What is love?

Love comes in many forms... It is the feeling you have for your soul mate. It is also the feeling you have for your children. You also have this feeling for your friends. Each time you feel the feeling you feel so full that you think it is not possible to feel a greater feeling. It fills the insides of your heart and mind so completely that it overtakes you- and dares you to defy it! And, soon enough, slowly, very s...l...o...w...l...y... it begins anew with a new focus. And you find the same feeling growing again!

When we are children, our life revolves around the parents, friends and a few teachers who define our world and create our perspective and world view. We are brimming with love and adulation, and a lot of curiosity. It never really occurs to a child that the feeling he feels is strange, or even meaningful. It defines the child's life and his happiness. A little more time passes and we begin to identify new sources for the beginning of this circle we call love. We draw one circle to include this friend and another one for that one. May be, if we are lucky we will draw another circle for that special teacher or that special Uncle/ aunt who connect with us and our thinking in a way that cuts across distance and time. We draw more and more circles. All are circles of inclusion and involvement.

We connect.

Then, we grow older still. We enter the teen years and finally adulthood with some trepidation, and some expectation. Some will just have to cultivate love where they sit and walk and run. There will be others who will find love in the wilderness of life and put roots to their togetherness, grow roots and grow strong together.
Completion.
We are all somewhat incomplete without the feeling and feel somewhat contented with life when we have the feeling we all call love.

Have you ever tried to explain the feeling?

Has anyone ever really been able to define it?
Saying you love someone- parent, child, friend or lover- conveys a feeling that no one has been able to capture in words and each feels somewhat differently.

Love is a warm sunny feeling an a cool winter morning. It is the warmth and the cool together. It is the comfort and the ability to take on the whole world. It is not only the ability to take on the whole world but also the ability to beat the hell out of all the nay-sayers!

Love is WANTING to do things for the one you love.
Love is WANTING to see your loved one smile.
LOVE is what makes everything else worthwhile.

If you are lucky enough to find it- fight hard, tooth and nail to keep it!
Else, if you have not found it, GET UP, Get going, AND FIND IT.
Be open.
However, even if you choose to be closed, LOVE WILL FIND ITS WAY!
Love is what really makes the world and life possible.
Not just at the very primal level but also in the continuation of life and living a meaningful life!

Attitude of gratefulness...

I am grateful for all that I have-
First and foremost, the great family- lovely children, fantastic husband,
A great mind, spirited soul,
A healthy body,
And...
And...
And I am really grateful for the friends and care-takers God has put all around me.

So many good people care about and for me that I can only feel humbled by God's love for me. Thank you God, for loving so freely and surrounding me with people who can show your caring and love so freely.

A childhood friend's elder sister stays very close to my hospital and follows a teacher we all know only as Bhabhi. Bhabhi has devoted her entire life to uplifting her neighbourhood. She has a dream, surely. A passion that will come true in some shape or the other- but she is a gentle, loving, caring person.

People go to her because she takes away all pain.
She came to me for a pain she should not- could not have had in the first place!
It was as if she HAD to come to meet me and bless me. She sends me her blessings often and consents to meet me alone- whenever I have wanted to lean, she has been there.

Once she recounted to me her own story- about how difficult it becomes for people who are considered strong- pillars of strength. These are the people who are 'supposed' to help everybody their lives touch. These are the people who do not need support! She was often told, 'You don't need any help! You can handle it!"

I have, personally heard this line so often that I cringe saying it to anyone else. If you are strong, you donot need an occasional rest?! No shoulder to lean on or shed an occasional tear on?! I felt my eyes becoming moist... my dam breaking up and the pent-up feelings came flowing out in a flood. This had to be God reaching out to stroke me... to lighten my burden... to hold my hand and provide me that shoulder...

And very recently, another old friend introduced me to his Guru. Someone who again gives freely, provides protection and safety in a world so full of people who do not care...

It is said- "Ask, and it shall be given."

I do not agree!

I have not even had to ask!

Thank you GOD!
For Health, mind, intellect, soul, spirit, and for people who care and love freely and abundantly...

It is quite possible that the attitude of gratefulness brings more and more into life. It is at such times that one does not know what to do with that abundance except pass it on.

