What's your earliest memory?

The earliest memory I have of my childhood is one of identifying my fear, facing it- and getting on with the business of living.

It is also of holding your dear ones dear and helping them deal with their fear.

Fear is the only limit we place on our boundless flight...

I was barely one and a half years old. The memory is etched in my mind as if a tag that can start the play of a movie. We lived in an ordinary home. ( Notice... I call this a home- from the very beginning.) ( more about that later) . There were, however, focal points of the extraordinary here. One such focal point was the roof of the home. This roof also served as a small balcony for our small family to spend weekends and evenings of togetherness. Looking back, it appears foolish at worst and fool hardy at best to be using this risky balcony without railings and parapets for such a family activity.

I distinctly remember the rickety cross between a ladder and a stair that led up from the living space to this platform. What made this upward flight a stair was a flat board for each step to place our feet on. However, we had nothing to hold on to on the sides. It used to always make me feel a certain thrill going up. It was almost as if we were flying... and landing...

We used to land on the edge of the top of the world. This was the highest point of the neighbourhood. We could reach for the sky if we tried! Just a little stretch!

My father used to carry me up first. Leave me there. I used to sit- looking at him going back down. I used to sit at the edge of the roof of my world and watch with fascination. Even at that young age I used to wonder what made my father bring ME up foremost. It was almost a ritual. He would, then, descend and come up again with my baby brother... deposit the bundle close to me! I had to keep him safe. This was a huge responsibility for a tiny girl. My father trusted me from the very beginning! He never had to say it. And I am proud to know that I have never, till date, let him down.

Somehow, keeping a three month old baby safe took over the brain completely... freeing the mind from the fear or even the possibility of a fall!

Then last of all... he would very carefully, lead my mother up the rickety stair-ladder! My mother was mortally afraid of this ladder. When we were all up there-however- the towering presence and smiling face of my father made everything else fade into insignificance. His presence was, quite simply, a safety net around us. He never let fear figure on the radar of our consciousness. We would play, lounge and enjoy the evening breeze.

Then, quietly, we would all descend. Though the actual memories of descending the stair-ladder are not at all present, there must be some neuronal impression. To this day, I feel a sense of thrill climbing up and a hesitation, almost a fear that I will tumble and fall if I descend.

My father led from the front. Like he led his soldiers. And, he trusted.

When he left me up there with a little baby, he was leaving both his children on that roof top. He had a deep sense of faith that his children would stay safe. One looking after. The other, looked after. And God would always care for us. God did! We also did!

We learnt responsibility from an early age. We did what we were supposed to. And made fear irrelevant. Nonexistent, even.

We also learnt to take over and rally by the side of family when the fear was there. My mother felt the fear. It was her reality. We rallied around her till it became irrelevant for her, too.

Today, both my parents lead from the front. As they always have. They do not tell us. They show us. Infact, they simply follow their philosophy of life and love to the last letter. And... do not even care who is watching- if at all any one is watching!

Will I be able to give my children memories that teach, and instill a sense of wonder for life?

I do hope we, as a generation, could do this for our children.

I hope, we could.

What is love?

I have often written about this emotion and find myself reading what I wrote and saying- Is that it? Is that all I can say about this feeling that makes the world go round?

Love is what makes us wait for someone to come home long after everyone else has gone off to sleep...

Love is also what makes us sleep in peace in the arms of this one person when (s)he comes home!!

Love is what makes it possible for a man to go on and for a woman to carry on with the business of living- despite each difficulty in their path.

Love is the feeling that makes one remember the days gone by as if they are a running movie in front of our eyes.

Love is what makes us remember the first glance, the first touch, the first embrace and the first kiss. It is equally potent between a man and his woman as it is between a child and his parent.

The picture of a new-born child in the arms of its mother soon after entering this world is still the most enduring image of love that can be. The child knows nothing else than the mother's touch and her heart beat. The mother breathes the entire Universe in that single moment of holding the child.

