warning light come up on my dashboard... Fuel up NOW. It insisted. In the middle of the road. I found myself hoping either for a continuous unbroken driving pleasure with all the signals green or if red, to be so long enough for me to stop my car. Dead stop. No idling. No fuel wastage even on red signals.

One such traffic signal- inside a stopped car, I sat. Stillness enveloped me like a soft coccoon. The car windows rolled up had blocked out all he noise of the people in so much hurry that they could not notice their own breathing. I sat comfortably and closed my eyes for a moment of respite. It was in that moment of solitude and silence that I heard it.

A gentle tapping sound came from somewhere outside the car. It was inviting... very enticing. And very very very gentle. I wondered where it came from and what could it be. Then I saw it... The rain gently falling on the windscreen.

The Lord talks to us in many ways and myriad languages. He shows us plenty and we fail to see. He whispers in our ears and into our hearts and we fail to hear. He touches us in a lot of gentle ways but we are far too busy in our mundane existence to fathom the profound.

Take a moment.

Slow dow.

Hear.

See.

Live life... don't just survive it!

What kind of a tree is victory?

Life in the city has become so noisy that it has drowned peace, silence and soul.

Waking up to an alarm that should be loud enough to bring us back from slumberland, we start our wakefulness with cacophony. Rushing through the morning ritual of getting the children and their tiffins ready for school makes time fly. Is there a way to slow it down? Recently we, my children and me, were going through a routine morning when we started discussing phonics. My four year old is showing interest in books and wants to put sounds together. He mentioned enthusiastically that ,"it is W for victory!" Was it Chak De? Where had he heard the word? When English wants to denote w and v, both, to say the same sound, can you flaw the thinking of a small child?

I explained, " No, bitta, it is V for victory and w for watch. It is getting to be seven. Now let us get ready." I was there with him... but not quite. I wanted to pull him into the race against time. School gates will close. We have to get there in time, etc. etc.

He, then said something which stopped me dead in my tracks. "Mama," he asked innocently after pondering for a few seconds, " What kind of a tree is vicTREE?" The emphasis is the way HE said it. Four year old. What kind of a tree is victory? He waited. He knew I would answer. No matter what I am doing or how much in a hurry- if my children ask- they recieve an answer. Even if it is sometimes just to acknowledge the question. I thought. What should I tell him?

"Victory, Moksh, is winning..."? Na! Boring. Where is the imagination? Where is the playfulness? Where is the spark to start a fire? To set him thinking and wanting to learn more? I smiled," Moksh, that is a wonderful question! ( that gave me a few seconds to put my thoughts together) Victory is the tree everyone wants to climb. This tree gives a fruit people find sweeter and more delicious than the mango," I replied earnestly. Then I rounded it off with the unimaginative- "Victory is winning".

Within a few seconds a four year old had managed to slow down time. He made us pause and think. He brought us back to now- rather than just running to catch the next moment. Never really managing it because each moment leads to another one which then needs to be caught. Why can we not learn from the children? Why can we not be simple-hearted and live NOW? I could honestly not read beyond the first few pages of Eckhart's Now. This may be a politically suicidal statement. But- I could not. I do not even remember the few pages I did manage to read. My son brought the Now much more sharply into focus and made time stop.

Mornings used to be for gentle awakenings. For leisurely morning walks. For deep breaths and deeper prayers. Where did those mornings go? Those mornings when, during vacations, we woke up at midday and had lunch without thinking about breakfast are long gone. Now the children who are learning music or skating or have to leave for those tuitions or ... numerous other things... that they fill their time with. They are busy! Where is their childhood? Where are the pithhoo, the paalaa, the staappoo and the kho- kho? And would you allow your child to play Hide and seek in the public park? Did we ever think somebody could kidnap us? Were all strangers monstors? Where have we arrived? Is this the price we pay for progress? Is this progress?

As a parent and a well-meaning adult, I want to make this locality, this city, this country, this world a safer place for children. I want to make it safe for children to run a sweat playing in the park once again. I want the children to enjoy a picnic in open and safe spaces. I want them to laugh freely, to raise their heads in wonder and see how beautiful the world really is. I want to make it beautiful.

Are there others who think like me? I am sure there are. This posting may just start a movement. I hope it does. I pray it does.

Here's to living in the present moment- happily, safely, with eyes full of wonder and soul full of curiosity.