If in some small manner, I am able to make a difference to even one person, I gladly would.

This also means my life, action and behaviour have to be immaculate and attentive. I cannot let even a single moment pass whereby someone who could have got something from me goes back without it.

It also means my life, action and behaviour have to be simple, open and easily shared. Anyone who can feel connected, should be able to BE connected.

It is like being a good goal keeper. It matters not how many you saved. The one goal that you missed may be the critical one! The one goal you missed, the one person who deserves but fails to get your love and attention may be the goal that makes all the difference.

What will you have done with your day when the sun goes down?

Will you have brought a smile to one face?

Will you have held and loved one child?

Will you have passed on your love and sincerity to one person?

Will you...

Will you...

Who are we?

The earliest traceable 'religious' are those who could have an experience which was out of the ordinary. They could somehow 'connect' to some force or flow and communicate with it, draw from it and reveal the hidden to the ordinary humans.

These 'Shamans', however, were also human.

Were their experiences really extraordinary? If their predictions came true, they proved their supernatural ability. If their predictions failed, they could be in one of two situations- they had failed once or they were never in touch!

If they could predict, can we assume that we are doomed to predestiny? Were, will be and always have been? What of free-will? And choice? We, as a race, claim these as unique mental faculties. What of our claim to a higher place on the hierarchy of life, solely on the premise that we have an extra-ordinary attribute? Are we the only species capable of something extraordinary?

Are we truly higher on the evolutionary scale?
Are we truly alone in the entire universe?

We must stop for a moment... Pause... and contemplate...

We are on Earth, which is one planet in one solar system in one galaxy. There are trillions of quintillion of galaxies, each with their own solar systems. It would, indeed, be extraordinary were we the only living creatures in the entire Universe!

If we were to take and consider an analogy from modern science- even computational neuroscience, we would begin to realise the enormity of our existence as also its insignificance!

There are scientists today who are duplicating a thinking, responding brain in robotics. A thinking, responding BRAIN! This is the Blue Gene Project. Exorbitant, but existent.

A robot that will think and respond like the human brain.
'We' have made it in our own image!
(Refer to the Bible- God made man in his own image)

We are in the process of becoming a Creator from being the created. If two or three or two hundred or three hundred or many many such Robotic Brains, capable of thinking and responding were to be put in a room, or a city or a country, what would their thoughts be? What would they respond to? What would they perceive of the environment? Would they think about their origin? Would their 'thinking' and 'responding' brain be able to conceptualise a Creator? Their Creator? When would such a search begin? What would it reveal? Would it really be cost-effective for the Creator to simply discard the exorbitantly expensive robots and consign them to the junk pile once their casing/ body was unable to perform? Would it make sense for The Brain to be retrieved and placed in a new casing to continue on...
Interesting as the scenario looks, outlandish as it feels, it is really not that far away into an unknown future with computational neurosciences and robotics progressing the way they are.

Such robots would be 'able' to 'think' and 'respond' only to the extent the Creator allows them to. Read that again- slowly. Such robots would be able to think and respond only to the extent their Creator ALLOWS them to!

They would be able to receive and perceive only what the creator will allow into their sphere of experience!

In the vastness of the Universe being the only thinking responding race is a highly unlikely proposition. Is it not equally likely that the Creator who created us, has put the seed of curiosity and enquiry in our 'thinking' and 'responding' mind? And this Creator is now slowly- very slowly, beginning to reveal itself to us? This Creator is now allowing us to experience the 'need' to observe, know and analyse the questions which till now did not enter our radar of experience.

Increasing number of people are having what they call mystical experiences that convert them from reluctant believers to ardent followers. Increasing number of people are beginning to feel that their life is full, yet empty! These are the people who begin to seek!

Some people do know they want to seek. They do know what they are looking for. There are, however, countless others who are simply trying to figure out what it is that is making them restless!

A teacher always makes the search easier. A map always makes the journey easier!

Find your way. Embark on your journey- with help or without- but travel you must.

Control dramas and human interactions

Try and read this slowly. 

 The whole world - animate and inanimate is composed of foci of energy. 