Love is the feeling that wants to make you smile in anticipation after you wake up, but before you open your sleepy eyes. It is the feeling that makes you want to stretch and reach out and touch your love.

Love is also the feeling of awareness of closeness and proximity even standing in prayer in a temple. It is the feeling that pervades and provides utmost security... and the source of extreme insecurity.

Love is what makes your tiredness disappear the moment your eyes rest on that someone and makes you want to simply observe each breath.

Love is the heightened sense of awareness and of contentment... the sense that will make you believe that if you were to die today, you would have no regrets. And that you would be missed.

Love is also the drive that makes you reach out long after each ounce of power is sucked from your being... to continue despite all odds and REACH. It is the driving force that allows one to go on when all else seems to have been depleted.

Love may not make the world go round, as someone has said... it definitely makes the ride worthwhile...

Memory of the Universe

Each little act, each little sound, any action what so ever, even a thought changes the energy of our planet.

Each little act or thought generates a moment of energy that warps the space-time around us. And this warpage is not focal or local. The space-time envelope is a continuum from origin to eternity and universal in expanse. This sheet will remember and memorise each fold forever. Each little breath taken in this universe is still in its memory.

Cultivate good thoughts. We get human form after ages of passing several life forms, our scriptures claim. This journey cannot bring us to evil. It is not possible for a human being to be evil or wrong. We find all the evil in world because of the degeneration and the disconnect from our natural source of energy and replenishment. We urgently need to reconnect and eliminate the folds that can warp the space-time envelope uncomfortably.

Plant a tree.
Create a green patch.
Use your car a little less.
Love your world.
Spend a little time in silence.
Spend a moment in thought.
Spend a moment in reflection.
Learn from nature.
Be committed to your immediate family- and your extended family.
Love the Mother who has made life possible.

She gives freely. Give what you do not need. Take only what you need and no more. Give her the time to recover and replenish. She is giving so we may survive. Our survival depends on her survival. She will live on irrespective of us- in fact may do so better without us.

Our planet is burning with fever. We will need to help her cool down. The earth has cyclically gone through ages of periodic warming and cooling. She might be in a phase of heating up now. We will gain nothing by adding to this fever. We may lose all by not being mindful and by being inattentive to her needs this moment.

We are like a virus that has attacked a body.

What is a virus? A virus is a biological entity that multiplies, proliferates and overtakes (usually) the system it invades. If innocuous, it passes off as a sneeze, or a wheeze with a little bit of watering and some discomfort. If it is sinister, it will overpower the system and cause a fever, some shivering and shakes, some sweating and often the feeling of being depleted. When it is lethal, it also adds to its own effects. The body that was invaded reels under the onslaught, rolls over, burns, vomits... and may die.

Is that not what appears to be happening to Earth?

My car chants!

I discovered this astonishing fact today!

My car chants OM.

Each time I start the car and idle it for a minute or two, the sound of the idling engine shifts significantly. The interrupted sound of vibrating parts of an engine creates a musical composition which is... interrupted and vibrational... This is a sound that is familiar to many.

Then, every three seconds- I really checked!- the vibrational character transformed into a continuous hum. This continuous hum is unmistakable. However, to hear it, you must really LISTEN for it. It becomes discernible from audible only when you attend to it.

Oh I hear the sound everyday. However, today, I really listened.

It was distinct. It lasted for about five seconds- not very long for an OM. It was CLEAR. It was aaaooommm.

This set me thinking.

It is said in the scriptures that before everything there was the sound. I firmly believe that everything in the Universe has the memory of whatever has been and has the blue print of whatever can be. So... is it possible? Is it possible that the Om is actually ubiquitous and can be found anywhere we look for it- really listen for it?

I checked.

It is!

The fan, the AC, the tube lights, the idling laptops, even the suction machine in our out patient clinic- everything shifts to humming OM intermittently.

