When a girl gets married

I had a patient today- a young girl. She was pretty, and quite jovial. She jokingly remarked that her parents would not mind spending on her treatment as it was just a matter of a few more months.

She was smiling. A naughty gleam. It was refreshing. And yet it took me back a few years. To the time I was a newly wed.

I had been madly in love with my husband. I was a little sentimental- but mostly quite comfortable with the idea of being with my husband. Though I did feel a little that my father would miss me and that I would miss him, too. At the same time, I was sure we would adjust and it was not much of a big deal. Besides, I was in love! That was foremost. That was all that mattered.

I could not fathom how everybody ended up crying with the bride's departure. What was so final about a girl getting married. I knew I would not cry.

By God! I was wrong.

I cried. I cried in the car- the finality of my separation from my parents hit me with the force of a sledge hammer coming down full force on my head. My husband was very supportive and started playing a song that would hold my tears back... And he succeeded.

Little did he realise in his love that he had only postponed the inevitable.

The next day, the entire family got together and opened up all their old memory banks. All the albums of the home were on the table. Everybody sat cross legged and relaxed.

" See? This is Bittoo when he was three" exclaimed my mother-in-law. Then someone screamed with delight at the sight of the man in college. There were many more shots- in school, in college, in a restaurant, in the grounds, with friends, with grandparents, with siblings, with parents...

Oh! where was my family? Why did I have to be here? I found my heart filling up. And my eyes, too. All were busy rejoicing. No one thought about what I was missing. I was missing my umbilical cord. I knew what I needed. I wanted my mother. Now. I wanted my father. Now.

It was nearly eleven in the night. I was inconsolable. I started crying bitterly. Suddenly... it was no longer just fun memories. These people were enjoying exactly what I had been denied! It was a strange sense of loss. I could not accept it! It seems surprising, now. However, then, the only thing I wanted was to be back with my parents. Sanjay took me out for a walk. He tried talking to me, and holding my spirit up and even promised to take me back, the first thing next morning.

I finally cried myself to sleep and woke up with a new found hope of somehow turning the tide on itself. It could be done, I knew.

Somehow, it is only post facto that we mostly realise just how much the relationships in our life really mean to us. I have since grown in my marriage- been able to accept a lot and not been able to adapt to a lot, too. In the process, I have found a new level of maturity and acceptance. And doscovered more depth and love in myself and around me.

I have come to value my parents more since I have become a parent, myself. I have realised that I love both my spouse and my children- and my friends with a depth that cannot be defined. I have come to realise that - ultimately- in life- it is only our relationships that matter and define us.

And that is what I told this chirpy girl today. That she should value her feelings and those of her parents. That she should savour each moment she has. Time will pass. And if you are lucky, you may be granted a chance to say all this to those who matter to you. Say it while you can. To all those who can.