The energy is not and cannot be static so it keeps shifting. The mountains form and crumble and the earth shakes and tectonic plates collide to generate ever new 'inanimate' energy centers. Would you call this inanimate? It is very much a dynamic animate entity that moves dramatically across millennia and the impact, thus, is seen in retrospect- generations after the whole process began. 

It is still considered a scientific mystery as to how the Universe formed and what is still, in the present happening to it outside our observable limits. Notice I say outside our OBSERVABLE limits. What we cannot observe, we cannot fathom. It still IS. It does not cease to exist simply because we cannot and sometimes will not see it! 

 Each life form- animate or inanimate contributes to the flow of energy that sustains the Universe. 

For the energy to keep flowing, it has to keep moving. It follows the simple universal laws of nature and flows along the gradient.

The sun shines. 

The plants take it up as do the rocks and the oceans. 

The energy then gets transformed into life-sustaining food and life-generating forces of the earth, the water, and the wind. 

The energy moves on and feeds the deer and the deer is then eaten by the lion. 

Simple food chain you would assume.

The water gets heated, rises, and cools; 

pouring down and quenching the thirst of the earth and the world below.

Simple water cycle you would say. 

The wind flutters and exerts its own influence on the flora and the fauna, upon the earth and the beings that live on it. This Flow is what determines the sustained life force. This flow is Universal. Available to you and to me just as much as it is to anyone else. It requires no special apparatus to tap into this universal life force. 

Over a period of time, while most of the raw, native, and virgin Nature follows the principle of Energy exchange, we, humans have isolated ourselves. 

We have cut ourselves off from the life-sustaining and enriching force that is all around us. 

We have forgotten that all we have to do is OPEN UP. 

When we see someone doing this- opening up to receive the force we call them spiritual or sometimes labels that we cannot logically explain. We assume that the whole thing is beyond the scope of our OBSERVABLE limits. Since we have cut ourselves off, the mere act of 'being' depletes our energy. Since energy is not static if the connection is not established, depletion is inevitable. 

If we are not connected to receive, we feel depleted and look for alternate sources to replenish our depleted energy. We only know how to connect to other humans around us so we establish patterns that allow us to tap into the energy of these humans. We also try to get energy from our food and water- but that is on the superficial plane. The life force is not sustained by fuel that burns. Lifeforce is sustained by energy that generates.

These energy interactions that humans have with each other fall into four rough patterns. The 'Celestine Prophecy' describes these best. There are four basic types of people- Intimidators, Interrogators, Aloofs and Poor me. 

These control and energy hooking dramas are acquired through childhood influences of our cultures and parents. These are usually unconscious and may at times shift somewhat along the spectrum. This may be a passive drama, playing on other people's curiosity or sympathy to gain attention ( hence, energy). 

When it is sympathy one is seeking, he plays out the Poor Me Drama. These people would play out how everything happening to them is horrible and perhaps, the other is responsible for all their misfortune. If you refuse to help this Poor me, he is probably going to simply finish- all because of you. Guilt. You always end up feeling guilty around such people, and a strange depression you know is not justifiable cloaks every interaction you have with these people. 

When one simply clams up, not wanting to share anything with their mate/ peers or spouse, they are trying to arouse curiosity by being Aloof. Aloof would get vague and distant, closed clams. They draw energy to themselves by forcing others to pay extra attention simply to be part of a family or peer group. All those around them would constantly be on their feet lest this person clams up again. 

 An Interrogator would be probing everything about you- finding that one crack in your armor that he can use to hook into your energy. He will criticize you simply on that weak point and suck your energy literally. This person will slowly but surely undermine your confidence in yourself. You are his victim- you can either defend yourself by becoming the Poor Me or by becoming Aloof. 

 And the most aggressive are the Intimidators. These are the people who will use force or threat to incite fear that if you do not do their bidding something terrible will befall you. Some parents are well-meaning Intimidators- they are aggressive, get angered easily, and threaten dire consequences for not listening to them. They are proud to proclaim themselves well-meaning strict parents. However, they will only promote the Aloof or the Poor Me counter drama in their children. And in extreme cases, the child grows up into another Intimidator. 