Sound is energy. Energy is The Divine. Each moment has the potential to awaken in us the awareness of the Divine

The Divine and The Miraculous is present in each moment, each day of life. Certain days help us to acknowledge these more easily!

Arise. Awaken the senses. Heighten the experience of living- each moment.

From sympathy... to empathy...

Imagine a world where everyone feels loved and cared for.
Imagine a world where there is no misunderstanding.
Imagine a world not only without war but also a need for war.
A world where the heart and the brain do not have a conflict... and where it is easy to address some one's pain, and need for being cared for.

The pain will be there...the sadness will remain... the needs will also stay...
These are attributes of life and living as much as is joy, elation and love in abundance. Even those who have everything in life feel a lack of something they cannot define. Each sliver of happiness is heightened by each shred of pain that we feel. One enhances the experience of the other. Each life that begins must end, each drop of water that is seen will go through the cycle of becoming imperceptible vapour and then may find its way back into becoming a drop again- only to merge with the mass of the river, sea or ocean.

When we feel pain, we also feel lonely. We feel as if no one understands this anguish. And we are not very wrong. Very few people in the world are blessed with the attribute of Empathy. Many may sympathise. Empathy comes with a great deal of difficulty. It is easy to feel sorry that some one else- no matter how close we feel to him/ her, is in pain. It is not so easy to feel that pain. And THAT is empathy.

My heart in your pain is sympathy. However, empathy is your pain in my heart.

Empathy makes life very difficult. Each experience of any one's pain becomes an experience of our own pain. Each moment we are in pain- our own or someone else's- we feel the drive to banish and diminish this pain, too.

It will only be through empathy that we may be able to build a better world. It will only be through empathy that we will be able to eradicate someone else's pain AND rejoice in someone else's joy in equal measure.

As a race, we are poised to a quantum leap into another level of existence... of greater awareness, of greater empathy and greater joy. It will have to come at a price... Are we ready to pay that price? Are we willing to feel some pain so we may feel greater joy? Are we willing to work hard to alleviate any pain we encounter- no matter who it is that is suffering?

A friend once told me that my greatest strength AND my biggest weakness is this attribute. That I cannot avoid feeling the pain of anyone I encounter. That I rejoice in seeing each success I behold from anyone I see. I try to do more than I can to make things better... That is a strength- always stretching and trying to do more. This inevitably results in a level of personal growth that cannot be duplicated any other way.

However, this also means that I am so busy with every one else that I end up tired and sometimes feeling that I, too need an ear that will listen to me... a heart that will feel with me... a brain that will share with me... and a shoulder that will occasionally just let me rest my head and let me cry... Because I shall be perceived as strong these needs will usually be unmet. That will be my weakness. Not doing and not being able to do for myself what I unquestioningly do for everyone who touches my life.

It will happen to anyone who begins to practice mindfulness and empathy in their day-to-day interactions. The moments of loneliness will be excruciatingly alone. Yet, it is a life worth living that defines our success as a person who has walked this world.

So... From sympathy... to empathy...

Is it chemistry? Or Biology? Or Culture?

Love is a feeling of great commitment and devotion that one can feel- often very strongly. It could be a devotion to another person, or an abstract principle or even a place or an inanimate object.

Usually when you love another person, you would be referring to a feeling that conveys more than merely liking this person. Love, especially the romantic love tends to overtake one's mind and time.

Filial love tends to be a strong sense of bonding and is definitely associated with chemical changes in the body. Oxytocin levels are at their highest in new mothers and lovers discovering themselves.

In the very beginning, there is only an increase of the estrogen and testosterone levels. This translates into a feeling that promotes attention to an object of attraction- promotes, infact an instinct to mate.

Other chemicals associated with the feeling of intense attraction are dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin. These chemicals stimulate the pleasure centre of the brain. This directly explains the observed effects of loss of appetite, loss of attention to the surroundings, sleeplessness and intense excitement. This is the first stage of attraction and may last as little as a year or two.