 Sooner or later, we have to realize that the Energy Flow is all around us. We have to learn to re-hook to nature rather than suck each others' energy. We have to learn to NOT PLAY ANY DRAMAS. When we are open and connected to Nature's Energy path, we receive freely and fill up without having to compete for it. 

But... we have to be equally open to passing it on as we are to receiving it. After all, there is only as much tea you may fill in a cup or a kettle. If you fill to the brim and do not pour out, you will only overflow. The stagnant energy will run cold just like the tea that is left untouched. Even if you are constantly connected till you empty out the cold tea, no matter how much you pour from the top, the tea will stay cold. 

 When we interact with our children, when we interact with our spouses and with our friends, we may be different things at different times, but predominantly we tend to practice one drama to perfection. 

Look at yourself. 

Become the spectator. And disconnect all dramas. Objectively interact with peers and with children. No threat. No victim mentality. 

You are given EXACTLY WHAT YOU NEED TO BECOME WHAT YOU MUST BECOME. 

No one else has any role in it except, maybe, help you identify the final goal or even the important milestones or even the path you need to take. The energy you need is free. It need not be sucked from your husband or wife, from your son or your daughter or even your friends. Those that we call spiritually heightened souls have achieved this connection and are open to both receiving and giving. Each of us has that capacity. We only need to raise our consciousness to the next level. 

 This may be a dramatic time in Human history when more and more people are feeling restless despite successful lives and this may be due to the fact that it is time to reconnect. I am reminded of yet another line that I read somewhere, I do not know the source. I wonder whether the man is a Human being seeking a spiritual experience or a spiritual being living a human one. I would tend to say we are spiritual beings who have chosen to live a human existence. It really looks like the time to wake up is now- we may do it happily or we may be forced to do so unhappily. But wake up we shall all have to.

My family

It is late, very late at night. Infact, it would be more appropriate to call it very early hours of the next morning. It is pitch dark outside. No stars and a small, tiny sliver of the moon is reflecting just about sufficient light to be just seen. No more. It illuminates itself. It does not light up the dark night. The air is cold and thick. Like a blanket that may be held in your hands. It requires only that we rise to the next level of consciousness.

Everyone around me is sleeping. And watching my family in this room- all of us together, is something I would not trade for anything else in the world. Call me old fashioned- but here I am. Watching. Contented. Somewhat pained but mostly at peace.

We all have our moments of love- and of despair. Of peace- and of war. However, each moment passes into the next. And into eternity. We come into this world alone. We will depart alone. We know not where we came from. We know not where we will go henceforth. We do know that we fill the interim between the so called birth and death with love and hate, friendships and enmities, peace and war, and with relationships. Most of all- relationships.

It is only in reference to our world and those around us that we express our emotions.

We are what we are. However, we manifest a persona that interacts and emotes. The real us is deep within and we keep looking without. Yet the superficial manifest self consumes us passionately.

Tonight watching my husband in deep sleep, while I sit awake, reading and writing, I catch my thoughts mid stream.

I love this man.

One foot just peeping out from the edge of the blanket appears strangely beautiful. I do not want him to give me love, or time, or money even. I donot want him to feel limited by my presence in his life. I only want him by my side.

I only want him by my side.

I can deak with anything. I can play any hand dealt to me. But I want only that this man I call my husband be beside me.

My sleeping children only serve to strengthen my resolve.

I am not a saint nor a sage. Only a normal human being. I have my moments of turmoil and of attachment. I want to be attached. I an not ready to look at the world God has put around me with detachment.

I want my children to grow up into fine human beings. I want to be able to impart to them the wisdom to discriminate between good and bad and to be able to hold on to what is vital to the fabric of life. Being who they are, they will learn anyway. But I want to be the one playing this role in their lives. God gave me the role- it is my duty to make sure I do this well.

No sacrifice is big enough for this role. For this duty. For this life.

Infact, nothing can be called a sacrifice when compared to this value system and belief in life's sacred thread.

And yet, there are moments when I begin to doubt myself... when I ask myself whether I am doing the right thing? Whether I have so far been doing the right thing? Why do I sometimes feel so helpless, angry and alone? Why must I carry all the burden alone? And then... I withdraw from the scene and watch myself. Objectively. Then, I tell myself, I'm OK. It will only get better and better. It has to!