This is however, a very chemical analysis of that warm fuzzy feeling we all call love.

Chemistry explains why we feel our heart fluttering, we feel the need to connect at a very primal level. However, the lasting relationships we form are more psychological than chemical. We would like to relate to another, find a confidante who can serve to hold us in moments of need and weakness, who can offer that shoulder to cry on and finally to feel the feeling that allows us to help another reach his spiritual potential. That is true love... allow another achieve their spiritual potential.

Love , thus is not simply a feeling, but an activity that is an ongoing source of contentment in a life well lived.

Can love hurt?

If you find love... stay with the feeling. It is a place where you are safe and cocooned. A place that allows you to BE.

Love does not hurt.
Love gives. Unconditionally.
And accepts. Without expectations.

There are times when it feels good to hear and see the feeling in action. These times only serve to stroke the spinal chord. They are the food for the heart and the mind. They are the sustenance of the soul.

In this world of love, hurt and hate have no place.

Why does it hurt, then, in love?

The person who is getting hurt is choosing to get hurt.
The person who is inflicting hurt is probably not even aware of it!
Whenever one gets hurt, s(h)e feels so BECAUSE they have allowed the other to hurt them. This power is granted freely in loving relationships. And never used or abused. It is all in the mind of the person getting hurt!

In other words, if you love someone, you cannot hurt this person. If this person still feels hurt about soething, anything, it is a feeling they have chosen to feel.

If I love someone, and am feeling hurt, I have granted that power to hurt to the person I love. Not the other way round. A very difficult situation and yet, so simple... The power to hurt is yours alone to grant.

Love will NEVER hurt.

What is love?

Love comes in many forms... It is the feeling you have for your soul mate. It is also the feeling you have for your children. You also have this feeling for your friends. Each time you feel the feeling you feel so full that you think it is not possible to feel a greater feeling. It fills the insides of your heart and mind so completely that it overtakes you- and dares you to defy it! And, soon enough, slowly, very s...l...o...w...l...y... it begins anew with a new focus. And you find the same feeling growing again!

When we are children, our life revolves around the parents, friends and a few teachers who define our world and create our perspective and world view. We are brimming with love and adulation, and a lot of curiosity. It never really occurs to a child that the feeling he feels is strange, or even meaningful. It defines the child's life and his happiness. A little more time passes and we begin to identify new sources for the beginning of this circle we call love. We draw one circle to include this friend and another one for that one. May be, if we are lucky we will draw another circle for that special teacher or that special Uncle/ aunt who connect with us and our thinking in a way that cuts across distance and time. We draw more and more circles. All are circles of inclusion and involvement.

We connect.

Then, we grow older still. We enter the teen years and finally adulthood with some trepidation, and some expectation. Some will just have to cultivate love where they sit and walk and run. There will be others who will find love in the wilderness of life and put roots to their togetherness, grow roots and grow strong together.
Completion.
We are all somewhat incomplete without the feeling and feel somewhat contented with life when we have the feeling we all call love.

Have you ever tried to explain the feeling?

Has anyone ever really been able to define it?
Saying you love someone- parent, child, friend or lover- conveys a feeling that no one has been able to capture in words and each feels somewhat differently.

Love is a warm sunny feeling an a cool winter morning. It is the warmth and the cool together. It is the comfort and the ability to take on the whole world. It is not only the ability to take on the whole world but also the ability to beat the hell out of all the nay-sayers!

Love is WANTING to do things for the one you love.
Love is WANTING to see your loved one smile.
LOVE is what makes everything else worthwhile.

If you are lucky enough to find it- fight hard, tooth and nail to keep it!
Else, if you have not found it, GET UP, Get going, AND FIND IT.
Be open.
However, even if you choose to be closed, LOVE WILL FIND ITS WAY!
Love is what really makes the world and life possible.
Not just at the very primal level but also in the continuation of life and living a meaningful life!