That was yesterday!

That was yesterday!

Today the game was over before it had begun.

My body was an automaton, working to a spinal routine it follows everyday. There was no fight in me. My mind was being churned by a thousand thoughts moving at whirlwind speed with the destructive force of a devastating tornado. My heart and soul were still trying to recover. There... really... was... no... fight... left in me!

Some long lost line I had read in some far away past by an author I do not remember flashed on my mental screen -" And all we can hope for is to die in our sleep" May be it was a Kenny G song- Gambler? Why did he say it? When did he say it? Was it part of a song? Poem? Book? I was not sure. I tried to detach myself from the thought and analyze it. The only analysis that I could make was this- " I know how you feel."

Today was one of those days that I was down and blue right at the onset of the day. It was a carryover from yesterday. It had been a horrible day yesterday. I did not want to talk about it but I was finding myself dragged deep into a dungeon I did not like. I am not like this! I reminded myself. It did not work.

As I turned the final turning to the hospital at a very sedate pace- not really caring whether I was on time or not, I suddenly realised I had to reach at 8:30 today for a common meeting. Not the usual nine. I had left home at 8:30. Down in dumps. Hating the thought of having to get out of bed today. Hating to get into the car today. really not wanting to drive today.

The battle was really hopelessly lost even before it had begun. I had lost this one somewhere in the restless night's sleep.

Happy Valentine's day!


Looking back at yesterday's post, it seemed poignat that the two successive days should be host to two entirely different mental attitudes from the same person. One upbeat and the other hopelessly depressed.

Like it is said in our Scriptures, Highs and lows of life are like the movement of a wheel, up today, down tomorrow. Neither rejoice in delight nor cry in sorrow... these are cyclic changes.

सुखं आपतितम सेव्यं दुखम आपतितम तथा
चक्रवात परिवर्तन्ते दुखानी च सुखानी च

This is the best that google transliteration could do. I know there are spelling errors in this one. What it means is - As one welcomes happiness, so should one accept the sorrow that comes. Both, happiness and sorrow are parts of the same wheel and change cyclically one after the other.

The game

The game is not lost till it is won. And till you have even a minute of game left, you have sixty seconds worth of chance to win.

These were the thoughts swimming in my head at breakneck speed on my way to the hospital.

It was 8:55 am. I had reached the ITO crossing. I knew if I found this signal red, it would take away three minutes of precious time I had left to reach BEFORE nine.

I rejoiced. YES! I rejoiced. The signal was green! This had to be God telling me winning could be a possibility. I crossed the crossing( well... what else would you do to a crossing!?) The road ahead was clear. Strange at this time of the day. Now, I had this stretch of a clear road ahead and the final traffic signal. If this too was green, I would be in time.

Red. I saw from a distance. Oh no! three minutes. My eyes moved from the road to the dashboard. the clock was incessantly moving. Who can stop or slow down time? Theory of relativity is great but not when you have a deadline in a few minutes.

8:56, the clock proclaimed. I was drawing nearer to the signal. I slowed the car. 60kmph to 50. Still red. Further slowed to 40 and then 30. The signal turned green, I was still a few yards away. Yippee! My heart jumped for joy.

8:57.
I knew I could not cover the last stretch in three minutes. But, it was not a lost cause. Till the last second ticked and the clock actually said nine, the fight was not over! I kept on.

8:58.
Very close. Almost at the gate. No milk truck had come in the way, no cycle rickshaw overloaded with tiny school children rolling slowly in front of me. I was at the gate. Now only to turn in! I had made it. The triumph of spirit over matter. The triumph of fortune over time.

Just then, not one but two cycle rickshaws entered my field of vision. Coming in from the opposite side, almost at the gate. They did not stop. I had to stop to let them pass.

8:59.
One rickshaw passed. The next one rolled along. These two s...l...o...w...l...y passed my next few seconds away in an excruciating transit in front of the hospital gate. The clock struck nine. I was still out here!

The game was over.

I was, however, strangely at peace... I had tried, almost won, and then, not really but very nearly lost. Was this so important? Would it be as important tomorrow? Would it be so dramatic after a year? After five years?